The Luckless Liars
by WhirledPeace
Summary: Deidara has two major secrest he doesn't think matter, but when he is forced to acknowledge what exactly he is, how can he deal? Can he keep his secrets much longer? SasoDei, MAJOR TobiDei, side pairings: KakuHidan, maybe KisaIta. Mpreg
1. Chapter 1

* * *

A/N: Welcome! In case you don't know me, I'm WhirledPeace and I make shit up! I don't own these characters, or else the Naruto series might just end with a giant explosion and a Deidara tribute.

* * *

Deidara lay on his bed, staring up at his ceiling. He was glad the house let him put posters up, or else he was sure he'd go more nuts than he already was being trapped in this little white prison. Many posters of birds and explosions covered his walls, all except one piece of lined paper taped to the middle of his ceiling. The paper read, in scrawled handwriting, 'Hello! My name is Deidara! I was born on January, 21. Please take good care of me!'. His bed was on the far end of the boxlike room, the window right by it. A small dresser on the other side by the door completed his small room, giving him the space of about five square feet to breath. But what little floor space there was, happened to be strewn about with his clothes, which he was too lazy to hang up.

Deidara, though, was not interested in his room right now. He was interested with who was on the other end of the phone he was talking on. "What was that, Sasori-danna?" he asked, suddenly sitting up.

"I said that I want to break up," Sasori repeated.

"Why?" asked Deidara, his eyes wide.

"It's just too much for me to handle right now. I'm going through a lot of stress at home right now, and- I just don't want to deal with this troublesome relationship anymore."

"You can't be serious! We go steady for what, a year? And now it's all over just because you're bored?"

"Seems that way, doesn't it?"

"You're such an ass, un. Do you have your eye on someone else?"

"Nah, I just don't think I want this screwed up relationship anymore. Bye." Sasori hung up. Deidara stared at the phone in his hand and then, without knocking, his only semi-friend on the house barged in.

"Get dumped, blondie?" she teased. Deidara threw the phone at her. Ino ducked and laughed. "I'll take that as a yes. Any particular reason why?"

"He's under too much stress, un. Complete bullshit, yeah," Deidara sighed, laying down on his bed. Ino leaned on the doorway.

"You didn't tell him about. . ." she trailed off and gestured at Deidara's stomach. Deidara gave her a glare that could melt bricks.

"Of course not, yeah. I'm not stupid. You only know because you were there at the doctor's because you had diarrhea." Ino made a face.

"Right. And I won't tell if you won't tell." She grinned again. "So you're single now?"

"Apparently."

"Can I-"

"No! Hell no! Fuck no! Plain no!" Deidara screamed. "You cannot set me up with a pity date with one of your whiney friends! I'm gay!" Ino pouted.

"Please? It would make TenTen feel so much-"

"I don't give a fuck what would make TenTen feel better, hmm! She's a Sophomore, I'm a senior!"

"So?"

"So?! That's just wrong! I will not go on a pity date! Now get out of my room!" Deidara looked around for anything else he could throw at her. Ino finally noticed he was serious and left without another word. Deidara sighed, rolling so his back was to the door. 'Just fucking beautiful.' he thought to himself.

Ino was like a sister, because neither of them had any family. Well, Ino had a dick of a dad and a slut of a mom who sometimes visited, but that was different. Deidara had been found at a bus stop with a simple note proclaiming his name and birthday. But Ino was the closest thing he had to family, because she also knew his secret.

* * *

Deidara woke up the next morning and wished he hadn't. He then caught sight of his clock and leapt out of bed, grabbing a shirt and fishnet, slipping into them. He then stripped off his boxers and picked up a pair he hoped were clean. After also slipping into a pair of skinny black jeans, he grabbed his backpack and ran out of the room, down the creaky old stairs and out of the house. He just barely missed the bus, but luckily someone stopped it for him. "Thanks," Deidara muttered as he stepped onto the bus.

"No problem, Deidara-san," the person said. Deidara jumped and whirled around, before he recognized Tobi, from his math class.

"Oh, I didn't recognize you," Deidara mumbled, shuffling down the aisle and to a seat. Tobi followed him.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" Tobi asked. Deidara shrugged, staring moodily out the window. "I'm not used to riding the bus," Tobi admitted, trying to start a conversation. Deidara merely nodded, continuing his staring. Why did Sasori-danna have to break it off? Weren't things going fine? They had seemed fine to Deidara, the redhead had even said so last week. So what brought on this sudden change? Tobi coughed. Deidara turned slowly to him.

"Yes, un?"

"I asked if you took this bus regularly."

"Oh, yeah, un. Every day," Deidara replied vaguely. Tobi nodded, and they were silent for the rest of the ride.

* * *

Once the bus stopped, Deidara flew off it and ran to class. He had a bone to pick with Sasori. Luckily Deidara caught him in the hallway. "Hey! Sasori!" he cried, marching up to the redhead. Sasori raised a carefully sculpted red eyebrow.

"What do you want, Deidara-san?" he asked emotionlessly.

"What the fuck is with you calling me last night like that, un?"

"Calm down, Deidara. It's not that big of a deal. We never had anything special in the first place."

"What the fuck? It wasn't special to who?" Deidara demanded. Sasori sighed.

"Can't we be mature about this? I know it's hard for you, but you have to act like a grown up. I'm sick of this relationship, so I end it. End of story."

"Who's being immature now, un?"

"Deidara, it's over, that's final." Sasori turned and began to walk off.

"Fine, be an ass," Deidara muttered, walking off in the opposite direction.

* * *

Deidara had somewhat of a group. It was mostly headed by a redheaded boy named Pein, who kept mostly to himself. Then there were the gay twins, Konan and Kisame. Kisame was loud, Konan was quiet, but they both had blue hair. Of course, no group of friends could be complete without the Satanist zealot who tried to convert everyone he saw. Hidan filled this spot for the group, and also filled the person who swears too much spot. Finally, the last member who still attended high school, the triple A (arrogant apathetic ass) Itachi. The last member, Kakuzu, didn't attend high school anymore, for he had graduated last year.

It was to this group Deidara slipped away to once the bell for lunch rang. He found them by the back of the school, all sitting against a wall. Slipint between Konan and Kisame, Deidara sighed. His group was never without chaos and confusion, and lots of noise. "I'm a fucking athiest! Get out of my face!" Kisame cried, batting Hidan away.

"Satan will take even your soul!"

"I don't have a fucking soul!" Kisame shouted.

"Exactly!" Hidan screeched. Kisame threw his hands in the air, nearly whacking Deidara in the head.

"Oh, sorry Dei, didn't see you," Kisame grinned, ruffling Deidara's hair. Suddenly, Hidan found new prey.

"Dei! You look sad!" he cried, pushing Kisame over to crouch in front of the blond. "Satan won't care about your problems, but he'll-"

"Shut it, Hidan. I'm not in the mood," Deidara mumbled.

"Aw, Blondie, what's wrong?" Hidan smirked. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Not like you care, un," he muttered.

"Of course I don't care! But Kisame, Konan, and Pein all look pretty interested," Hidan replied.

"I got dumped, hmm," Deidara said, looking down. Hidan laughed, Pein decided he didn't care, and Konan nudged Kisame and Kisame gave Deidara a big bear hug.

"Aw! Poor Dei!" he cried.

"Need. . .oxygen. . ." Deidara mouthed to Hidan. Hidan ignored him. Kisame let go.

"It's what you get for dating an emotionless bastard," Hidan said, shaking his head.

"I was dating an emotionless bastard, un? Last time I checked, it was you who was with Kakuzu," Deidara snapped.

"Say that again, Blondie!" Hidan growled, narrowing his eyes. Deidara smirked.

"You're dating a dickless bastard, un, who-" Hidan threw the expected punch. Deidara caught it in his fist, and in a flash they were both standing. Oh yeah, this was what Deidara needed, a good fist fight.

* * *

Tobi sat against the fence with two bags of chips. He didn't see his Sempai, but he knew Zetsu would soon meet him there. And soon enough his schizophrenic, bipolar, friend appeared by his side. "Good afternoon, Sempai," Zetsu said nothing. Tobi handed him a bag of chips. Zetsu smiled and opened it.

"How are you today, Tobi?" he asked kindly.

"Oh, a little sad, Sempai," Tobi admitted.

"Really?"

"Yes, you know Deidara-san?"

"Oh, him. . ."

"Yeah, well, he ignores me. I want to be friends with him, maybe even more, but he won't even look at me!" Zetsu sighed.

"Have you tried talking to him? You know he can't just read your mind."

"Yes, we're going to be taking the bus together as long as my dad's car is in the shop. And he barely said a single word to me!"

"That would be because of his recent breakup," Zetsu said softly. Tobi's eyes widened.

"How do you know that?" he asked. "I wasn't aware Deidara was seeing anyone!" Zetsu shook his head slowly.

"I just know. He was seeing Akasuna Sasori, until what seems as last night. It is not surprising Deidara does not wish to converse with you." Tobi was always amazed with Zetsu's knowledge. Zetsu didn't sense Tobi's curiosity and began to occupy himself with eating the chips.

"So how do you think I should approach him?" Tobi finally asked. Zetsu shrugged.

"Do I look like I know everything?"

* * *

Deidara lay, half awake, feeling sick, at Kisame's feet. It was just Deidara and the twins that day, Hidan had claimed today a satanic holiday, Pein was off on mysterious business, and Itachi said he would be late. As usual, when Kisame was left in the presence of two feminine people, he felt the need to talk. And today, he was asking advice on crushes.

". . . so, anyway, what would you do?" Kisame finally finished. Deidara mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'toothpaste' and rolled over. Kisame sighed.

"Why are you asking?" Konan spoke. Deidara glanced over his shoulder at her, surprised she was actually talking.

"Oh, um. . ." Kisame rubbed the back of his head. "A friend of mine is wondering!" the answer was too eager to be true. Kisame was an awful liar.

"This friend of yours, does he happen to like another one of our friends, un?" Deidara asked.

"Uh. . .maybe. . .but that's not the point," Kisame replied defensively.

"I'd say go for it, hmm. Not much to loose." Deidara rolled over again.

"Easy for you to say, you've never had a crush on anybody!" Kisame shot.

"Oh yeah? I had a crush on some guy named Garrett in third grade!"

"And what happened to him?"

"Uh. . . I can't remember," Deidara admitted, blinking slowly. "I think he moved. . ."

"See? It's not the same!"

"So just tell your 'friend' to ask him out, because I'm tired of hearing you bitch," Deidara sighed, rolling over on his other side. Kisame was about to retort with something, when a familiar car screeched to a halt outside the school and a familiar man got out, dragging a familiar teen.

"I swear, Hidan, if you skip school one more time you're going to get expelled," Kakuzu was saying.

"It's not your damn business!" Hidan cried, trying to pry Kakuzu's vice like grip from his arm. Kakuzu snarled, and threw Hidan on to campus.

"I'll pick you up after school, so you better be here," Kakuzu growled and stomped off. Hidan stood up, rubbing his arm. He then walked over to the small group, sulking moodily.

"What happened?" Kisame asked.

"I tried to skip school, but Kakuzu found out and brought me in," Hidan muttered. Kakuzu was extremely sensitive about skipping school. He had a little brother named Obito who dropped out of school and became a crack addict, and he was worried that Hidan, or any of the others in the group, would end up like him.

"You should know better," Kisame chastised.

"I didn't want to go to school today," Hidan complained. It was then that Itachi also showed up. All eyes turned to him, only because he was exhibiting emotions. "What crawled up your ass and died?" Hidan asked.

"Uzumaki. . ." he growled. "Some freshman named Uzumaki made a move on my brother!"

"What?" cried Kisame. Itachi glared.

"Uzumaki? That sounds familiar. . ." Deidara squinted, trying to remember where he'd heard the name.

"Tobi Uzumaki," Konan said. "He's in our grade."

"How do you know all of this, stalker?" Hidan asked. Konan shook her head. Konan shrugged, not replying.

"So what did your brother do?" Kisame asked Itachi.

"That's the worst part," Itachi groaned. "Sasuke said yes!" Kisame, Deidara, and Hidan all gasped. Uchiha Sasuke was almost as emotionless and heartless as his older brother. And just like Itachi, there were a few theories he was asexual.

"You're kidding!" cried Kisame.

"Come on, you're not serious, un," Deidara added.

"I am. They're going out this Friday," Itachi replied, head falling into his hands.

"Don't worry, Itachi! Just let your brother have some fun!" Kisame said.

"But tonight I have to call my parents, and I'll be the one to tell them, not him," Itachi sighed. Itachi's parents were often abroad, their company took them everywhere. Right now they were somewhere in America. Itachi was left to raise his brother on his own most of the time, and that was probably why Sasuke had turned out like Itachi.

"It can't be that bad," Hidan said.

"My parents will want to know every detail they possibly can about this Uzumaki Naruto, and they're going to expect me to know it."

"Why don't you convert to-"

"Shut up, Hidan!" everyone screamed in unison.

"May your souls be damned to heaven," he muttered.

* * *

A/N: Ok, look out for the next chapter! I reuse a villain from 'Read My Mind', and let's see if you can guess who it is! I want five reviews before I post the next chapter. Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Deidara lay on the field, on the farthest end where nobody ever went. The breakup had really opened his eyes, and he wondered what on earth he had seen in Sasori, and why exactly they had gotten together. At some points he thought he could remember something he had seen in Sasori's eyes. "Deidara-san?" A nice voice asked. Deidara cracked an eye open and saw Tobi leaning over him.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Can I sit with you?" Tobi asked.

"Sure," Deidara gave a small smile. Tobi lay down next to Deidara.

"Deidara-san, have you been feeling all right?" Tobi asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, it just seems that you're sad, or tired, or something," Tobi replied. "I was just wondering if you were all right."

"Yeah, un. I'm fine." Deidara wasn't strictly lying. He did feel fine, at least, whenever Tobi was around.

"Are you sure? If you ever need to talk about something, you know you can talk to me," Tobi looked over at Deidara, who had closed his eyes again.

"I've just been a bit tired recently," Deidara mumbled, leaning his head against Tobi's shoulder. Tobi smiled. Within a few minutes, Tobi heard Deidara's breathing even out, and he knew the blond was asleep.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Deidara asked as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"You just looked so peaceful, like you hadn't slept in days, I didn't want to disturb you," Tobi replied. "I brought my dad's car to school today, I can drive you home." Deidara sighed and extended a hand up to Tobi, asking for help up. Tobi gladly helped Deidara up, and they started for the parking lot. "I'm really sorry I didn't wake you up," Tobi said once they got in the car.

"No big deal, un," Deidara replied, leaning back in the chair.

"Where do you live?" Tobi asked. Deidara stiffened.

"Um. . .you could just drop me at the bus stop. I like walking, seriously. I need to get more exercise. See? I'm fat, I need to walk." Deidara hoped his very unbelievable lie.

"Whatever you want," Tobi said happily. Deidara sighed in slight relief. Gullible people should hang out with bad liars more often. They sat in silence for a long moment, before Tobi broke it. "Deidara?"

"Yeah, un?"

"What would you do if you liked someone?"

"I'd ask them out, un. Not that difficult," Deidara replied simply. "Do you like someone?" Deidara grinned, having already guessed the answer and the subject.

"Well. . .yes. . ."

"Oh really? Who is it?" Deidara asked, his grin growing slightly more sadistic. Tobi shifted uncomfortably.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course!"

"Um. . .promise not to get mad?"

"Promise, un."

"Um. . .will you go out with me?" Tobi blurted. Deidara grinned.

"Sure," he said, smiling. Quickly, he leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Tobi's cheek. "Keep your attention on the road!" Tobi blinked and got back in his lane.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes, really, un! I don't want to die!"

"No, I mean, you'll really go out with me?"

"Sure, why not? Jeez, don't run over that old lady!" Tobi swerved back into his lane again.

"You won't regret this, Deidara!" Tobi said happily.

"Just get me to the bus stop in one piece," Deidara pleaded. For the records, Deidara did get home in one piece, and so did Tobi.

* * *

Kakuzu groaned and rolled over, snatching up his cell phone and turning it off so that it wouldn't wake Hidan. Sighing, he ran a hand through his unruly black locks and swung his naked body out of bed. After a moment of searching, he located his pants and boxers, quickly slipping into them. He paused in dressing himself when Hidan rolled over and stared at him. "Don't go," he begged. Kakuzu sighed and turned back to his lover.

"I have a job to get to. I'll make you breakfast, all right?" Kakuzu hoped this would satisfy Hidan, but unfortunately it didn't.

"You never stay," Hidan pouted. Kakuzu checked the clock.

"Hidan, please, I'm going to be late. I'm sorry I can't stay longer." Kakuzu bent to kiss Hidan on the forehead, but Hidan pushed him away.

"You never have any time for me," he whined. "Can't you just skip work today?" Kakuzu sighed.

"I need to pay bills, Hidan. Just go back to sleep and I'll have breakfast made when you get up. I'll spend the whole weekend with you, I promise." Kakuzu reached up to touch Hidan's face, but Hidan pushed him away, pouting. Kakuzu sighed. "Hidan. . ."

"Just go," Hidan snapped. Kakuzu sighed, standing slowly and slipping into his shirt.

"I'll pick you up from school?" Kakuzu tried. Hidan turned his back to him. "Ok, then. I can get there by four, if you want." Hidan said nothing. Kakuzu sighed and got up. He left the room, quickly locking himself in the bathroom and stripping down. His shower would have to be short, if he wanted to make Hidan breakfast. Without bothering to wait for the water to warm up, Kakuzu stepped into the shower. After a quick wash he stepped out again, dried himself on, and dawned his clothing once more. He then walked to his kitchenette and prepared a small breakfast, but didn't have time to make anymore as he realized he was late. Grabbing his keys, he called one last goodbye to Hidan before rushing out the door. He had to pay the rent, pay the payments on the car, somehow keep his crack addicted parents out of jail, send his insane little brother into rehab, or at least somewhere he couldn't get himself killed. And, of course, he'd have to buy groceries and gas, which weren't exactly cheap nowadays. There was just no way he could skip work, and he'd probably end up working weekend shifts, too.

* * *

Deidara was in his room when his cell phone rang. "Hello?" he answered.

"Hi Deidara,"

"Oh, hey Tobi," Deidara sat up, smiling.

"I was just wondering if you had any plans today. . ."

"Nope, un. You have something in mind?"

"Well, it's not exactly very fun, but I thought you might like to go see a movie."

"A movie?"

"Yeah. . .I know it was a bad idea-"

"What movie?" Deidara asked, getting off his bed and looking around his room for a pair of shoes.

"Um, whatever you want to see. . ."

"You're the one who knows what's playing, un."

"You don't have a newspaper?"

"Not on me, un. Your choice, I don't exactly have a preference, yeah. I haven't been to the movies in, like, forever." Deidara had been seven and had gone with Ino to see some stupid children's movie. And afterward, they had gotten stranded because the house forgot to pick them up.

"Does a comedy sound good to you?"

"Sure, un."

"Ok. . .let's see. . .how about Hancock?"

"Sure, un. When?"

"It's starting at eleven and ends at twelve-thirty. We can grab some lunch afterwards, if you want." Deidara found his wallet and checked it.

"Sure, un. Can you pick me up?"

"Of course!"

"I can meet you at the bus stop, yeah. It would he difficult to give you directions to my house, and I know the bus stop is right on your way, yeah."

"Good. I'll see you in twenty minutes, then."

"Cool." And they hung up. It was then that Deidara found he didn't have his brush. "Ino!" he called. A moment later Ino opened the door to his room.

"What is it?" she asked, irritated.

"Where's my brush, hmm?"

"Oh, I borrowed it. Give me a sec. . ." She left, and returned a minute later with Deidara's brush. "Where are you going? I thought you were going to stay in and mope."

"I have a date," Deidara replied, brushing the brush through his hair quickly before setting it down.

"A date?" Ino cried, grabbing the brush and sitting Deidara down on the bed. "With who?"

"Uzumaki Tobi, un. You know him, right?"

"Oh yeah!" Ino ran the brushy expertly through Deidara's hair and began to put it up. "You have to let me choose your clothes! This is really exciting! Sasori never took you out. . ."

"Way to ruin my mood. What is it with girls and dressing up?"

"Come on, please?" Ino begged.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"You slept in it! Here, let me choose your outfit. . ." Ino finished Deidara's hair and went over to his dresser, pulling out a pair of skinny black jeans. "Here, wear these," she said, throwing them at Deidara. "And. . . This is nice. . ." she pulled out a fishnet shirt and threw it at Deidara. "And finally, this!" She pulled out a black, tight t-shirt. "Put it on," she urged. "I want to see how it looks!" Deidara just stared at her. "Right. I'll leave," she slipped out of the room and waited in the hall as Deidara got dressed. Once he was done, Ino surveyed her handiwork. "It's nice, but it's missing something." She looked around and found a studded black collar. "There!" she handed it to him. "And these. . ." she also picked out a pair of studded black bracelets.

"What's the point of dressing up if we're going to be in a theatre?" Deidara asked.

"Tobi needs to know you're pretty! Because you are pretty, you know. Aw, please put some eyeliner on!" Ino grabbed the eyeliner off the dresser and handed it to Deidara. Sighing, Deidara began to apply it to his eyes.

"But he's only going to see me for a few minutes before we go into a dark theatre! What is the point of this? I'm going to get cold, anyway, and put a sweater on-"

"Don't!" Ino cried as Deidara reached for his large, bulky sweater.

"Why not?"

"You have to ask Tobi for his!" Ino replied. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to act like a whiney girl. That's the best known and most cliché tactic I've ever heard of! Give me my sweater!" Deidara lunged for his sweater, but Ino held it away.

"You know I'm two inches taller than you, and I'm in heals. Don't take the sweater, Dei-kun." Deidara lunged one last time for the sweater then gave up, sitting down on his bed.

"Why do I have to ask him for his jacket, un? Won't he get cold?"

"He's a man, Dei. He'll get over it."

"I'm a man too, you know, hmm," Deidara pointed out.

"So? Tobi's like, a foot taller than you!"

"It's not my fault my growth got stunted, un," Deidara muttered.

"Shut up. You have to act really cute, and- wait, you better not be taking your wallet!"

"Of course I'm taking my wallet! Why would I make him pay for everything?" Deidara cried. Ino sighed and shook her head.

"The guy is supposed to pay," she said, as if talking to a small child.

"Ino, come on! I'm a guy too, you know! You've been reading too many yaoi fics," Deidara replied, standing up. "I've got to go, or else I'll be late."

* * *

"What do you want to eat?" Tobi asked.

"Uh, nothing. I don't have much of an appetite," Deidara replied.

"Whatever you want," Tobi said happily. He got himself a bag of popcorn, and they headed into the theatre. They chose seats near the door, so they could make an escape if it got boring, and settled themselves in for the movie. "Deidara-kun?" Tobi whispered.

"What, yeah?"

"Do you want my jacket?"

"Uh. . ."

"Here," Tobi swung it off his shoulders and around Deidara's.

"Thanks?"

"No problem!" Tobi grinned.

The movie had started and the lights had dimmed. It was now Deidara noticed they didn't have the armrests up. He noticed this as Tobi's hand slunk closer to his. Deidara, who had the attention span of a kindergartener today, watched with fascination as Tobi's gloved hand inched closer and closer. Deciding Tobi was taking too long, Deidara moved his hand a little closer, nudging it against Tobi's. Tobi jumped slightly, but got the hint and closed his fingers around Deidara's. Deidara couldn't quite tell in the light, but he thought for a moment that maybe Tobi was blushing. Such innocence.

* * *

"Kuzu-kun?" Deidara asked sweetly.

"That isn't going to work, Deidara. I spent the weekend with Hidan, against all better judgment. What do you want?"

"Um. . .can you give me a ride this weekend? I have a doctor's appointment on Saturday at ten, and there aren't any buses."

"Hmm. . .let's see. . ." A loud clack and a few choice swear words came from the other end, but in a moment Kakuzu was back on. "Sorry, dropped my phone. I think, if you don't mind jumping out of a moving car."

"Sure, un."

"Oh shit! Got to go!" and with a click, the line went dead. Deidara shook his head and closed his phone. Tobi wasn't there today at his usual time, and Deidara was entertaining himself with strange scenarios of why Tobi hadn't showed up. Maybe the awkwardness of their date had made him sick, or he had randomly gotten sick. Or maybe he was run over by a bus! Deidara wondered where he had suddenly gotten an imagination. He usually didn't think of random, idiotic scenarios as to why people weren't there. If Sasori didn't meet him, as he hadn't for their first, last, and only date, Deidara just assumed Sasori didn't want to be around him, waited for an hour, then went home. But, maybe, he didn't want to think that Tobi didn't want to be around him.

.

"Hey, Dei!" Hidan cried.

"Wah?" Deidara rolled over and faced Hidan.

"Were you seriously asleep?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, why?" he replied, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Dude, you've been such a stick in the mud recently! Where were you on Saturday?"

"I know where you were, un," Deidara shot defensively.

"Oh it is so on, Blondie!" Hidan screamed, jumping to his feet.

"Oh yeah? It's so on!" Deidara cried, jumping up as well.

"I bet on Deidara," Pein said.

"Why?" Kisame asked.

"He's gone into PMS mode," Pein replied smoothly.

"Oh you are so dead!"

"Bets on Deidara!" Kisame chirped in.

"Don't forget about me!" Hidan kicked Deidara in the back of the head. Deidara whirled around.

Fifteen minutes later saw them in the principal's office. "Boys, I thought you two were friends," the principal sighed.

"Kakashi-sensei, we are friends," Deidara explained tiredly.

"Friends? Really? And I suppose friends give each other black eyes on a regular basis?" Kakashi said.

"Of course!" Hidan answered.

"You two are so strange," Kakashi said, rubbing his forehead. "Why do friends beat each other up?"

"It's just a little fist fight! Jeez, haven't you ever been a guy? That's the way guys blow off steam," Deidara said.

"I don't think you should be lecturing me on how to be a guy," Kakashi said slowly. Deidara gaped and slumped into his seat, not saying another word. "Right. I would assign you both detentions. . ." Hidan hissed, but Deidara remained motionless. "But I ran out of forms this morning, and it would be such a hassle to get more, so I'll let you two off the hook. Just pretend I gave you guys a good talking-to, and are emotionally traumatized." Hidan glanced over at Deidara.

"Looks like Dei doesn't have to pretend," he muttered. "Nice going, Kakashi-sensei."

"Hey, not my fault he took offense. You boys may go."

* * *

A/N: Review please! Four reviews and I'll update!


	3. Chapter 3

"Go, go, go!" Kakuzu screamed, merely slowing down in front of the hospital. Deidara leapt out of the car, stumbling, but catching himself. Kakuzu zoomed off, obviously late for something important. Deidara swept his hair out of his face and walked briskly up to the hospital doors.

Deidara quickly made it to his personal doctor's office. He slipped inside just in time, and was immediately handed a pregnancy test. "Go take the pregnancy test," the doctor said.

"What, un? Jiraiya-san-"

"No buts, its regulation for any non-virgin with a uterus."

"How do you know I didn't do him?"

"Did you?"

". . .no. . ."

"Then go take it," Jiraiya finished their conversation and pushed Deidara into the bathroom joined to the small office. Deidara sighed and did as he was told.

A minute later he emerged and handed the test to Jiraiya. "A plus means 'Good job, you're not pregnant', right?" he asked. Jiraiya checked the test, did a double-take, shook the test, and stared at it some more.

"No, a plus means 'you're fucked, hermaphrodite, you're pregnant.'" Jiraiya said.

"Oh, thanks, makes me feel much better," Deidara muttered. "And I'm a guy, guys don't get pregnant." Jiraiya sighed.

"You'd better sit down, I have a few things to explain to you." He sat Deidara in the chair across from his desk and sat down at the desk. "Now, you, unlike most people, were born with both sets of sex organs-"

"Yeah, yeah I know all of that! And the orphan budget didn't cover the payment for the full sex change, so the doctor sewed up my vagina and hoped I didn't explode." Jiraiya coughed.

"Not exactly, but that's the basic idea. Out of generosity, the doctor also got rid of your hormone glands in your ovaries, so that the eggs wouldn't develop and you wouldn't get your periods. It's worked so far, hasn't it?"

"Jeez, what an ass. If I ever meet that doctor, I swear I'm gonna kill him."

"That's beside the point. And how do you know the doctor is a he?"

"Because only a guy can screw up a damn sex change that badly, un."

"Ahem. Now, then, it seems as if an egg has developed. We haven't monitored you, the budget doesn't extend that far, and apparently an egg developed and somehow made it to the uterus without any- well, I suppose there were some hormonal signals. Somehow. And somehow, it seems as if your boyfriend's sperm worked its way into your uterus." Jiraiya concluded, looking as if this settled things.

"So. . .I'm fucked?" Deidara asked.

"Basically. You've somehow gotten yourself pregnant without vaginal sex. Good job."

"Good job? I'm only seventeen!"

"So? People get knocked up at earlier ages than that, Deidara. As early as twelve-"

"I want an abortion. Like, right now. Just take the whole fucking thing out, all the shitty equipment, everything." Deidara crossed his arms. Jiraiya rubbed his head.

"Abortions aren't that easy, and neither are sex changes, Deidara."

"It wouldn't be a sex change, un! It would just be making me a normal dude."

"Deidara, first let's come to terms with this whole pregnancy thing. How the hell did you get knocked up without a vagina?" Deidara groaned and lay his head on the table.

"How am I supposed to know?" Deidara mumbled. Jiraiya sighed.

"You're dating Akasuna Sasori, right?"

"Um. . .not right now. . ." Deidara muttered, blushing.

"Oh? So who's kid is it?"

"Sasori's, un. I haven't. . .ahem. . .with anyone else. . ."

"I see. And Sasori didn't know of your. . .erm. . .special case?"

"Of course not, un! He didn't even know I don't have parents, yeah." Deidara replied.

"I see. So does this guy have like, mutant monster sperm or what?" Deidara lay his head on his arms, not saying a word. "All right, I'm sorry. When did you two break up?"

"Two weeks ago, yeah," Deidara muttered.

"I see. When was the last time you two had sex?"

"I'd say about three weeks ago," Deidara answered. Jiraiya chuckled.

"I see. Is there any other way his sperm could've entered your body?" Deidara blushed and looked away, nodding. "I see. But you're not going to tell me, are you?" Deidara shook is head. "Let me guess: blowjob?" Deidara nodded, blushing deeper. "I see. Here, why don't you go take another test?"

"Give me a huge glass of orange juice and wait fifteen minutes, then sure, un," Deidara replied. After a silence, he broke down. "God, what if I am pregnant? What the hell would I do?"

"Calm down, Deidara. Here, I'll go get you some orange juice, so just sit tight and don't freak out on me," Jiraiya said soothingly, and left. Deidara sighed, and looked down at the pregnancy test Jiraiya had left on the table. That little pink plus sign was the worst thing he'd ever seen.

* * *

Deidara stared up at his ceiling. After the second test, Jiraiya was convinced he was pregnant. The doctor had sent him home with promises to schedule an abortion, and also promised to call the second he got it arranged. 'See, it'll be difficult to get someone to do it, because of the duel-gender thing. And your lack of vagina, of course.' But until then, Deidara was to stay out of trouble. Deidara found it hard to live without getting into trouble, so he had simply gone to school, come home, and tried not to start fights with Hidan, and especially not Itachi. It had been five days, and Deidara was itching for some adventure. As if answering his prayers, his cell phone rang. "Hello?" Deidara answered.

"Hey, Dei. I just got in a fight with Kakuzu and I want to do something. Got any ideas?" Deidara glanced out the window.

"I have a few," he replied with a sly smile.

"I knew you would."

* * *

Jiraiya stared at the phone. It was just one call. Taking a deep breath, he picked up the phone and dialed the number. "Hello, how may I help you?"

"Hi, I'm calling about orphan funding. How much would be given for an abortion?"

"How old is the orphan we're talking about?"

"A seventeen year old. . .uh. . .male?"

"I'm sorry sir, but no funding can be spent on an abortion for a male orphan. Funding only goes to female orphans for abortions. Is this orphan a female?"

"Ok. . .said orphan is a hermaphrodite. How much funding would be given then?"

"Um, I don't believe our policy covers that. Let me put you on hold for a moment, while I look it up. . ." Mozart's 'Eine Kleine Nachtmusik' began playing. Jiraiya sighed. He wasn't paid enough for this. Well, actually, that was the problem here. "I'm sorry, I'll have to redirect your call to my supervisor. Hold on one moment. . ."

"Hello?"

"Hi, my name is Dr. Jiraiya, and I'm calling on behalf of a patient of mine. I'm just wondering how much funding would go to getting him an abortion?"

"How old is he right now and when is his birthday?"

"He's seventeen, and his birthday is in January."

"Excuse me, but did you say 'he'?"

"Yes, my patient is a clinically proven hermaphrodite."

"I see. . .well, when will the birth-"

"I'm talking about getting an abortion. How much money would cover him?"

"I'm sorry, but we don't exactly have money to cover it. The most you'll get is fifty pounds."

"That isn't near enough. That won't even cover the abortion, let alone the sex change!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but funding only covers him until he's eighteen. But, in recent years, funding stops at seventeen and a half."

"You're kidding. So if he breaks a leg, no one is going to pay?"

"Look, funding for orphans is already sketchy. We wouldn't pay for a sex change anyway, and an abortion for a seventeen- who turns eighteen in January- male-"

"He's got a uterus-"

"Would be nonexistent. I'm sorry, sir, but an abortion is out of the question. You'll just have to make do with getting him through the pregnancy."

"This is completely-"

"Ludicrous, I know, but it's not our fault."

"Right, of course. Whatever. Thank you for your time." And Jiraiya hung up rudely. This was perfect. There would probably be only one call harder than the one he had just made. The call telling Deidara he would have to stay pregnant.

* * *

"It's really nice of you to take me out like this. . ." Deidara said, looking around.

"Sempai, it's normal. It's just lunch," Tobi said, smiling. Deidara shrugged.

"No one ever bought me lunch before," he muttered.

"Well, I'll be the first." Deidara sighed and gave in, checking over the menu. They had just seen another movie, and Tobi had insisted on taking Deidara out to lunch at a restaurant. It wasn't a nice restaurant, a little outside café at most, but it was still the first time anyone had bought Deidara lunch.

"So, you don't talk much about your family," Tobi said conversationally. Deidara froze, water glass half-way to his mouth.

"Um, you're right! I don't!" Deidara gave a fake smile and wished something would change the topic. It had been the same with Sasori, whenever the red-head had bitched about his own home life, Deidara had remained completely silent about his own lack of parents. He could tell his friends easily, the only danger was Kisame hugging him to death. But for some reason, whenever he looked into Sasori's eyes, he just couldn't bring himself to tell him. Luckily, Tobi sensed Deidara's sensitivity and dropped the matter.

"You look pretty with your hair up," Tobi said, smiling. Deidara blinked. Ino had somehow found out he had a date, and insisted again on doing his hair and picking his clothes.

"Thank you," Deidara said, deciding wearing his hair up would be a must.

"You're welcome. I have a sort of weird question."

"Shoot."

"Do you know an Uchiha Sasuke?"'

"Oh, sure. The little brat with the stick up his ass? I'm friends with his older brother, Uchiha Itachi," Deidara gave a genuine smile. "What do you need to know about him?" Just as Tobi was about to answer, Deidara felt his cell phone vibrate.

"One sec," Deidara was sure to give Tobi a beautiful smile as he answered his phone. "Hello?"

"Deidara, hi, this is Jiraiya. I have some pretty weird news, so are you sitting?" Deidara blinked and glanced at Tobi.

"Not now. Please, don't do this to me now," he hissed. "Give me a minute." He placed a hand over the phone. "I'm really sorry Tobi, but I have to take this call. Sorry!"

"It's all right," Tobi gave a reassuring smile. Deidara sighed with relief and stood up, rushing off to the bathroom.

"Ok, what's this weird news?" he demanded.

"I've done some research, and as it turns out you can't get an abortion," Jiraiya said. Deidara blinked, then leaned against the wall.

"No," he whispered. "No, seriously, I need this abortion."

"I'm sorry Deidara, but what you're asking for is impossible. You'll just have to go through with this pregnancy, and-"

"No! Fuck no!" Deidara cried. "I can't! Jiraiya, I just can't! There's no way in fucking hell that-"

"Deidara, calm down. We need to think about this-"

"When hell freezes over and Sasori gets the stick out of his ass! There's just no way!"

"Deidara! Listen to me!" Deidara took calming breaths and slowly slid to the bathroom floor. "I want to see you tomorrow, right away."

"Tomorrow's Monday-"

"I know what day tomorrow is! Now just shut up and listen! Instead of going to school, just come to my office."

"No buses go by your office early enough."

"I don't care right now. I have a colleague who is more experienced in this field than I am, I'll ask her to come by. Deidara, do you understand?"

"Jiraiya, I can't do this," Deidara stuttered. "I just can't."

"So what do you expect to do instead of go through with this?" Jiraiya asked angrily.

"I- I-"

"Don't even think about it!" Jiraiya cried. "Deidara, listen to me, don't kill yourself!" Deidara took deep, shuddering breaths.

"Jiraiya, this is ludicrous. Why can't I get an abortion?"

"Medical reasons. There's some complications."

"Look, I'm seventeen, I can't have a baby. What am I going to do with the baby, anyway?"

"You could give it up for adoption, or-"

"Oh, yeah, like that ever works," Deidara grumbled.

"You could be, like, a surrogate mother and get a couple to promise to adopt your kid once it's born."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Now, where are you?"

"In the bathroom of some café. I was on a date with Tobi, until you ruined my life."

"Right. Who's this Tobi?"

"Tobi? We're going out. . ."

"You sound hesitant."

"Well, I'm pregnant, so we're probably going to cut it off at some point. Whatever. So tomorrow?"

"Yeah. See you then?"

"I suppose. . ."

"Right. See you!" And Jiraiya hung up. Deidara leaned his head back on the wall and took deep, calming breaths. Shakily, he stood up, took a glance in the mirror, and left.

"Are you all right, Deidara?" Tobi asked worriedly. Deidara nodded, sitting down.

"Yeah, un. I'm fine." he muttered. Tobi got the hint not to ask further, but the worry showed on his face for the rest of their date.

* * *

A/N: I forgot a warning: OOCNESS!! And what Deidara decides to do with the baby is NOT what you SHOULD do! So don't try this at home, kiddies! And review please, four reviews and I post the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Deidara practically hit the ground rolling ad Kakuzu zoomed off. Brushing himself off, he quickly made it to Jiraiya's office without further incident. There, he found himself in the presence of Jiraiya, and three women. One was blond and looked to be the oldest, the second was younger with brown hair and an inviting smile. The third was extremely young and had pink hair and a cute grin plastered on her face. Deidara blinked confusedly. "Wrong room?" he asked.

"Deidara, this is Tsunade, a comrade of mine." The blond woman nodded.

"And this is my assistant, Shizune," Tsunade indicated the brown haired woman. "And this is Sakura, she's still in training." The pink haired girl grinned wider.

"Hi!" she said, reaching out a hand. Deidara tentatively shook it.

"So what the hell are they doing here?" Deidara asked.

"I said I would call in a colleague of mine, and I did. Did you think I'd be handling the first pregnant male on my own, did you?" Deidara sighed.

"Sure, un. So they're here to. . .help?"

"Basically." Deidara turned to Tsunade.

"So I can't get an abortion?" he demanded. Tsunade sighed.

"No, you can't get an abortion. Haven't we been over this?"

"Just checking to make sure a doctor who doesn't have shit for brains thinks the same thing."

"Deidara!" Jiraiya cried, but Sakura giggled.

"Nice one, Dei-kun," she giggled. Deidara raised an eyebrow at the nickname, but said nothing. Not like that name belonged to anyone.

"So what the hell are we going to do?" he asked.

"Here, sit down," Shizune directed him to a seat. Tsunade cleared her throat.

"I've looked over the information, and the only solution I could see was recreating your female organs and go through this like a normal, female pregnancy. But Jiraiya-" she sent the other doctor a glare "-disagrees. Why don't you tell him your unethical but cheaper idea, Jiraiya?" Jiraiya coughed awkwardly as Deidara gave him a glare that could melt bricks.

"You know what? I like your idea, Tsunade. Just one minor surgery, and presto!" Jiraiya looked around, laughing awkwardly.

"Slap him for me, will you?" Deidara asked Tsunade. Luckily, Sakura and Tsunade both slapped Jiraiya upside the head.

"Right. Now, Deidara, you're a teenage gay guy, you've probably never even thought about pregnancy at all," Shizune said, turning to Deidara as Sakura and Tsunade continued their fight with Jiraiya. "I'll tell you about the basics, just to give you an overview. You'll have insane mood swings, strange, random cravings, and you'll get fat."

"Oh, why must God hate women so much?" Deidara groaned.

"It's not God, simply genetics. Now, you'll have to keep yourself healthy and start eating more. I'll make a list of foods you have to stear clear of, and I'll also add things to eat more of. Let's see. . .any questions?" Deidara was looking slightly overwhelmed.

"Um. . ."

"Here, I'll write down all the rules of pregnancy!" Tsunade cried. "Sakura, I'll dictate, you write."

"Yes ma'am!" Sakura saluted and got out a piece of paper and a pen.

"Right. No sushi, raw meat, deli meat, hot dogs, cheese, seafood, and liver. That sound good? Right. Also; no smoking, drinking, or fighting."

"No fighting?" Deidara cried, suddenly snapping into attention.

"That's right. You'd hate to harm the baby, right? So keep away from fights," Tsunade instructed.

"How am I supposed to blow off steam, yeah?" Tsunade shrugged.

"Write poetry? That's not exactly a problem. How many fights do you tend to get into?"

"At least once a day, un," Deidara mumbled.

"Well stop it. Now, remember, moderation is good. So eat a variety of things, like grains, milk products, protein, fruits, and vegetables."

"Where am I going to get those, un?" Deidara asked. Tsunade sighed.

"Ever hear of a grocery store?" she asked sarcastically.

"Whatever. So I gorge myself on all these healthy foods, give up drinking-" Deidara stopped and looked around quickly. "-not that I ever did that-, give up all sources of fun, get fat, get moody, eat gross things, and pop out a baby?"

"Wow, I never thought I could hear pregnancy summarized so well." Jiraiya said. "That's about-"

"That's not all at all!" Tsunade whapped Jiraiya upside the head with the back of her hand and turned back to Deidara. "Right. Any questions?" Deidara was looking still quite overwhelmed, and the first thing that came to mind he blurted out.

"Do I have to tell Sasori?" he instantly regretted asking it, he regretted bringing it up even.

"Sasori?" Sakura asked.

"Uh. . .yeah. . .the father?" Deidara felt his face flush.

"If he goes to your school he'll probably find out anyway," Tsunade said slowly.

"You don't mean Akasuna Sasori, do you?" she asked, leaning closer. Deidara felt his face heat up further.

"Uh. . .yeah?"

"Oh my God! He asked me out, like, a year ago! He's so creepy!"

"Sakura. . ." Tsunade warned. Sakura blinked, then realized the look in Deidara's eyes.

"Oops, sorry," she said. "I'm sure he's-"

"We broke up a few weeks ago, un," Deidara said softly.

"Jeez, you have to tell him that you're bearing his baby? I feel for you." Sakura gave Deidara a quick hug. Deidara was used to getting overly sympathetic people hugging him, and felt no awkwardness to this girl whom he'd only just been introduced to hugging him.

"Sakura! Get off Deidara!" Shizune cried. Sakura dropped her arms to her sides. "All right. We'll schedule an ultra-sound for six months from now. We might need to schedule some others, just to check up. And that surgery to reopen your vaginal canal-" Shizune turned to Tsunade. "When do you think we should schedule that?"

"Um, how about next week. I'll be able to get him in on Friday. Does that work for you?" She looked to Deidara.

"Sure, un. I'll just skip school and come here?"

"Right. And you'll be able to rest up over the weekend." Tsunade laid a hand on Deidara's shoulder. "Are you all right?" Deidara looked up into the kind face of the older woman.

"Yeah," he said, giving Tsunade a shaky smile. Suddenly he stood, bowing to Tsunade. "I'll be here at eight thirty, instead of going to school?"

"Shizune? Am I free?" Tsunade asked.

"Yes, Tsunade. You always tell me to keep your Fridays free," Shizune replied.

"Good. You got all of this, Deidara?" Tsunade turned to Deidara. Deidara nodded. "Right. I'll see you at eight-thirty?"

"Yeah- wait! I can't- oh never mind. I'll find a way to get here. Anything else?"

"Don't forget your list of things not to do during pregnancy!" Sakura waved the sheet around.

"And I'll write you a note to get you out of gym class," Tsunade offered, taking a piece of paper and beginning to write.

"Wait-" Deidara yelped. "Don't tell him I'm pregnant." Tsunade looked up.

"And what do you propose I tell him?" she asked.

"Just something else, like I've got a bad cold or I've been recently decapitated-"

"Deidara, just give him this note and you'll get out. Ok. . .you're going back to school, right?" Deidara nodded slowly. "Right. Sakura, drive him to school."

"Will do!" Sakura saluted and Tsunade threw her a set of keys. Deidara sulked out of the room. He had planned to just cut the rest of the day, and Tsunade must've seen that for the way she trapped him.

Sakura was more than chatty on the way to his school. She mostly just filled the air with easy, friendly topics that Deidara had little reaction to, but finally she managed to get through to him with something they had in common.

"So, how long did you and Sasori go out?" she asked conversationally. Deidara stared at her, then regained himself.

"I dunno, around a year?" he replied. He hadn't really kept track of when he asked Sasori out.

"Really?"

"And how do you know Sasori?" Deidara asked, trying to make conversation.

"Oh, his grandmother used to work at the hospital, and he used to come around a lot. He always seemed like a cold person, but maybe he was just shy?" She glanced over at Deidara, and Deidara understood she was trying to be nice.

"Nah, cold, heartless bastard till the end," Deidara said.

"I see. So. . ."

"If you're a gossip central and just want to know the grimy details, all you have to do is ask, un," Deidara stated. Sakura gasped.

"You cut to the chase," she noted.

"Sasori said the same thing. . ." Deidara smirked at the blush that covered her cheeks. There was something about making straight girls blush that would never get old. Of course, getting non-straight girls to blush wasn't all that easy, and not nearly as satisfying.

"What did you see in him? I mean, you two broke up and all. . . What for?" Deidara shrugged.

"I don't exactly know. He just called it all off. But I was fine with. . .not breaking up. . ." Deidara trailed off.

"I see. Are you interested in anyone else? I could set you up-"

"You're just as bad as Ino. Yes, I'm interested in someone, but it'll have to end."

"Why?"

"Because I'm pregnant. What sort of self-respecting male would want to date a pregnant male? And it's just plain wrong." Sakura looked sympathetically over at him.

"You don't have to give up everything while being pregnant, you know," she said.

"But he'll be too nice to break it off. I know he'll want to, it's just wrong to date while pregnant-"

"You seem to have a lot of views on pregnancy for a gay guy," Sakura cut in. "Do you like him?"

"Duh, un. That's why I want to call it off," Deidara stated matter-of-factly.

"You're not making any sense. Who is this guy, anyway?"

"A guy at my school, un. He's in my grade."

"If you had to describe him in only three words, which three would those be?"

"Um. . .nice. . .is not demanding two words or one?"

"I'll count it as one."

"Ok, nice, not demanding, and. . .sweet." Sakura smiled to herself. Deidara was cute when he was being honest.

"Sounds like a guy who won't really care. You tell him, and see what he says. I'd take a bet he wouldn't care. Or else he'll want to help you. Don't worry about it, it doesn't sound like he will."

* * *

"Sasori, can we talk?" Deidara asked. He had ended up skipping out on the rest of Monday, and now it was Tuesday morning. All Monday night he had told himself he would tell Sasori this morning, and he wasn't about to back down. But Tobi was a different story.

Sasori stopped, sighed, and turned around to face Deidara. "I suppose," he sighed, sounding as if it were a great trial.

"In private, if you don't mind," Deidara said, grinding his teeth to keep from punching Sasori. What the hell had he ever seen in him? Sasori found this slight wish the most grievous request ever made of him.

"Fine, Deidara, have it your way," he consented, giving Deidara the impression of a slug as they made their way to the nearest boys' bathroom. Deidara didn't bother checking under the stalls, no one in their right mind used the school bathrooms this early in the morning. "What's so important we have to talk in private for?" Sasori asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Deidara took a deep breath and looked at the tiled floor.

"You're going to freak out," he mumbled.

"So? Just get this over with, I have other things I need to do." Sasori stuck his nose in the air, as if Deidara didn't smell right.

"Ok. . .I'm pregnant. . ." Deidara waited a long, painful moment before peeking up at Sasori.

"How?" Sasori asked emotionlessly.

"I- I'm a h-hermaphrodite, actually. . .it's sort of complicated. . .but you're the father, and-"

"If you expect me to take care of this. . .thing. . .then don't even bother asking. The answer is no. I'll give you the money for the abortion." Deidara took a long, shaking breath. Not like he expected Sasori to care.

"I- I can't get an abortion," he whispered. "There's complications, and- I can't have an abortion."

"So what do you expect from me?" Sasori demanded. "Do you expect me to pay child care? I don't have to, I'm still a minor-"

"I'm not looking for money, Sasori."

"Then why bother telling me?" Sasori rolled his eyes. "You're as naïve as ever. You don't know how lucky-"

"Shut the fuck up, Sasori!" Deidara screeched. He almost flattened Sasori then and there. "You're the lucky one, you have your grandmother to take care of you! She cares enough to tell you to keep away from me. But who do I have? I'm an orphan! No one cares about me!" Sasori stayed silent for a long moment. "And you want to know what else? I'm not going to get any money from anyone for this baby that I'm forced to give birth to."

"I'll give you mon-"

"I'd be a sick person to accept your money. I don't want it." Deidara spat at Sasori's feet. "That's what you can do with your damn money." Sasori looked livid.

"You're such an ungrateful whore," he hissed and whisked out of the bathroom. Deidara stood silent for a moment, then took a choking, sobbing breath and leaned against the wall. And to his intense horror, a stall door slowly slid open and he nearly had a heart attack.

"T-Tobi?" he breathed. Tobi blinked and nodded, slowly taking a step forward. Deidara gulped thickly and looked at the ground, his face heating up. "You heard?"

"Every word." Tobi took another step forward, and another, until he was looming over Deidara. "Deidara-"

"I know, I- I was planning on telling you, really. I- I'm sorry, I know you probably hate me now-" Deidara turned to leave, but Tobi caught his shoulder, gently spinning the blond so they were facing.

"I don't hate you," he said with confusion in his voice. He reached out to cup Deidara's cheek. "Deidara, I had no idea-" he stopped himself. "So you're pregnant?" Deidara nodded wordlessly. "And you can't get an abortion?" Deidara nodded again. "And you don't have anyone to take care of you?" Deidara nodded again. Tobi gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you!" Deidara blinked at Tobi.

"What do you mean, un?" he asked suspiciously.

"Whatever you want it to mean. I have a job, and I've saved up a bit of money. I can help pay, or-" Tobi rubbed his thumb over Deidara's jaw bone. "-I can help emotionally."

"You won't-"

"I have no intention of leaving you, Deidara. You need someone to help you, and I'll be that someone." Taking a deep breath, Tobi leaned forward and clashed their lips together. Surprised, Deidara's mouth dropped open and Tobi dipped his tongue in. Catching himself, Deidara wrapped his arms around Tobi's neck and tilted his head, sucking expertly. When they parted with a pop, a string of saliva connected their mouths. Deidara gave a shaky smile and pressed his face into Tobi's chest.

"Thank you. . ." he mumbled.

"No problem," Tobi replied, letting his hands rest on the small of Deidara's back.

* * *

**A/N: You guys suck. I'm posting this without the correct amount of reviews to say this: GIVE ME FOUR REVIEWS, DAMNIT! All I ask is to review, so I know you're reading, so I can know if you've fucking read it or not! Jeez.**


	5. Chapter 5

Deidara took a deep breath. This was it. "Hey, Blondie! You getting fat?" Hidan asked, poking Deidara's arm. Deidara blinked.

"Yeah, I am, un," he said slowly, wondering how else to break the news. Hidan blinked.

"You agree with me?" he asked.

"Yup. Two pounds." Deidara sighed. "I have something to tell you guys. . ."

"Can we guess?" Hidan asked. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"You'll never guess, though. But give it a shot. . ."

"Ok um. . .do you have a new boyfriend?" Hidan asked.

"Um. . .yes. . .but that's not it-"

"Who is it?" Kisame cried.

"Uzumaki Tobi. But could we get back on-"

"Does it have to do with your weight?" Hidan asked rudely.

"Uh. . .yeah. . ."

"I know! You're getting fat!" Hidan sat back smugly.

"I thought we've already gone over this?" Deidara sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"Why don't you just tell us, Deidara, or else pretty soon they'll be coming up with stupid things like you being pregnant," Pein stated exasperatedly. Deidara blinked, blushed, and looked away.

"Lucky guess, un," Deidara mumbled. Pein blinked. Itachi didn't exactly seem interested in the first place. Kisame's eyes looked like saucers, and Konan looked like she had known all this time. Hidan broke out laughing. "What's so funny?" Deidara demanded.

"You thought you were gay!" Hidan gasped. "You're like, pregnant, right?"

"Right. . ." Deidara said slowly.

"So you've got a woman's equipment, right?"

"Right. . ."

"So you'd have to be, like, bi or something!" Hidan chuckled again. Deidara blinked in confusion.

"You're ok with all of this, un?"

"Sure, whatever. You'll get fat, though! Like a whale!"

"Thanks, Hidan. You do wonders for my self-esteem," Deidara said, rolling his eyes.

"So who's the father?" Konan asked.

"Sasori," Deidara mumbled.

"He can reproduce?" Hidan asked.

"Apparently so," Deidara sighed.

"What are you going to do with the baby?" Konan asked.

"I'm going to give it up for adoption, hopefully. You know, checking out families before I actually give birth. . ." They sat in silence for a long minute, and then the bell rang. They all leaped up and dispersed to their respective classes.

* * *

"Don't worry, Deidara-san. Tsunade is a very experienced doctor," Shizune assured him. Deidara fidgeted nervously nonetheless.

"It's normal to be nervous, right?" he asked. Shizune gave him a soft smile.

"Of course. Tsunade knows what she's doing, just relax." Deidara sighed.

"I'm still not sure about this whole thing," he admitted. Shizune cocked her head in a positively intrigued way.

"How so?" she asked.

"It's just. . .if I have to give birth to this baby, I. . .want to give it what I can. What if no one wants it?" Shizune lay a comforting hand on Deidara's shoulder.

"I'm sure even if the child goes to an orphanage, it'll get adopted. I hear-" Deidara turned his head away, hiding his shame. She didn't know, did she? Coughing, Deidara looked back at her.

"What if no one wants it?"

"I'm sure someone will adopt it," Shizune repeated. Deidara sighed.

"That's what they tell everyone, un," he muttered. "You'd think at lest in seventeen years, if I'd learned anything, it's that they always lie. They told me the same thing, that some day someone would adopt me, and I believed them." Shizune's eyes shone with sympathy.

"So you're an orphan?" she asked breathily.

"Yeah, un. My mum left me at a bus stop with a letter that said my name and birthday when I was a newborn."

"That's so sad!"

"It was in the papers, even. But guess what, un? No one thought to adopt me, hmm. Whenever I asked they told me someone would, and then sent me off to do something. They only lie to you. If I let my baby fall into that place, it'll never be loved."

"So you really have to find parents for it, don't you," Shizune said determinedly. Deidara gave her a thankful smile. "Now, let's get you into the surgery room. Go change and put this on," she said, standing and handing Deidara a hospital gown.

Deidara groggily opened his eyes and was met with the sight of a very happy Sakura. "Hello, Dei-kun," she said, grinning. Deidara closed his eyes and rolled over, his back to Sakura. "I'm here to give you instructions for your recovery. First of all, do not get out of bed this weekend unless you have to go to the bathroom or puke. Second of all, you'll have to take these pills-" she pulled out an orange vile of pills. "-twice a day; once in the morning and once before you go to bed at night. And tell your parents-"

"I don't have parents," Deidara mumbled.

"Oh. Well, get someone to take you meals in bed. Tsunade really doesn't want you out of bed. Got it?"

"Who's feeding me?" he asked, turning back to her.

"I don't know, whoever usually does," Sakura replied.

"Great, but that person is going to be in bed all weekend." Deidara said. Sakura sighed.

"Just rest up, ok? Here, let's get you out of that hospital gown and into your clothes," She said, standing up and walking over to the other side of the bed. Deidara groaned. "Give me your hand," she said, reaching out. Deidara extended his hand feebly, and Sakura grasped it firmly and helped him out of bed. Expertly, she wrapped his arm around her neck and helped him step into his pants. She then helped him take off the gown and slip into his shirt. "There. Come on, I'm going to drive you home," she said, trying to get Deidara to stand on his own. Wobbly, they made their way out to the parking lot and to Tsunade's car. "You'll feel groggy for the rest of today, but as long as you get lots of rest you'll be in great shape for school on Monday," Sakura explained.

"Un," Deidara mumbled. Sakura looked like she wanted to ask Deidara something, but thought better of it.

* * *

"Hello?" Deidara answered his phone.

"Hey, Deidara."

"Hi Tobi," Deidara said, cracking the first smile he had since Friday.

"It's good to hear your voice. I wasn't sure what had happened to you," Tobi admitted.

"Oh. . .I had a surgery yesterday and I've been in bed all weekend."

"What?" cried Tobi. "Are you all right? What was the surgery for? Was it scary?"

"Relax, Tobi. It was just a simple procedure to reopen my vagina so the baby can come out."

"Oh. Everything is all right? Nothing going wrong?"

"Nope. No need to worry!"

"I'm relieved."

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why haven't you been taking the bus?"

"Oh, my dad's car got out of the shop, so I've been driving me and my little brother to school. Why?"

"Just curious."

"Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm feeling fine."

"You just be sure to get some rest, ok? I'll see you on Monday?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Good! See you then!"

"Bye, un."

"Bye!" And they hung up. Deidara felt his smile fade, and a familiar feeling crept over him. He wanted so intensely to have Tobi here with him, he could only compare it to his want for parents when he was eight.

* * *

"Hidan, calm down!" Kakuzu tried.

"I hate them!" Hidan cried, ignoring Kakuzu. "I fucking hate them!"

"Hidan, please stop-"

"They said I couldn't see you! I'll fucking disown them!"

"Hidan!" Hidan finally looked into Kakuzu's eyes. "Stop, all right?"

"But-"

"No. Just stop. For as long as you're seventeen, you're in their house, and they're your guardians. They're probably right."

"But-"

"Hidan, stop. If you want, I'll talk to them, but otherwise, they're right." Hidan blinked. How long had Kakuzu's shoulders drooped like that, since when did those bags hang so ominously under his eyes?

"Kakuzu?" Hidan asked softly.

"I'm taking you home." Kakuzu straightened and headed for the parking garage. Hidan sighed and followed.

"Kakuzu, they're wrong. They just don't understand you."

"Hidan, you're seventeen, I'm nineteen. It makes sense. My whole family has issues, they don't even recognize me half the time, it's understandable your parents don't want you around me."

"Kakuzu, you're not a bad person. . ." Hidan realized how feeble his words sounded against Kakuzu's.

"Get in the car, Hidan," Kakuzu sighed.

"No," Hidan stated, crossing his arms over his chest. Kakuzu sighed tiredly.

"Hidan, I'm not going to fight you on this," he mumbled. "Just get in the car."

"Why?" Hidan demanded. Why was he giving in so easily? Kakuzu sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"I'm taking you home, Hidan. Get in the car." Kakuzu sighed again.

"But-"

"Hidan!" Kakuzu cried. "Get in the fucking car!" Was yelling the only way to get through to him? Hidan slammed open the door and slammed it behind him, showing Kakuzu every way possible that he wasn't happy. Kakuzu tiredly opened his door and slipped inside, starting the car without another word. The ride was forebodingly silent, though Kakuzu tried to start a few conversations, Hidan's sulky lack of response was enough to kill Kakuzu's halfhearted attempts. Finally, all too quickly and not quickly enough, they arrived in front of Hidan's house. Kakuzu, regretfully, stopped the car and got out. Hidan, evidently still angry over the entire situation, made sure getting out of the car was able to show Kakuzu his feelings. "Please, Hidan, if you keep slamming my doors, they'll break," Kakuzu said softly. Hidan crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his nose in the air, showing Kakuzu he'd slam doors if it made him happy, and Kakuzu couldn't do anything about it.

Sighing, Kakuzu walked Hidan up to the front door. As soon as they reached the door, it was flung open by a stout, angry woman. "Hidan!" she cried, grabbing the Satanist's arm and dragging him into the house, giving Kakuzu the evil eye. Kakuzu bowed to her.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Jashin," he said quietly.

"You'd better be," she snarled. "Hidan, what did I tell you? I don't want you hanging out with him."

"Mom. . ."

"Of course, Mrs. Jashin. I respect that," Kakuzu said humbly. It was only time before a knife was plunged into the heart of their relationship.

"You damn well better," Mrs. Jashin shot, and looked about ready to spit on him. Instead she turned to Hidan. "Please, darling, don't hang out with. . .people. . .like him," she shot Kakuzu a nasty look on the word 'people'. Kakuzu gave one last nod to Hidan and turned smartly, walking back to his car. With one last longing glance back at Hidan, he started his car and drove off.

* * *

A/N: Hey all! Thank you for all your positive feedback, I really enjoy your reviews! (plus it's the only way to get me to update. See, I'm good at motivating people.) There's something you should know about me: 1. I make shit up, so don't believe half the stuff you read in my stories. It's fucking impossible for a hermaphrodite with no vagina to get pregnant. 2. I can't keep a plot happy or simple. Thus we have the added effect of Kakuzu and Hidan, and pretty sure I'll enter Naruto, Itachi, and Kisame. Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

"Mom! Kakuzu's not a bad person!" Hidan tried for what felt like the millionth time that hour.

"Honey, he's a bad influence. Just look at his parents and his brother. What kind of an influence to they have on him? It's just not safe. I want you to be someone successful, not someone living in some broken down apartment with only drugs for comfort."

"Mom-"

"Hidan, your mother is right," Hidan's father said, stepping in. "This Kakuzu isn't a very stable person. You need to have reliable, responsible people around you."

"You don't even know him! Kakuzu is responsible, he's got like, a million fucking jobs!"

"Hidan, do you actually know what Kakuzu does for his jobs?"

"Uh. . .no. . ."

"He could be pedaling! Hidan, I don't want you hanging around him. That's final!"

"That's completely unfair! You can't decide my love life!"

"As long as you're in our house, Hidan, you'll live under our rules."

"You don't have a problem with any of my other friends!" Hidan shot.

"Uchiha Itachi is the son of corporal leaders. Fuuma Pein is the son of a wealthy bank owner. Hoshigaki and Konan Kisame have stable lives with parents who both work and are very stable guardians."

"What about Deidara?"

"He has some rather unpleasant circumstances. We can excuse him, as should you, from any poor choices he makes. You should be his good influence, not the other way around." Hidan had half a mind to tell them Deidara was pregnant, but that would mean he himself wasn't being a good influence. Ending the argument maturely with screams of how his parents had ruined his entire life, Hidan stomped off to his room to go throw a good fit.

* * *

Deidara sighed. Hopefully this would be his last trial to endure before childbirth. Taking a deep breath, he plunged into the gym teacher's office. "Asuma-sensei?" he asked politely.

"What do you want, Deidara?" Asuma boomed. Deidara winced. Asuma was one of those typical gym teachers who believed anything less than a football quarterback was a lazy piece of trash, and who also coached the football team and called the boys girls.

"My d-doctor says I can't do gym class. . ." Deidara stuttered, shoving the note at Asuma. Asuma picked it up and glanced down at it, quickly skimming over it before looking up and giving Deidara an unconvinced look.

"You're pregnant?" he demanded. Deidara nodded, feeling his cheeks flush. "That's disgusting. So you're not a boy?"

"I-I'm a guy, I just. . ."

"This is just sick. I don't want you anywhere near the boys' or the girls' locker rooms, you sick pervert." Deidara nodded, keeping his eyes trained on the floor. "This is so wrong. You're going to hell." Deidara nodded again, wishing he could just leave. Anything so he could get away. "Just- just go to the library or something. I don't want to see you in here again."

"Sure, un."

"And don't even think of looking at the boys while you leave." Asuma called after Deidara as he began to leave. Deidara winced at how loud that was, but managed to make it out alive. Taking deep gulps of fresh, autumn air, he tried to calm his nerves. He wouldn't normally be this distraught over something like this, he got it all the time. But this pregnancy had his emotions all over the entire emotional spectrum.

* * *

"Deidara?" Ino asked, yawning and turning on the light in the kitchen. Deidara looked up. "What the hell are you eating? Don't tell me you actually. . ."

"I always eat ramen with ketchup, un," Deidara said unconvincingly. Ino rolled her eyes and pulled up a chair next to Deidara.

"Dei-kun, I know something's been up. Does it have to do with Sasori?"

"Um. . ."

"Deidara, you can trust me. I won't tell anyone," Ino lay her hand on top of Deidara's. "Something is really bothering you. What is it?" Deidara took a deep breath.

"You have to promise not to freak out or anything. . ."

"I promise! Dei, you know me!"

"All right then. . .I'm pregnant."

"Nani?!"

"Shh! Do you want everyone to hear you?"

"Come on, we're the only ones here who know where babies come from. So Sasori knocked you up?" Deidara nodded, blushing. "So you're going to get an abortion?" Deidara shook his head.

"My doctor says I can't. So I have to. . .birth this thing, I guess." Ino didn't say anything, letting her eyes rest on Deidara for a long moment. Finally, she spoke.

"Deidara, promise me one thing," she whispered hoarsely.

"What?"

"You won't let it end up in a place like this," Deidara bit his bottom lip.

"Believe me, that's the last thing I want, un."

* * *

"Hey, Sasori," Neji whispered. "Is it me, or is Deidara getting fat?" Sasori looked up, not enjoying having his reading interrupted.

"Yes, he's fat. Why?"

"He's usually so skinny. . .and he's not fat everywhere. . ." Neji coughed.

"If you're wondering about something in particular, just ask it."

"What's going on with him?" Neji asked.

"He's pregnant."

"NANI?!"

"Yes, he's pregnant. Now turn back around, the teacher's looking." Neji turned back around and pretended to be reading, when all the while he was scribbling notes and passing them around. Sasori sighed, what immature children.

* * *

Deidara felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up. "What do you want, Kiba, un?" he asked.

"Is it true you're pregnant?" he asked loudly. Deidara's eyes widened.

"Um. . . No?" he tried. Kiba rolled his eyes.

"That's fucking nasty," he drawled. Deidara looked to Kiba's best friend, Shino, who was standing beside him. Usually Shino wouldn't go along with his friend's crazy schemes, but this time he seemed not to care what Kiba said to Deidara.

"Where did you hear it, un?" Deidara asked, standing up. He wouldn't get any sleep now.

"Sasori-san. You're such a slut. Seriously, you're pregnant, and dating Tobi! And who's fucking kid is it? Sasori's?"

"It's none of your damn business, un," Deidara spat, feeling his face flush. "You have no right to judge me."

"Oh, but I just did. But come on, you have to admit, it is a bit sluttish to date Tobi while bearing some other guy's baby. How is that supposed to make Tobi feel?"

"It's not your place to even think about that, un. Now get out of my face, yeah!" Deidara wished he were taller, that he hadn't had his growth stunted because of his female hormones. Kiba and Shino were those insanely tall guys that everyone envies.

"I'd be in your face if you were a bit taller," Kiba said, snickering as if he had made some witty remark.

"So what are you here for, hmm?" Deidara snapped.

"To confirm the rumor flying around the school. If I were you, I'd keep my face hidden until you graduate." Kiba laughed as he and Shino walked off. Deidara's heart sank.

"No," he breathed. In a varying state of cardiac arrest, Deidara burst from the library, looking around quickly as if he could spot a giant rumor walking around. He didn't see it, but some girls started whispering and snickered the second they saw him. Two guys looked at him then immediately ignored him. Sighing, he realized his life was about to get a whole lot tougher.

* * *

It was a month since Sasori started the rumors. When people ignore you, you tend to notice those who treat you normally. Deidara found only a few people stuck out, his friends mostly, but one did. This would be someone Deidara wouldn't have been able to pick out from a crowd, asides from the amazingly dorky haircut and strange obsession with green. And Deidara noticed him for a good reason: he was nice, and didn't care what people thought of him either.

Deidara had been expecting something awful for the past week, but this didn't seem to cross his mind as he walked alone through the halls after school. He had been sitting at the front of the school with Hidan and Itachi when he started getting cramps. Deciding exercising would to the trick, Deidara left the two lazy bastards at the front of the school to go take a walk. Hidan's incessant chattering and Itachi's growing tension and rage had not fueled his decision in the slightest.

Deidara found himself by the gym. He rubbed his stomach, which was showing a slight bump. His cramps were starting to go away, and he contemplating making the long trek to the front of the school. Then again, Hidan probably had something very personal and important to say to Itachi, so it might just be better if Deidara stayed here. Deidara wasn't too deeply involved with his thoughts, and heard when three people approached him.

Deidara turned to face Neji, Kiba, and Shino. Kiba and Neji were holding baseball bats, and Shino was holding a camera. Deidara instantly went into defense mode, backing away from the building so as not to be cornered. "What do you want, un?" Deidara asked suspiciously. Kiba smirked, taking a menacing step forward. "I'm a bit curious. Are you a boy, or a girl?" Kiba took another step forward, and so did Neji. Deidara took a few more steps backwards, and found himself pressed up against another building. Right, school had those.

"Get away from me, un," Deidara said, hoping they would listen. They small group advanced forward, trapping Deidara against the wall. Kiba leapt forward suddenly, grabbing Deidara's arm. Deidara tried to throw him off, but Neji hit him in the side with the baseball bat. Deidara gasped in pain, and Neji hit him in the back this time. After another hit, Deidara crumpled, curling himself in on his stomach to protect it. Kiba still had hold of his left arm, and now he grabbed Deidara's other hand. Deidara struggled again, but stopped the instant Neji hit him in the back of the head with the bat.

"There we go," Kiba said, moving Deidara was in a sitting position against the wall. Kiba worked himself behind Deidara, grabbing his arms and holding them still. Deidara, tears welling in his eyes, turned to Shino.

"Sh-Shino, help!" he tried. Shino shrugged and held up the camera.

"Frankly, Deidara, I'm curious. And so is the rest of the school, I might add. These pictures might go for quite a nice sum." Deidara's eyes widened in shock, fear, and pain. Neji dropped to his knees, reaching for Deidara's belt. Deidara kicked at him. Growling, Neji slapped him hard across the face.

"Help!" Deidara screamed. Kiba forced his hand over Deidara's mouth.

"Jeez, could you be any louder? Just shut up!" he cried. Neji reached again for Deidara's belt, undoing it and throwing it aside. Not too gently, he pulled Deidara's pants down to his knees and began the same treatment with Deidara's boxers. Deidara kicked again, biting Kiba's hand. "Ow! Fuck you. . ." Kiba growled. Neji picked up the baseball bat and clubbed Deidara over the head, hard. Deidara felt dizzy and sick, his vision swimming. Once he stopped struggling, Neji pulled his pants and boxers all the way off. Sitting back, Neji moved Deidara's legs so they were spread and his knees were by his ears. Shino lifted the camera and began snapping pictures, all the while Deidara emitting feeble protests and pleas to stop.

"Stop!" a familiar voice yelled. The three looked up, but Deidara didn't care, letting his head fall to the side, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. Kiba dropped him like a hot potato, Neji quickly stood and ran, Shino tucking the camera back in his pocket while following suite. Kiba looked slightly turn, but with one last kick to Deidara he too ran off. Deidara opened his eyes and looked into the worried face of Rock Lee.

"Deidara-san?" he asked. Deidara blinked, his tears stopping.

"Lee?" he asked, thoroughly confused.

"Here, Deidara-san," Lee held Deidara's pants and boxers out to him. Deidara blushed. Lee politely stood up and turned his back, and it was then that Deidara saw a man with him. Feeling even more ashamed, Deidara quickly stood up and slipped back into his clothes.

Deidara coughed. "You done?" Lee asked without turning around.

"Yeah," Deidara said hoarsely. Lee and the man both turned around. Lee rushed up to Deidara, clasping his hands.

"Are you all right, Deidara-san?" he asked worriedly. Deidara nodded, taking a deep breath. "What were they doing?"

"They wanted to know my gender. . .un. . ." Deidara mumbled, looking down. "Thank you for stopping them."

"Hoodlums!" the man cried. Deidara turned his gaze to him. He had the same haircut as Lee, and the same obsession with green. "I'm Lee's father, Gai. We were here training when we heard you screaming. I can't believe they would do such a thing!" Deidara nodded slowly, and then his face paled, and he ran over to a nearby trashcan, vomiting into it. Lee and Gai were instantly by his side.

"Are you all right? Oh my God, what if you have a concussion? We have to get you to a hospital, Deidara-san!" Lee cried. Deidara turned his, wide, scared eyes to Lee.

"The baby, un. . ." he whispered, hand flying to his stomach. Lee glanced down.

"What is it?" Gai asked. Deidara gulped, too worried to feel embarrassed or ashamed.

"Deidara-san is pregnant," Lee explained hurriedly. "Dad, we have to get him to a hospital!"

"Right. Come on." Gai swept Deidara up bridal style and started carrying him to the parking lot. Halfway there, Deidara fainted.

* * *

"My, my, my. You sure are high maintenance, Dei-chan." Deidara cracked his eye open and saw a certain pink haired girl standing beside him.

"What?" Deidara breathed, looking around. He was in Jiraiya's office, on the examining table. Shizune stood beside Sakura, not looking particularly worried. "What happened?"

"Some very nice people brought you here. We couldn't get the whole story out of them, but they did say you threw up and your head was hit. Don't worry, you don't have a concussion."

"What about the baby?" Deidara asked, sitting up.

"It's fine. Everything is hunky-dory." Sakura gave Deidara a brilliant smile. "That Rock Lee, he's pretty nice. He and his father are still waiting outside. Can I let them in?"

"Ok. . ." Sakura leapt up and opened the door. Shizune took this opportunity to hand Deidara a piece of paper.

"That's the date of your first ultra-sound," she explained. Deidara nodded and when he looked back up, Lee and Gai were standing in front of him. Lee's eyes looked like plates.

"Are you all right, Deidara-san?" he asked.

"Yeah, un. I'm fine, yeah."

"Do you know those boys' names?" Gai asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, un. Neji, Kiba, and Shino."

"I'm going to alert the school of this. It's outrageous that they would do such a thing!"

"Yeah," Deidara sighed, swinging his legs off of the examining table. "Thanks for taking me here, un."

"Don't worry about it, Deidara-san. We'll take you home, too." Lee said.

"It's ok-"

"I insist," Gai said, stepping in. Deidara sighed, knowing he couldn't win this battle.

"All right. Can we go, un?"

"Of course. Thank you," Gai and Lee bowed to Shizune and Sakura. And, with a very broken and dejected blond in toe, they left.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Review please!


	7. Chapter 7

Tobi was awaken from his daydream when a strange exchange began taking place beside him. "Come on, Neji, I'll pay you 4000 yen!" someone was begging. Neji sighed.

"Show me the money first," he said coldly. Tobi leaned back in his chair and saw Hyuuga Neji standing with someone Tobi didn't recognize. The person he didn't recognize held out the money and Neji took it, and held out a picture. The person snatched it and looked at it eagerly.

"Wow. . ." the person said, and began walking off. Tobi, curious and naïve, walked up to Neji.

"What pictures are you selling?" he asked. Neji blinked.

"Nothing," he replied. "Now go away."

"If you aren't going to tell me, I could always ask that guy who just left."

"I'm not going to be the one to tell you."

"Why?"

"Go away, Tobi."

"Fine." Tobi turned and walked to the other side of the room. He found the person who had just bought the picture sitting at a table with his friends.

"Wow, I never thought. . ." one was saying. They were obviously looking at the picture. Tobi slunk up to them.

"Can I see?" he asked casually. "I don't have enough money." The person eagerly allowed Tobi to join the circle and Tobi stared down at probably the worst thing he could've seen that day. A rage boiled in his chest, and he almost turned around and punched out Neji, but he stopped himself. He had to get more information before going berserk and getting himself into a fight he couldn't win. "What is that for?"

"Haven't you been curious about Deidara's gender?" a person beside him asked, not taking their eyes from the picture. "Well now we have proof. Kinda disgusting, isn't it?" Tobi wrinkled his nose and grabbed the picture. "Hey, what are you doing?!" the person cried, all of them turning around.

"You've had your fill," Tobi growled, running out of the library.

Tobi was terrified of Deidara's friends. He would love to spend more time with his boyfriend, but his friends were the kind who picked fights when they got bored and had friends out of school who were even tougher and meaner. But Tobi was more scared by the picture in his hands. So, taking a deep breath, Tobi made his way to where Deidara and his friends hung out. He found Hidan with the front of Itachi's shirt balled into his fist. "You want to say that again, Uchiha?" he screamed.

"No, I don't pander to your poor hearing," Itachi replied, swinging his knee into Hidan's stomach. Tobi watched, eyes wide with fear, and wondered if Deidara had even told them he was pregnant. Or even gay for that matter, this crowd looked too mean to accept him. Tobi cleared his throat, and eventually everyone looked over at him.

"What the fuck do you want, you piece of fucking shit?" Hidan growled.

"Hidan! I am goddamn tired of you taking out all your anger on other people every time you and Kakuzu have a fight! Shut your fucking gob for five minutes!" Kisame groaned. Hidan opened his mouth, and Itachi clubbed him over the head.

"He said shut it, smart ass," Itachi growled, pushing Hidan off of him and turning to Tobi. "Now who are you?" he demanded.

"My name's Tobi-"

"Deidara's not here today. Sorry, come back tomorrow," Hidan said.

"I-I know, but. . ." Tobi shoved the picture forward. Hidan snatched it and stared at it. Tobi hoped he wouldn't think it was funny. Hidan just stared. Itacih peered over his shoulder, and now even Pein was staring. Kisame and Konan both got up to take a look at it. Hidan cleared his throat.

"You didn't take this, did you?" he asked.

"N-no! I think it was Neji!" Tobi cried. Hidan glared down at the picture, and went to rip it when Itachi grabbed it, holding it close to his nose.

"Inuzuka Kiba. . ." he said slowly. "You can see his head behind Deidara. Should we assume it was just them, or go nuts and beat the shit out of everyone?"

"I'd say anyone who has a picture, and anyone who can't tell us who else was involved," Pein said. With a malicious grin Hidan ripped the picture in half.

"If you find any, we'll collect them and fucking burn them," he said evilly. Suddenly Kisame seemed to notice Tobi.

"Where'd you find Neji, Tobi?" he growled.

"The l-library," Tobi stuttered.

"Let's go!" Hidan cried, and they all shot off down the hall. Tobi took deep calming breaths.

* * *

Kakashi sighed. It had been one of those days where you wake up and tell yourself that you just don't want to have to deal with anything. And you half convince yourself that nothing is going to go wrong. But only half. The other half is smiling sadistically and saying "You fucking wish, bastard."

And yes, now Kakashi said with two very bruised teenage boys in his office, trying to find out what the hell had happened.

"So you say Pein, Hidan, Kisame, Itachi, and Konan all came up and randomly pummeled you?" Kakashi asked. Kiba nodded, and Neji said nothing. "And you're sure you did nothing to provoke them?"

"Yeah! We weren't doing anything, when they came up, surrounded us, and totally beat us up! No reason at all!" Kakashi sighed. This was really one of those days.

"So it was a completely unprovoked attack. Five against two. Is that what you're telling me?" Reluctantly, both of them nodded. "Right. You may go. Send in the other five," he called to the secretary.

"Ok boys, and girl, it's your turn," the secretary said without looking up. Pein stood up quietly, while Kisame had Hidan by the arm, not wanting him to do anything stupid. Itachi and Konan were completely silent. Itachi sported a split lip, and Hidan a black eye, but on the whole they were mostly unharmed. They all managed to find seats and somehow all fit in front of Kakashi's desk. Then again, he did have a rather large desk.

"Ok, care to tell me why you attacked Neji and Kiba?" he asked. Silently, Itachi slid forward a single photograph. Kakashi peered at it and felt sick. Sitting back, he cleared his throat. "What is this?" he asked, voice hoarse.

"Neji was selling them," Pein said.

"And Kiba helped him take them. Look, you can see his head." Hidan pointed to it in the picture. Kakashi nodded. It was sort of hard to confuse Kiba with someone else. And for once, Kakashi was at a loss for smart questions to ask.

"So you beat them up because they did this to your friend?" he asked, coughing.

"Yes." they all answered. And for once, Hidan's answer was somewhat civil.

"Why didn't you come straight to me so we could've handled it without violence?"

"It's not like any of you here care about us. And besides, I think we were pretty lenient." Kakashi raised an eyebrow. The Uchiha genius never failed to amaze him.

"Oh? No one cares?"

"You can't possibly admit you would care if we got expelled or not. I believe apathy is your forte, and if asked, any other student would admit the same."

"All right, all right. How was five against two lenient?" Kakashi asked. Itachi sighed, as if such a trifling question were the hardest ordeal ever.

"Can't you see? Neji's shoulder. . ." Itachi pointed to the picture. Kakashi, against his will, looked back at the disturbing picture. Sure enough, a shoulder was in the picture.

"So this proves Neji helped Kiba."

"Yes, and it proves someone else took the picture. That means it was three against one. So I'd say five against two was more than generous. If we wanted to be nasty, we would've caught them on their own." Kakashi sighed, rubbing his forehead. He never genuinely liked Deidara, or any of his gang, but this was overstepping the lines by a long shot.

"No matter what they did-"

"You know you don't mean that," Pein said, speaking for the first time. "You're as curious as we are as to who else took this picture. But you have to punish us, don't you? It's the rules, and you might get fired if you let us off." Pein rose, crossing his arms over his chest. "But let me tell you, if I could go back to the beginning of this day, I would only change two things: One, I would've made sure Deidara was all right. And second, I would've still beat up Kiba and Neji, but only sooner, before the pictures got out. And I'm sure the four others involved on the right side of things would be willing to go through numerous tortures for the sake of a person who would not have gotten the proper justice they deserved." Silence followed Pein's little speech. Then, slowly, Konan stood beside him, then Hidan, Itachi, and Kisame all followed suite. No one said a word, all of them looking fierily at Kakashi. And Kakashi was speechless. He had never even imagined something this mature and proud from a gang of hoodlums. Had he ever stopped to wonder what actually went through their heads? Of course he had. And what had he come up with? When their next fight would be? How they could piss him off more? But that wasn't what they really thought about. These were young people with such a passion and a mind for what they thought was right, that they would do what they thought was right, and anything in their way be damned.

"See me in my office after school," he grumbled. "You may go." And silently, all of them left, single file, behaving the best they had in their entire lives.

* * *

"S-so, what happened?" Tobi managed to stutter. To his horror the only one that turned around was Hidan.

"We're staying after school. Pein gave a kick-ass little speech, and we got off pretty easy."

"I'm staying too," Tobi blurted.

"What?"

"If I hadn't told you about the picture then you wouldn't have gone up and done that. And-" Tobi sighed. "I feel as responsible as you guys do."

* * *

"Hello?" Deidara groggily answered his phone. He had begun to get cramps again, and was rubbing his stomach when he dropped his phone in shock. Sighing, he rolled over and picked up his phone. "Sorry, I dropped my phone. Is this Lee?"

"Yes, Deidara-san."

"Thought so, un."

"Deidara-san, I'm so sorry! We should've chased those boys down and gotten the camera from them!" Deidara felt a rock drop in his stomach.

"What?"

"They spread the pictures all around school. I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you."

"I- I'm going to puke-" Deidara dropped his phone and shot into the bathroom, only just making it as the putrid bile flew from his mouth. After that he dry wretched a few times then washed out his mouth and made his way back to his room. He picked up his cell phone, hands shaking. "Sorry, I got sick."

"I'm so sorry, Deidara-san. I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you, but I was too worried not to call."

"Um, this might seem rude of me, but. . .what about my friends? They didn't see the photos, did they?"

"Oh, I only heard a rumor. . ."

"Come on, tell me please, un?"

"Mind you it's probably not the truth, but I heard they beat up Kiba and Neji. All five of them." Deidara grinned at Lee's words.

"Thought they might do that. Probably the watered-down truth, hmm. What-" Deidara cleared his throat. "What about Tobi, un?"

"Tobi stayed voluntarily after school, I think. Tobi's a nice person." Lee replied. Deidara stayed silent for a long moment.

"Yeah, un. I guess he is."

"We're in the same English and writing class, right? Do you want the homework? I can bring it over, if you want."

"Um. . .no. I'll get it tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll so you tomorrow, un?"

"I guess. Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine, un. Thanks for checking in!"

"All right then, bye-bye."

"Bye." Deidara closed his phone and sighed. He was seriously torn between crying and leaping for joy. For the first part, he was going to have to face a major scandal and fifteen times the stares. But on the other hand, a nearly complete stranger had taken the time to worry about him. What an elevating first.

* * *

A/N: Short chapter, I know, but it was either sort of short or amazingly long, so I decided not to include the next scene with Kakashi and the gang minus Deidara and plus Tobi. I'm also going to have to do more with Itachi, maybe get that ten foor pole out of his ass. . . or let Kisame do that. . .IDEA! Review please, or else you get no more!


	8. Chapter 8

"Uzumaki? What are you doing here?" Kakashi asked.

"I showed them the picture, sir. I think I'm responsible as well," Tobi answered, bowing his head.

"So you're punishing yourself?"

"I feel responsible, Hatake-sensei."

"That's his name?" Hidan asked. Everyone just called the principal Kakashi-sensei.

"So now I have to deal with six hoodlums after school?" Kakashi groaned.

"And where are Neji and Kiba?" Pein asked.

"Wherever they go after school."

"To beat up on defenseless pregnant people?" Kakashi coughed, Pein's words making him uncomfortable.

"I've called you all here because you seem to have your own set of morals, morals that told you it was all right to beat up two other students."

"They have even stranger morals than us, sir," Itachi said. "If our morals allow us to do justice to two people who committed a disgusting and completely vile act against another defenseless human being, then I would say our morals are restrained." Kakashi sighed.

"Fine. Bu the conversation we are about to have is not going on the records. You are not allowed to tell anyone about this, do you hear me? I might loose my job. But I'm doing it for you guys, so be grateful." All of them were silent after this. "So are you going to tell anyone what happens here?" Slowly, all of them shook their heads. "Good. You seem to have your own set of morals, but they aren't as far off as I originally thought. What do you think would be a fitting punishment, as long as it is within my means and reasons?" Pein blinked, and all of the gang exchanged looks. Tobi, on the other hand, piped up.

"Expulsion?" he tried. All eyes were on him.

"Expulsion?" Kakashi asked. Tobi coughed.

"Yes, Hatake-sensei. Expulsion." Kakashi looked to Pein. Pein kept his mouth shut.

"It seems fitting. . ." Itachi mused. "They can't be trusted to be in a social environment. When put in a situation involving communication they fail exquisitely. So close to sending in college applications, and they decide another student's gender matters more. And if causing a scandal is their priority, perhaps they should be part of one." Itachi didn't look at all smug with himself. As a matter of fact, no one looked smug or overjoyed they had got one over on ol' Principal Kakashi. They seemed genuinely angry that this had happened, and would stop at nothing to see Neji and Kiba were brought to justice.

"And what punishment would be fitting for you five?"

"Detention." All eyes turned to Konan. "Two detentions each, one for Neji, one for Kiba."

"Seems reasonable. . ." Itachi mused. "Did any one of us do any worse than the others? No. I suppose not. . ."

"You beat someone up and they get expelled, and all you five get are two detentions." Kakashi smiled. "I really would love to, but I could get decapitated for it. I'd really love to do that, but to some, getting what you gave them is fair enough."

"I don't want this picture spread around anymore," Hidan said suddenly. All eyes turned to him, and he gave a meaningful glance at Itachi before looking back at Kakashi. "I know it's not about what I want, but we have to get all these pictures before they get anywhere else."

"I'll see what I can do, but I'm afraid the damage has been done," Kakashi replied. "And I'm going to get my ass fired for you kids."

* * *

"What sort of trouble?" Kakuzu asked, leaning on the secretary's desk.

"I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure he was part of a fight."

"What? He always does-" Kakuzu stopped and coughed. "I mean, what sort of fight?"

"It seems like five people decided to beat up two others." Five, let's see. . .that would mean one of the gang was missing. It couldn't be five of the gang against one, could it? No, that would never happen. So who did the majority of the gang decide to beat up, and why make it that unfair? Suddenly the door to the principal's office burst open and Pein walked out, followed by Konon, Kisame, Itachi, and finally Hidan. So where was Deidara? Well it obviously wasn't him who beat someone up. That would be just dumb. Everyone stopped when they saw Kakuzu, and then they were all gathered around him.

"Kakuzu, before you draw any conclusions-"

"Gang fight, you five against two. What'd they do?" Kakuzu asked, walking out of the office. The gang followed him. And then Kakuzu realized someone tagging along. "Who's he?" he asked, jabbing his thumb at Tobi. Tobi, too

"He's Deidara's new boyfriend."

"And you beat him up?"

"No, actually. It's a really horrible, ugly, involved, long story. . ." Kisame replied, rubbing the back of his head. Kakuzu sighed, finding a bench to sit down. The gang plus Tobi crowded around him.

"So tell me this story." Kakuzu had a horrible feeling it involved Deidara.

"Well, you see, these fucking bastards took pictures of Deidara and spread them around the school," Hidan said, anger flaring in his voice before dying down again to something hard to place.

"'Pictures? What pictures?" Kakuzu asked. Hidan coughed.

"You don't want to see. But. . .it did sort of prove a few things about his gender. . ."

"You're kidding. They fucking didn't!" Kakuzu cried, clenching his hands into fists. Hidan coughed and looked away. "So what did you guys do?"

"Tobi showed us a picture, so that's where he comes in," Pein said. "We were able to see two of them in the picture. We don't know who else was involved, but we'll be sure to find out soon. So we all went and beat up the two of them.

"Seems a bit unfair, don't you think?" Kakuzu growled.

"We talked to Kakashi-sensei, and they might get expelled. We, on the other hand, have to detentions each." Itachi said. There was something in his voice that, like Hidan's, was hard to explain. It wasn't sad, but close. Kakuzu stayed silent for a long moment, trying to get over his anger and think clearly.

"What if they pursue this legally?" he asked. "What if they get their parents involved?"

"We were sort of in the right. . ." Hidan said, trailing off. Kakuzu sighed.

"If they pursue this legally, who knows where it could go? How many of you are eighteen?" he looked around. Pein and Kisame raised their hands. "You two could go to jail if they play their cards right. And Tobi-" he turned to Tobi, who could've just about died. "Tobi, you'll get dragged into this because you showed them the picture. Are you convincing?" Tobi stuttered for a moment, gulped like a fish, then closed his mouth. "You guys just might be screwed. Was Tobi the one who saw whoever it was selling the pictures?" All nodded, Tobi's a little more stiff than the others'. "If he says he saw him doing it, and whoever it was says he wasn't doing it, who are they going to believe?"

"Tobi." All looked to Konan. Tobi was the most surprised out of all of them. "Hyuuga Neji doesn't have a great record, though it's far better than any of ours. Especially Deidara's. But Tobi's is the best out of nearly everyone involved. If he says he started it all because he saw Hyuuga Neji selling the pictures, then that's what happened."

"How do you know so much about Tobi?" Kisame demanded.

"I found it out. I was looking out for Deidara; I didn't want him rebounding off Sasori for some shmuck." All were silent. Kakuzu sighed.

"Who's going to call Deidara?" he asked finally. "We can't all call him at once. Though I know all of you want to." Everyone started volunteering at once, but one voice cut through the rest.

"I will." Everyone looked to Tobi.

"You?"

"Yeah, um. . .could I?" Everyone exchanged a few glances.

"All right." Pein said. "As long as you call me right after him and tell me everything."

"Um. . ."

"Give me your phone." Tobi tentatively pulled out his phone and handed it over to Pein. Pein quickly flipped it open and set his number into a new contact. "I'll keep my phone on."

"Right, I'll call him when I get home."

"How are you getting home?" Kakuzu asked, the mother in him showing herself.

"I usually drive my brother and me home, but he's going over to his boyfriend's house," Tobi said. Itachi's head shot up and he whirled around to face Tobi.

"Your brother, Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Uh. . .yeah?" Tobi said. Itachi sighed.

"Your little brother is dating mine," he said.

"Oh. . ."

"I sure hope they're not expecting a ride from me. . ."

"Um, actually. . ."

"I'm leaving. Sasuke's probably going mad trying to find me." Itachi whirled and left, off to find his brother. All were silent.

"You do know that he's just worried about lewd conduct in the bathrooms, right?" Hidan said.

"What?"

"Sasuke probably heard he was at the principal's office and thought he could get some alone time in with Naruto."

"Oh. . ."

"Just out of curiosity, but, has Deidara made you faint yet?" Pein asked.

"What?"

"You look like you're about to keel over with us ignoring you. The sadist in me would like to see Deidara actually paying attention to you."

"I'm not this way around him. . ." Tobi trailed off, blushing.

"Do I want to know?" Pein asked.

"Um. . .nothing like that!" Tobi cried, realizing what Pein was hinting at. Pein snickered.

"I'll bet Deidara has lots of fun messing with your mind. Well, I got to go, I probably missed the bus. . ." Pein sighed dramatically. Kakuzu growled.

"Fine. You get a ride. And you, Kisame?" Kakuzu stood and turned to Kisame. Kisame grinned.

"As long as you're offering. . ." he stood as well. Kakuzu glanced down at Hidan.

"Well?" he asked impatiently. Hidan jumped, looking around. "Quit spacing. Let's go." Hidan stood up and followed Kakuzu and Kisame to Kakuzu's car.

* * *

Kakuzu sighed. "Something's wrong. Tell me?" Hidan turned away moodily.

"I'm fine."

"Hidan, please. I'm ready to listen."

"It's just. . .when did they do that to Deidara? Was it when Itachi and I were still at school? God, I could've done something!" Hidan sighed, slumping against the door. "I'm feeling so guilty. I couldn't help him, when he was in trouble."

"So that's it. Hidan, if you could've done something, you would've. But you had no way of knowing what was going on."

"But. . .I still feel bad."

"I know. You should probably call Deidara at some point." They sat in silence for a while. Finally, after a long moment, Hidan spoke.

"Kakuzu. . .?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to break up with me?" Hidan asked softly. Kakuzu sighed.

"Hidan, can we not talk about this now?"

"Kakuzu, can I just get a straight answer?"

"It's not that simple."

"But you have to want to do something! Tell me, just straight from yourself, what you want!" Hidan growled. Kakuzu sighed again.

"Hidan, if I had my way in a perfect world, there would be no drugs to get addicted to, no shitty bills to pay for other people, and. . .there'd be a chance for us."

* * *

"Deidara?"

"Who else, dumb ass?" Deidara shot. "And yes, I already talked to Lee-san, and no, I didn't skip school because of it, yeah." Deidara practically heard Tobi's confusion on the other end.

"Are you all right?" Tobi finally asked.

"Morning sickness didn't go away this morning. I've been puking my guts out all day and haven't been able to hold anything down. And I'm about as pissed as one person can get, un. I want the dirt, yeah. How much trouble are they in, hmm?"

"I was in the library and I saw Neji selling. . .pictures. I managed to get one and I took it to your friends. They went and beat up Kiba and Neji." Deidara laughed hoarsely.

"Knew it. You didn't, did you?"

"Um. . .no. But I felt guilty, so I stayed after school with them." There was a long silence on both ends. "Deidara?" Tobi finally asked.

"Yeah?"

"What happened? How did they get those pictures?"

"It was after school and I was taking a walk, and Kiba, Neji, and Shino all jumped me. They- they hit me with baseball bats, and took my pants off and took pictures, un. I screamed, and- and- Lee and his dad showed up. They took me to the hospital, and everything is ok, un." Deidara's voice cracked on the last few words. "I'm- I'm gonna puke-" Deidara dropped his phone and darted to the bathroom. Once he ws done he went back and picked up the phone. "S-sorry, I vomited."

"Oh, Deidara, I'm so, so sorry."

"What's going to happen to them, un?"

"They might get expelled, I think."

"Cool." Deidara lay back, feeling sick again. "I'm going to try to get some rest, un."

"All your friends say hi."

"What?"

"They say hi. I was the designated caller."

"Well tell them whatever the hell they did to Neji and Kiba wasn't enough."

"I'll do that."

"Bye."

"Bye."

* * *

"Hello?" Kisame answered the phone.

"Kisame."

"Itachi?"

"Who else?"

"Um. . .you could be Pein, you know, calling about all that stuff with Deidara. . ."

"I am. Deidara was sick today, and would've come to school if he wasn't. But yesterday when he was taking a walk at school, Kiba, Neji, and Shino, all jumped him. They hit him a couple of times with baseball bats, and took pictures. But then Lee and his father scared them off. Lee and his father took Deidara to the hospital, and everything seems fine."

"Jesus Christ! You're not making this up?"

"No, I'm not. You can tell Konan, right?"

"Duh, she's looking at me right now. One sec-" Kisame put his hand over the phone. "Konan, once I'm off the phone, you are going to hear quite an interesting story. But for now, go away, please?" Konan bowed her head slightly, and walked off. Kisame thought he saw the hint of a smirk on her face, but shook it off. She never smirked. "Anyway, is there anything else?"

". . . . . . .yes. . . . . . ."

"What?"

"Are you somewhere private?"

"I'm at my house, Itachi. My parents are God knows where."

"Good. Can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure."

". . . . . .I'm feeling guilty. . . . ."

"About what?" Kisame sat down at the dining room table.

"I was there. . . . .when Deidara was. . . .yesterday. . . . . . ."

"You were?"

"Yes. Sasuke had plans, and I was waiting with Hidan and Deidara outside the school. Kismae. . . . . .I could've prevented this. . . . . . ."

"No, you couldn't have, Itachi. If you could have, you would have. There's no doubt about that."

"Deidara must hate me."

"Deidara doesn't hate you, Itachi. And if he did, he would be being unreasonable and too demanding. Does that sound like Deidara?"

". . .no. . ."

"Exactly. So Deidara doesn't hate you."

"If you say so. . ."

"I insist. Don't worry at all, all right? Just focus on getting your calculus homework done."

"What? How did you know I didn't do it?"

"How often is it you're worried enough to talk to me about it? Jeez, with all of this, I'd be surprised if you ever did it."

". . .you know me too well."

"Well duh, Itachi! We've known each other since junior high!"

". . .right. . ."

"Do you feel better?"

"Somewhat. . ."

"Anything else you want to talk to me about?"

"Maybe tomorrow."

"All right then. Keep your brother in line, then."

"All right. Bye?"

"Bye."

* * *

A/N: Ok, this chapter is long enough! Review please! My GOD, I NEVER thought food could taste so good. But after a day of fasting. I never thought anyone in my house could cook, but yummy!


	9. Chapter 9

Kakashi was wondering if 'those days' were beginning to be every day. He'd have to find some way to keep from having to conference with Kiba, Neji, and Shino's parents. Deidara had come in yesterday and told him exactly what happened. Kakashi, today, had written up the expulsion forms, and once they went home he'd be stuck in the middle of conferences, angry calls from his supervisors, and conferences with many, many people. There had to be a way to make it incontrovertible. Somehow, Kakashi was going to have to get their parents so angry at the children that they didn't care if they were beat up, they'd just be so, so, so angry that they'd ground their children without a second thought, not even listening to whatever protests the boys might come up with. Hmm. . .well, Deidara was a pregnant orphan whom their sons ganged up on and took revealing pictures of against his will. It couldn't be that hard. Trying to find inspiration, Kakashi began to write.

_"Dear Inuzuka-san, your son Inuzuka Kiba has been expelled for mentally, emotionally, and physically scarring a fellow student with the help of two other students. This incident occurred after school three days ago, and they cornered said student and, using baseball bats, beat him down and divested his lower half of clothing. They then proceeded to take revealing pictures, one of which is enclosed with this letter. They were only stopped when another student and his father investigated after hearing the victim of your son's actions scream for help. Unfortunately your son and the two other students who helped him, were not caught. Furthermore, the day after this incident your son and one of the students who helped him began selling the revealing pictures they took around school. _

_"In case you couldn't tell, this is sexual harassment at it's fullest. When questioned, your son claimed not to have participated, but as you can see, he is clearly in the picture. This is an outrage, and I am shamed to be the principal of the school that your son attended and also of the school where this took place. I would normally request multiple conferences with the parents of all involved, but as it stands the student whom your son attacked does not have any parents, and would be unable to attend the meetings because of certain medical needs. I hope this letter explains more in depth why your son has been expelled,_

_Sincerely,_

_Hakate Kakashi, principal."_

Kakashi grinned. If he didn't know any better, it would seem that Kiba, Shino, and Neji had all beat up a crippled orphan. That would go down real well. Quickly, Kakashi started on another letter, this one addressed to the Hyuugas.

* * *

Itachi glanced in the rearview mirror for the hundredth time. Naruto was snuggled up against Sasuke, who had his arm around the smaller blond. Sasuke noticed his brother looking at him, and the little shit smirked. 'FUCK ME IN THE BACKSEAT, FUCK ME IN THE-' Itachi jumped and switched off the radio. Just what he needed, his little brother getting ideas. When he glanced back for the hundredth and first time, Sasuke was grinning. Naruto was oblivious.

"Why'd you turn the radio off, ne, Itachi-san?" Naruto asked. Itachi was still having a glaring battle with Sasuke in the rearview mirror.

"I've got a headache," he growled. Itachi's glare was saying 'Don't even think about it!' and Sasuke was replying with his own that said 'Oh yeah? Wanna bet?'.

"Hey, Itachi-san?" Naruto asked. Itachi decided that a glaring contest between him and his little brother was completely immature, and not because he had lost, and turned his eyes back to the road.

"Yes?"

"Can you give me a ride home once it's time for me to go home?"

"What's your brother doing?"

"He's going somewhere with Deidara."

"You're free to stay as long as you want. I'll take you home whenever you want to go home."

"Thanks, Itachi-san!" Naruto squealed, smiling brilliantly. Itachi sighed good-naturedly. Naruto was a cutie, Sasuke better not get rid of him too soon.

* * *

"You know, at first, I thought you were just as emotionless as Itachi," Naruto admitted. Sasuke blinked.

"What? Itachi isn't emotionless!"

"Really? I didn't think so."

"Well you're not his brother. Besides, I know who he likes." Sasuke smirked as Naruto became instantly captivated.

"Who?" he breathed. Sasuke smirked.

"What do you say?"

"Please?" Naruto begged. Sasuke knew his blond boyfriend was a sucker for gossip.

"He likes Kisame-san," Sasuke said smugly. Naruto's eyes bulged from his head. Sasuke chuckled, Naruto was just so cute.

"But why?" Naruto blubbered. "I mean, Kisame is so. . ."

"Kisame has morals. He doesn't just go for money."

"Did Itachi tell you that?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"So Itachi isn't in to looks, I take it. . ."

"Naruto. . .watch your mouth."

"Oops, sorry." Naruto blushed. Sasuke smirked and leaned forward, kissing Naruto the way he had been dying to all day.

* * *

Kisame sank down onto his bed, thoroughly tired. Konan looked over at him. "Long day?" she asked.

"Yeah. My boss decided it would be wonderful sport to make me run around like a maniac. How about you?" Konan shrugged.

"Nothing major. Some guys threw eggs at me, and I keyed their car."

"Ah. Did you get a good look at their faces?"

"Nope. I really need a better job than construction, but it pays so well. . ." Konan sighed. "I'll find something. I wonder what Deidara's going to do about work. . ."

"Right. Do you really request maternity leave from fast food restaurants?"

"Deidara's a waiter. He found a better job at some restaurant."

"Oh yeah. . . Speaking of Deidara, wait till you hear what Itachi told me!"

"Tell."

"Right, so Deidara was walking around after school, and Kiba, Neji, and Shino of all people jumped him! Can you believe that? And they beat him up and took those pictures, when Lee- oh, you know Lee, right?" Konan quirked a blue eyebrow. "Right, dumb question. Well, Lee and his dad turn up and whisk Deidara off to the hospital! Jesus, how weirder can this get? Anyway, everything's fine with the baby, and he seems in ok condition."

"Why didn't he come to school today?"

"He was sick. I'm not kidding, he would've come to school if he had felt better."

"Wow. Deidara's pretty brave."

"Yeah. . ." The twins sat in silence for a long moment, each in their own thoughts.

"We should probably go to sleep," Konan said softly. She stood and grabbed her pajamas, quickly changing and slipping under the covers of her bed. Kisame got up slowly, and stripped down to his boxers before climbing back in bed. He had been thinking about Itachi, as usual, and how guilty Itachi had felt. This was sort of a revelation for the Uchiha prodigy, admitting his feelings to himself was hard enough, but admitting it to Mr. Blue? That took some guts. Kakuzu sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "If you want, you can tell me what else you and Itachi talked about in the morning."

"I'll do that," Kisame muttered. Konan mumbled something, and Kisame knew she had fallen asleep. He envied her, for he knew the ceiling would probably hold his attention until morning.

* * *

Kakuzu's phone rang while he was driving. "Will you get that, Hidan?" he asked politely. Hidan said nothing, taking out Kakuzu's phone and answering it. "Hello?"

"God?"

"Um. . .who's asking?"

"Where is Kakuzu? You're Kakuzu? I see dead people. . ." Hidan sighed.

"It's your mom."

"Shit. Is she. . .?"

"Yup."

"GOD?!" the woman on the other end screamed. Kakuzu sighed.

"I'll take you home-"

"Your house is closer. I don't mind a detour," Hidan said. Kakuzu sighed. He really should take Hidan home, but. . .

"Fine. Just stay in the car, all right?"

"Ok." Kakuzu took a right, and after a minute or two they were outside a house that looked like a hurricane had been through it. Hidan glanced at Kakuzu. By his lack of reaction, the Satanist decided that this was normal. Kakuzu got out of the car in silence, and walked into the house.

Hidan actually managed to sit still for a few minutes, but when a shrill cry pierced his ears. Surprised, Hidan got out of the car and ran up the crumbling steps and into the house. He found himself in somewhat of a living room, a sunken, dirty old couch to his left, a dining room to his right. Kakuzu was in the middle of the room. He has his mother's arm around his shoulders and was hoisting her up, and she was muttering incoherent words. She was a pudgy woman, who's skin was the color and feel of wax. Kakuzu picked her up easily, placing her on the couch. He then turned to Hidan. "I thought I told you to stay in the car, Hidan," he said slowly, voice low. Hidan just stared.

"What-"

"She's completely stoned. I don't know how she managed to dial the phone, even." Kakuzu bent down and picked up the handset. His mother reached for it, like a baby might ask for something it couldn't have.

"The crucifix!" she cried. Kakuzu sighed and left here there, putting the handset back.

"I didn't want you to see this," Kakuzu murmured.

"What?" Hidan stepped closer to Kakuzu, who's back was to him. Slowly, Hidan wrapped his arms around Kakuzu's waist, pressing his cheek to the middle of Kakuzu's back. "I don't care," Hida mumbled. They stayed like that a moment, and finally Kakuzu pulled gently away from Hidan.

"I'm taking you home," he said softly, turning to leave. Suddenly, his mother cried out.

"Kakuzu!" Kakuzu, shocked, turned. She wasn't looking at him. Instead, her hand was reaching out for Hidan. Hidan stood transfixed upon the spot, staring at the completely mad woman on the couch. "Kakuzu, darling, come to Mama!" Hidan glanced at Kakuzu.

"Let's go, Hidan," Kakuzu sighed, turning his back on his mother and slipping quietly out of the house. Hidan glanced back at the woman on the couch, then quickly followed Kakuzu out of the house. Silently, Hidan wondered how far he would follow Kakuzu.

* * *

A/N: Ok, I apologize for the slip-up you ALL must've noticed, but were all too polite to say anything. Kisame and Konan are twins. Kakuzu: Who's eighteen? Kisame&Pein: raise hands. Anyone catch that? And, of course, I screwed up the birthdays AGAIN, and yes, I now know Kisame's brithday, and Deidara's brithday, and they aren't what I said they were. So feel free to call me on the shit I make you all read. Reviews please!


	10. Chapter 10

"See, you just look through the magazine and find parents. It's as easy as ordering an exotic pet, un," Deidara explained, shifting through the pages.

"Really?"

"Yup." Deidara was glad Tobi didn't ask how he knew. Something he'd never tell Tobi was how he used to buy these magazines and think up stories about the parents in them being his. Of course, that phase hadn't lasted long, but he still remembered it.

"We'll have to pick out a good couple," Tobi said, leaning over and looking at the pages of advertisements. "Here, how about that one?"

"They're religious freaks, un! Look, there's a sodding cross in the background! Jeez, the least they could do was not be so blatant about it. Here, this looks like a nice couple. How about we give them a call, un?"

"Hmm, all right. Circle them." Deidara uncapped his pen and circled their ad.

* * *

Deidara had grown up knowing not to undervalue parents, and that they didn't grow on trees, but this was getting ridiculous. He had been hung up on six times already! Deidara sighed, closing his phone fir the sixth time. "Well?"

"They heard I was a guy and hung up, un. Again," Deidara sighed, sipping his tea.

"Oh well. That just means they wouldn't be good parents. Do we have anyone else on our list?"

"Um. . .one more. I'll give them a call, hmm?"

"Sure." Deidara quickly dialed the number and waited for them to pick up. Finally a woman's voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Um, hey, my name is Deidara and I'm calling about your ad?"

"Ad? What ad?"

"The adoption ad?"

"Oh, of course!"

"Um. . .yeah, see, I'm pregnant, and I have to go through with the pregnancy because of medical reasons. I was wondering if you might be interested in, you know. . ."

"Taking the baby? Of course!" Deidara grinned.

"Cool! When should we meet and talk about this, un?"

"How about next weekend? Here, I'll write down your name. What did you say it was?"

"Deidara, un."

"Deidara. . .is there a family name that goes along with that?"

'Um, no."

"I see. Well, I'll call up my lawyer. Is next Saturday at 12 good?"

"Uh, sure. Where do you live, un?" Deidara whipped out his pen and copied down the address. "Great, un!"

"Right. Um, how old are you?"

"Seventeen, un."

"I see. Well, I guess I'll see you on Saturday, sweetie."

"Cool! Bye!" Deidara hung up, grinning. "She sounds really cool! I bet this'll work out perfectly!"

* * *

"Don't be nervous," Tobi said.

"Un," Deidara muttered. He was mentally going through all the parents he had met. There were Itachi's, who would just hand their son a hundred dollar bill instead of having a real conversation. Konan and Kisame's, who were always tired from working long hours for little pay. Hidan's, hypocrites with double standards and stubborn opinions. Kakuzu's, who didn't recognize either of their sons and were too high most of the time to even get off the couch. Pein's, who were enigmatic and made sparse appearances, but somehow came up with money. The group often wondered how, but whenever one of them wondered aloud, Kakuzu and Pein would exchange a glance before Pein would shrug and wonder as well. It was pretty obvious that Pein's parents pedaled to people like Kakuzu's family. What would this couple be like? Hopefully they wouldn't be anything like the parents Deidara knew. The best he could possibly hope for was a couple maybe like Tobi's parents. Tobi seemed happy enough, but maybe it was the same optimism Kisame showed when he had ended up working till dawn and not getting a wink of sleep because he spent too much time studying. The blue haired teen would wave it off, saying the least that could come out of this day would be a good grade. And if not a good grade, then he would've gotten a good night's sleep.

Deidara shook his head. He had been spacing recently. It was probably all part the hormones and lack of sleep. "Are you nervous?"

"Uh. . .no. . .?"

"I'm sure everything will be fine. What's on your mind?"

"Um. . .just wondering about them. . .how can I tell if they'd be good parents?"

"I think you'll be able to tell."

"But, like, I'm sure a lot of people seem nice, but what if they aren't?"

"What?"

". . .never mind. I guess I'll never know what kind of people they are until I meet them, un."

"Yeah. Don't worry, though! Everything's going to be fine."

"I sure hope so."

Deidara rang the bell and stood back, waiting for someone to answer the door. A young, thin woman opened the door, took once look at Deidara, and looked about ready to faint. "You wouldn't happen to be having car trouble, would you?" she asked. Deidara sighed.

"No, un. I'm Deidara, yeah," Deidara replied.

"Oh. . .oh my. . ." the woman sighed. "I'm sorry, I thought you were. . ."

"A girl? Yeah, um, pregnancy tends to occur in females, doesn't it?" Deidara snapped. "But what does it matter, yeah?"

"I'm just. . .I don't think this is what we're looking for. . ." the woman sighed.

"I knew it, un. This was just a waste of time and gas. Come on, Tobi, we're leaving!" Deidara turned, but the woman called out to him.

"Deidara, please, wait!" Deidara turned. The woman was looking hesitant, but resolved. "I- I'll pay, for the abortion. I'll pay for whatever you want. But- we were rather hoping for a conventional child." Deidara glared venomously.

"I don't want your fucking money, yeah. I'd rather starve than accept some pity money." Deidara crossed his arms over his chest. "Like you can write a little check and get the freak out of your life, hmm?"

"It's not like that. . ." The woman looked at the ground shamefully.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Deidara rolled his eyes. "You know that's a lie. I'm leaving, un. Good luck getting knocked up," and with this said, Deidara turned and stormed off. Tobi turned to the woman as Deidara shut the car door behind himself.

"Um. . .will you give this to him?" The woman held out a 50 pound bill. Tobi blinked, and reached out, curling the woman's fingers back around the bill.

"He'd hate me if I accepted the money, ma'am. It's best if I just leave," Tobi bowed and turned, quickly getting into the car. "Deidara?" he asked softly, reaching out to touch Deidara's shoulder. Deidara sighed, slumping back in his seat.

"I'm sick of people trying to buy me off, yeah," he mumbled.

"I'm sick of it, too," Tobi replied. Deidara looked up, and Tobi saw this was the right thing to say.

* * *

"Deidara!" Ino called. Deidara groaned, putting down his book and glaring at her.

"What do you want, un?" he asked, irritably. Ino held out his cell phone.

"It was in the wash. You should be more careful. It's Tobi, though," Ino said. Deidara reached for the phone.

"Give!" he whined. Ino rolled her eyes.

"You look like a beached whale, you know?"

"I can't help that I'm getting fat! Hand over the phone!"

"You really are such a brat, you know that?" Ino sighed, handing over the phone.

"Hi, Tobi," Deidara said, smiling. Ino rolled her eyes and left, letting a small smile creep to her lips.

"Hey, Deidara, um. . ."

"Yeah?"

"I was just talking with my parents, and they really want to meet you."

"Oh?" Deidara asked.

"Um, yeah. You've been invited to have dinner at our house on Friday." Deidara blinked slowly, rolling over to glance at his calendar.

"This Friday?" he asked.

"Yeah. . ."

"All right. . ." Deidara said slowly. "When, un?"

"About five thirty. Oh, and, you're welcome to stay the night if you want. . ."

"Sure, un. Sounds nice," Deidara said, rolling on to his back.

"Oh, I've got to go to my job now. So I'll see you tomorrow at school?"

"Bye, have fun at work, un."

"Bye." Deidara hung up his phone, setting it on his nightstand. Surprisingly, he found a nervous knot in his stomach. Was he that worried over meeting Tobi's parents? Sighing, he got up. He really wanted some pickles.

* * *

A/N: REVIEW!! (and thank you for reading!)


	11. Chapter 11

"Naruto! I thought I told you to wash up!" Mrs. Uzumaki cried.

"What? No you didn't!" Naruto replied.

"Well go wash up! We have company tonight!" Mrs. Uzumaki stuck her head out of the kitchen. Tobi walked into the kitchen.

"What're you cooking, Mom?" he asked, looking over her shoulder.

"Oh, just some potatoes and chicken. Oh, stop peering over my shoulder!" Mrs. Uzumaki turned around as Tobi backed up, smiling.

"Just wondering."

"Have you washed up?"

"Um. . ."

"Get going!" Mrs. Uzumaki pushed him jokingly out of the kitchen. Tobi walked into the bathroom and waited for Naruto to stop washing his hands.

"Ne, Aniki?"

"What?"

"Deidara-san's coming for dinner, right?"

"Yup," Tobi grinned. Naruto finished washing up and stepped back. Tobi stepped forward and washed his own hands.

"And he's going to spend the night?"

"Yup. Don't scare him, though. He's shy."

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah. But he'll get used to you." Tobi turned off the water and toweled off his hands, and turned to face Naruto. "Just don't scare him, kay?"

"Sure!" Naruto grinned, bouncing out of the bathroom and into the living room. Mr. Uzumaki set down his paper and puffed contentedly on his pipe, smiling at his youngest son. Tobi followed his little brother, sitting down on the couch next to him.

"Tobi! It's 5:40! When did you tell him to get here?" Mrs. Uzumaki called from the kitchen.

"Uh, 5:30!" Tobi called back.

"Where do you think he is? Should we give him a call?" As Tobi was about to reply, there was a knock on the door. Leaping up, Tobi ran to the front door and opened it. Deidara stood awkwardly on the front step.

"Am I late, un?" he asked.

"No, well, it doesn't matter," Tobi said, stepping back and allowing Deidara to step in and slip off his shoes.

"I sort of got lost on the way from the bus stop, yeah," Deidara said. Naruto got up off the couch and hopped over to Deidara, conquering the elder's personal space and grinning up at him.

"Hi! I'm Naturo!" he said happily. Deidara blinked, slightly taken aback.

"Uh. . .Deidara. . .un," he said slowly, still blinking down at Naruto. Tobi sighed.

"Naruto, personal space," he reminded. Naruto stepped back, giving Deidara room to slide off his jacket and drop it by his shoes. By now Mrs. Uzumaki had wandered out of the kitchen and Mr. Uzumaki had set aside his pipe to greet their guest.

"Why hello, Deidara-san," Mrs. Uzumaki said, smiling at him. Deidara glanced at Tobi nervously, before bowing respectfully.

"Hello, Uzumaki-san," he said softly. Mrs. Uzumaki giggled.

"My, what a polite young man," she said. Tobi almost laughed at the thought. Deidara was just nervous, not polite.

"Deidara, this is my mother, my father, and of course, my little brother," Tobi said, gesturing to each one in turn. Deidara gave a small nod and a shaky smile to each.

"Well, let's not just stand around. Let's go sit down. Did you walk all the way here?" Mrs. Uzumaki gently took Deidara's arm and directed him to the table.

"Yeah, un. From the nearest bus stop."

"That's quite a ways. Here, you can sit here, and Tobi can sit there," she said, sitting Deidara at the far side of the table, facing the kitchen. Tobi was sat next to him, Mr. Uzumaki on the end to the right, and Naruto on the left end. She then bustled into the kitchen, bringing out a bowl of potatoes and a plate of boiled chicken. And at last, she sat across from Deidara, smiling kindly. "Here, pass me your plate and I'll give you some potatoes," she said, reaching her hand out for the plate. Deidara handed over his plate.

"So, Deidara, Tobi hasn't told us much about you," Mr. Uzumaki said, speaking for the first time. Deidara blinked, wondering how to respond. "So, tell us a little bit about yourself," Mr. Uzumaki continued. 'I'm a gay hermaphrodite orphan who's pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's kid. Yeah, that'll go over real well.'

"Uh, well. . .I like art, yeah. . ." Deidara said slowly, glancing at Tobi as if for permission.

"Sasuke says you're a pyromaniac," Naruto piped up.

"Naruto!" Mrs. Uzumaki chided.

"Sorry!" Mrs. Uzumaki turned her attention from Naruto to Deidara.

"I'm sorry, Naruto has a tendency to say whatever comes to mind," she apologized.

"Uh, not a problem, un. Sasuke doesn't lie all that often, hmm."

"So you really set things on fire?" Naruto asked excitedly.

"Uh. . .it's more like blowing things up, un. It's supposed to represent the fleetingness of life, un," Deidara explained.

"How artistic," Mrs. Uzumaki said.

"As long as this is all safe, that is," Mr. Uzumaki said.

"Uh. . .sure?" Deidara coughed, glancing at Tobi. There was an awkward silence following Deidara's little affirmation.

"So, Deidara, where do you live?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked. Deidara shot Tobi a look that said 'You didn't even tell them that?'. Tobi shrugged, looking away shamefully. But now Deidara was faced with the problem of lying or not. It would make it either easier or much, much harder.

"Uh, 147 Height Street, un," he replied.

"Oh, that home for orphans?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked. There went that plan.

"Uh, yeah."

"Do you need a ride home in the morning?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked. "I was wondering about that, but since you didn't say anything I assumed you have a plan. I'm not sure the buses run early in the morning, but I wasn't sure when you were planning on leaving. . ."

"I'll find something, un. Don't worry about it, yeah," Deidara replied, glad she didn't have any real huge reaction to his living state.

"All right, but don't hesitate to ask, dear," Mrs. Uzumaki said kindly.

"Sure, un." Dear? What a poor, deluded woman.

"Is there anything else we should know about you?" Mr. Uzumaki asked, smiling lightly.

"Uh. . ." Deidara glanced at Tobi, and Tobi gave a little nod. "Um. . .well, I'm sort of. . .pregnant. . ." There was silence after this statement. Mr. Uzumaki said nothing, Tobi and Naruto already knew, and Mrs. Uzumaki grabbed Deidara's plate. Deidara, slightly confused, watched as she piled more potatoes on to his plate.

"You're too skinny," she said firmly. "You can't expect to grow a baby in that gut." Deidara cautiously accepted his plate back. Mr. Uzumaki cleared his throat, looking at Tobi.

"So, um, this might seem a bit rude of me to ask, but. . ."

"Oh, it's not Tobi's. It's someone else's, un," Deidara explained, slightly relieved they hadn't reacted negatively.

"Well you be sure to keep healthy. Are you giving it up for adoption?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked.

"Hopefully, un. So far no one's been exactly, well, willing," Deidara answered.

"I see. Well, I wish we could be of more help. Deidara glanced at Tobi.

"Tobi's been more than helpful, Uzumaki-san. I don't think anyone would be able to ask more of someone."

"Aw, that's sweet," Mrs. Uzumaki said, smiling. "But seriously, if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask." Deidara gave a small nod, looking slightl overwhelmed. But, then again, somewhere in his expression was relief.

* * *

"Hey, Deidara, want to take a bath together?" Deidara was caught off guard, he hadn't expected anything weirder than Mrs. Uzumaki to arise this evening, and certainly not while he was only trying to spread out the sleeping bag he had been lent from the Uzumaki family. But, hey, a bath did sound nice.

"Sure, un," Deidara said, standing up. Tobi lead him to the bathroom. One thing the Uzumaki's indulged in was bathing. They had a traditional Japanese bath, one where two people could easily sit together comfortably. Tobi had already filled the bath, and had been about to undress before asking Deidara to join him. And now he continued with that bit of his bathing experience. Deidara stared, not able to move an inch as Tobi peeled off his shirt, exposing his well-toned ,tan chest.

"Come on, Deidara. You can't take a bath in your clothes," Tobi said. Deidara was suddenly panicking, having mental images of the millions of times Sasori had tricked him into sex. 'Oh, Deidara, I'm so sorry I spilled this generic staining substance all over you.' 'My, Deidara, seems awful hot this winter evening. Why don't we just go to bed in our underwear?' and, of course, everyone's favorite, 'Let's take a bath together! I'll wash your hair if you wash mine!'. Those had all been at the beginning of the relationship, when Sasori actually gave a rat's ass about Deidara. After a while, once Deidara was fully submerged in their relationship, it just got to 'Strip. Now. Suck.'. This was the beginning of a relationship. Deidara gulped, what if he didn't mind being tricked? Did he actually want to? It just seemed so...wrong. Not that there was anything wrong with Tobi, no, it was rather the opposite.

Tobi turned around, facing Deidara. Deidara god a great look at Tobi's chest, his toned muscles standing out against his tanned skin. "Deidara? You're staring."

"Oh. . ." Deidara coughed, looking away.

"Well?"

"Well what, un?"

"Are you going to disrobe?" Tobi asked, attempting to make the situation a little humorous.

"Right. . ." Deidara awkwardly slid his shirt off, exposing his round belly. Tobi smiled and turned around, sliding his pants off. Deidara slowly did the same, standing nervously behind Tobi. Tobi, oblivious to Deidara's self-consciousness, bent over to test the temperature of the water. Deidara blanched. Tobi straightened and turned around, smiling at Deidara.

"The water's perfect," he said, gesturing for Deidara to come over. Slowly, Deidara walked over and allowed Tobi to help him step into the water. Tobi soon followed him, stretching out easily. Deidara, however, wrapped his arms around his stomach and huddled down, wondering exactly why he had butterflies in his stomach. Maybe it was because this was the first time Tobi had seen him naked, not counting that picture. Or perhaps being pregnant, naked, and in a bath with his boyfriend were just minor contributing factors. "Deidara?" Tobi asked, floating over to the blonde. "Relax, all right?" He removed Deidara's arms from his stomach, massaging the large bump. Deidara blushed, Tobi's face inches from his ear. But Tobi's massaging hand was rather relaxing, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. Tobi breathed lightly on Deidara's ear, then nuzzled his nose into the crook of Deidara's neck.

"Mmm, Tobi," Deidara whispered, petting Tobi's hair. Two words blared out in his mind, two bolded, fully capitalized words, underlined, and at the end of a long, long list that had guided his life for the past four months. 'NO SEX'. And now, he repeated these two words to Tobi.

"What?" Tobi asked, sitting back and looking Deidara in the eye. "Deidara, we're in my parent's house. I mean, that is, if you want to, I wouldn't say no-" Deidara put his finger over Tobi's lips.

"I'm not supposed to, Tobi. That's why I said no, un."

"Oh. Well good." Tobi grinned, kissing Deidara's cheek. Deidara blushed, of course it was completely inappropriate for them to do that, here of all places, now of all times. Deidara relaxed a little, allowing Tobi's hand to continue massaging his pregnant belly. Tobi kissed Deidara's cheek lightly, nibbling slightly on his earlobe and neck. Deidara relaxed even more, melting into Tobi's touch. He leaned more and more on his black-haired boyfriend. Tobi smiled. "I'll wash your hair if you wash mine, ne, Deidara?" Deidara grinned.

"Sure, Tobi," Deidara replied. Tobi smiled and reached for the shampoo.

* * *

A/N: Hey all, appreciate this chapter, damn it! I was sitting there, thinking 'Ok, this'll be a snap! Just give Tobi a normal family!' and then I was all 'Oh shit! What does a dad do?! Fuck. . .um. . .they read papers and smoke pipes, right? Do they talk? Are they rude? Do they tease mothers? AAAH!' So I just went with the paper reading, pipe smoking, silent type. Mr. Uzumaki won't be making more appearances. . .Jeez, he has one more planned appearances, but no lines! They're fucking confusing! And I'm sorry, I cut Naruto's scene because of TIME! Deidara's only four months pregnant when this scene happened, but he was originally schedueled to be six. So. . .he'll just come back for dinner! Review please, tell me I did the fucking best job anyone could've EVER done! And thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

"Father?" Itachi asked.

"Hmm? Oh, hello Itachi. How're you doing?"

"Well. Sasuke's staying out of trouble, as usual."

"Ah, splendid!"

". . .how is your trip going?"

"Lucratively. We've almost signed the contract with the other company."

". . .I see. . ."

"Is Sasuke doing well in his relationship?"

"From what I can tell. . ."

"Ah, good, good!"

". . .I was rather wondering. . .if we might. . .talk?"

"Talk? Isn't that what we've been doing?"

". . .on a different matter, Father. . ."

"Ah. Well, as long as you can get it over in five minutes."

". . .how might I go about. . .telling someone. . .about certain feelings I have. . .for them. . .?"

"What? Oh. Tell them, it doesn't really matter. They'll probably do anything you want, it's just that way when you're rich. And use a condom, all right son?"

". . ."

"Well, I have a meeting to get to. Keep Sasuke well!" and with a click, the line went dead. Itachi sighed, closing his phone. How could he tell his father that Kisame didn't care if he was the crown prince of Whales? Looked like he was on his own for this one.

* * *

"It seems to me that this was set up," Itachi stated.

"Huh? Really now, what makes you think that?" Kisame said sarcastically. "Konan mysteriously disappears because of a test that she had to make up because she got an A- on it, Deidara is feeling rather pregnant and decided to get a ride home with Tobi, who also took Naruto and Sasuke home. For some reason Kakuzu picked up Hidan early, of all things, and I'm left to get a ride from you. Seems completely natural."

"You don't have to sound so bitter about the situation, Kisame," Itachi said softly, opening the door to the car.

"I'm not, it just seems a bit shady of them, is all," Kisame mumbled. Shit, he finally got some alone time with Itachi, why the hell was he complaining? Sighing, he got into the passenger's seat.

From the cover of a hallway, Konan shot Deidara a glare. "Rather pregnant?" she asked. Deidara grinned, shrugging.

"A-?" he replied.

"Touché."

"Why is Kisame bitching so much, un? Isn't he supposed to be on pervert cloud nine, yeah?"

"He's nervous. He has morals, you know, unlike some of us," Konan replied without hesitation. "But are you sure Itachi likes him?"

"I have it o good authority, un! Sasuke never lies, hmm! And Tobi wouldn't tell me something he thought might not be true, un," Deidara replied.

"I guess that's how it works in high school," Konan sighed. "Come on, they're leaving. Let's catch the bus, I have work at five." Konan walked off, leaving Deidara to run after her.

"So. . ." Kisame said, breaking the awkward silence that had descended upon them. "Are your parents home?" Itachi sighed.

"They took off to Hawaii and left Sasuke and me home," he replied. "Usually when they go they would take us with them and just hire a tutor, but Sasuke got grounded so I have to stay home and baby-sit him."

"Jeez, that doesn't seem very nice," Kisame said. Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"Well, yeah, it seems like you just get dragged off to some summer home. I mean, your education would suffer from being taken around everywhere." Kisame blinked. 'Oh great, as if making it seem you don't want to spend time around him isn't enough, why don't you insult his lifestyle?' Kisame mentally slapped himself. Itachi was silent for a moment.

"That's certainly something I've never heard," he said softly. "Usually people are just jealous that we go off like that."

"Well they're just asses. I know some people wish they could have money and just relax, but frankly, if it means being dragged around like a puppy, then I'd rather not."

"Interesting. . ."

"I don't mean to insult you, Itachi, I don't know what I was thinking-"

"It's fine, Kisame. You've always been a breath of fresh air to me." 'Whoa, what the hell was that supposed to mean?' Kisame panicked. Itachi glanced at Kisame out of the corner of his eye, a slight smirk decorating his pretty, full lips. "My, Kisame, you're quite flustered today. Any particular reason?"

"Uh. . ." Was Itachi smirking at him? Suddenly Itachi's phone went off.

"Ah, fuck. . ." Itachi, with one glance at the road, slipped his hand into his pocket and threw his phone at Kisame. "Answer it for me, will you? I'm driving." Kisame opened the phone and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Itachi?"

"Uh, no, Kisame. . ."

"What? Kisame-san, what are you doing with my brother's phone?"

"He's driving and can't answer the phone right now. What did you want?"

"Well, I was going to ask for something. . .but I see he's busy. . .oh, Kisame-san?"

"What?"

"Don't go too far." and he hung up. Kisame stared, traumatized, at the phone. He wanted to reach through it and strangle that little duck-butt haired twat!

"Kisame? You look like you're about to break my phone. Who was it?" Itachi asked, holding out his hand for his phone. Kisame handed it over.

"Your brother. He was going to ask for something but decided not to."

". . .I see. . . Did he say anything else?"

"Um. . .yes?" 'Bad, bad Kisame!'

"What?"

"Something personal. . ."

"Kisame, he's my little brother. Anything personal to you would be personal to me."

"Not necessarily." Itachi narrowed his eyes at Kisame.

"Does it have anything to do with Naruto?" he asked skeptically.

"What? No!"

"Right. Keep your secrets, then." Kisame stared at Itachi. If there was one thing that Itachi might give a shit about, it was Sasuke. He was more of a parent to Sasuke than their parents combined, and spent most of his time trying to keep Sasuke out of trouble and in line.

"Uh, don't worry over-"

"I trust you, Kisame. You wouldn't keep something potentially harmful from me," Itachi stated. Kisame blinked.

"You seme awfully talkative and social today, Itachi. Any particular reason?"

"A while ago, I'd say about a month or so, I said I'd tell you something. It was something I wanted to talk to you about, but I wasn't ready then. I think I'm ready, now. . ."

"Oh! I remember! Well then, what's on your mind?"

". . .It's about. . .me. . ."

"I would assume. Either you or your brother. What's up?"

". . .I think I may like someone. . ."

"Uh-huh," Kisame urged.

"And I have a good feeling they like me back. . ."

"I see. If you want to talk about this in depth, you can pull over the car. Deidara told me Tobi nearly crashed when he confessed his feelings for Dediara."

"And who says I'll be confessing my feelings to someone?" Itachi asked.

"Oh, I think I know who might like you back. . ." Itachi pulled over the car. Kisame smiled.

"So you've guessed who it is, hmm?" Itachi asked quietly, a soft smirking playing upon his lips.

"I have a hunch. Mind putting it into the air, though?"

". . .promise not to make fun of me?"

"I promise," Kisame replied.

". . .you. . ."

"Knew it!" Kisame grinned, Itachi looking down, blushing. "Aw, Itachi, don't feel embarrassed! I like you too!" Itachi looked up.

"Really? You're not just saying that?" he asked.

"That would just cause more problems. Of course I wouldn't lie about something like that. I really do like you." Itachi looked at Kisame in a moment of shock, before allowing a relieved, happy smile split his face. Kisame couldn't hold a similar smile from his own lips, looking at the stoic Uchiha smiling happily at him was enough to make his heart melt.

"So. . ." Itachi coughed. "Does this mean you want to. . .date?" Kisame let a small chuckle escape his lips, Itachi was so innocent.

"Yes, I would assume so."

"So. . .does that make us. . ."

"Yes, Itachi, that makes us boyfriends."

"So. . .will you kiss me?" Kisame blanched, looking down at Itachi.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It'll be your first. . ."

"Yes, Kisame, I'm sure." Without anymore hesitation, Kisame leaned forward and pressed his chapped lips against Itachi's curved, luscious ones. They stayed like that a moment, before Itachi slyly poked his tongue past Kisame's lips. Kisame didn't respond for a moment, before allowing Itachi's tongue into his mouth, sucking softly on it. Tentatively, Itachi wrapped his arms around Kisame's neck, fingers tangling in his blue hair. Kisame's own hands found their way to Itachi's shoulders, holding them gently. Eventually, though, they pulled back for air, looking deeply into each other's eyes. "Kisame?"

"Hmm?"

"For some reason, I can't stop thinking about what Hidan would say right now."

"And what is that?"

"He'd be saying 'this is really fucking gay'." Kisame chuckled.

"I have a feeling you're right." Needless to say, they made it home in one piece.

* * *

"Kakuzu," Hidan whined pitifully. Kakuzu sighed and looked up from the book he had been reading. "You don't even touch me anymore." Kakuzu sighed. "Is our relationship over?" Kakuzu slipped a bookmark into his book, realizing he wasn't going to get any reading done with Hidan whining like this.

"Hidan, it's complicated. I don't want to do anything that would upset your parents, but until you're eighteen they're your guardians. But. . ." Kakuzu trailed off, pausing a moment before coughing and continuing. "No. It's unfair of me to ask that. I can't-" Kakuzu stopped, wishing he hadn't even gone along with this conversation. "I'm a legal adult, and am the responsible one here. I have to respect your guardians' wishes. If they don't want you dating me, I don't think we should."

"But what about when I turn eighteen? What then?"

"Then. . .I don't know. It would be completely unreasonable for me to ask anything of you. You're only seventeen."

"That's two years younger than you, shit head! And in the first two years of your life you probably didn't learn anything anyway because of all the second-hand drugs you were exposed to!" Hidan leapt off the couch, glaring down at Kakuzu. He full heartedly expected Kakuzu to leap up as well and attempt to strangle him. Instead, Kakuzu lay back, turning so his back was to Hidan's.

"I'm not going to fight you on this, Hidan," he said softly. A great guilt boiled up in Hidan's chest, spreading itself out angrily. Without another word he turned and ran from the apartment, nearly tripping down the stairs as he burst into the sunlight. He looked around. Everything was quiet. But he knew he'd better get out of here fast, if he didn't want to run into any shady characters. And then how was he to get home? Stopping about halfway down the block he turned, gazing back at the apartment building. He couldn't go back, not after what he'd said. Sadly, he set his shoulders and began walking again.

* * *

Kakuzu sighed angrily as he stepped into the building. He really shouldn't be here, he should be out looking for Hidan, but for some reason, he really didn't care about the silver-haired Satanist. And now he was entering the only honest library in the whole city. Quickly, he strode up to the counter, telling himself he would just drop off his books and go to find Hidan. And he froze, staring at the worker standing behind the counter. "Do I know you?" he asked, setting the books down. The person froze, blinked shyly at Kakuzu, and nodded. "Oh! Tony, was it? Deidara's new boy toy?" Tony, that sounded like the sort of guy Deidara would mess around with.

"Um. . .Tobi. . ."

"Right. You work here?"

"Yeah. . ."

"Jeez, you're not very friendly," Kakuzu said. Sure, he didn't have tastes like Deidara, but he would've liked a better conversation than this shifty-eyed, awkward two-word exchange. Deciding this Tobi was just a rebound, he brushed off the matter. "I'm just returning these." Tobi awkwardly took the first book, scanning it. The silence was deafening.

"Hidan's sorry!" Tobi blurted out. Kakuzu stared at him, blinking in shock.

"Pardon?"

"Um. . ." Tobi looked about ready to faint. Kakuzu sighed.

"Look, I'm not going to beat you up or in any way hurt or molest you. So open your mouth and spill it!" Tobi squeaked.

"I just got a call from Deidara! Hidan's over at his place! He just mentioned it, I'm sorry! I can't tell you any more!" Tobi looked about ready to keel over.  
Kakuzu sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly.

"What's got your thong in a knot?" he snapped. "Am I too ugly to stomach?" Oh yes, he really wasn't in a good mood today.

"No! I'm sorry!" Tobi really looked like he was going to faint. Kakuzu sighed irritably. He looked around. Noticing a chair, he quickly snatched it and brought it around the counter, pushing Tobi into it.

"Will you stop fucking hyperventilating? I'm not actually going to hurt you," Kakuzu said, trying to keep his voice under control. Tobi nodded. Kakuzu noticed how red his face looked. Reaching forward, he felt the younger teen's forehead. "You're running a fever. Stay here." Kakuzu walked off to the drinking fountain, taking out his handkerchief. He remembered he had started carrying one when Hidan had taken to getting in to fights. He'd needed constant cleanup, so Kakuzu had simply taken to carrying it around.

After getting it damp enough, he walked back over to Tobi and placed the cool cloth to his forehead. "Is that better?" he asked gruffly. Tobi nodded. "What the fuck is going on? You're not so antisocial you can't handle holding a proper conversation, are you?"

"No. . .I just haven't been feeling well. . ."

"Then what the fuck are you doing here? Are things that bad at home?"

"No. . .I didn't think it was this bad."

"Well it's obviously bad if you can't even stand up. No- keep sitting, damn it." Kakuzu pushed Tobi back into the chair. "Keep still. If anyone comes up, just tell them you're not feeling well. I need to go make a phone call." Kakuzu, after glancing back at Tobi, walked off a bit and whipped out his cell phone, dialing Deidara's number. Deidara picked up on the second ring.

"Yeah?"

"Dei, it's Kakuzu. Is Hidan there?"

"Yeah. Yo, Hidan! You want to talk to Kakuzu?"

"Um. . .do I have to?"

"Jesus, Hidan, he fucking called! Might as well give him a little chit-chat, eh?"

"Aw, Dei. . ."

"Hidan, stop being such a baby. Here-" And Hidan was put on the line.

"How did you know I was here?" Hidan demanded.

"I'm at a library and Tobi told me."

"Oh. . .so you went to a library?"

"Yes, Hidan. That's why I'm at the library."

"Don't get sarcastic with me, bastard!"

"Since when was I the bastard?" Kakuzu asked tiredly, wishing he had a chair to sit in. This conversation was not what he wanted.

"Since you decided to. . ."

"Please, Hidan, let's not go into this."

"You can't do this!" Hidan cried.

"Hidan! Can you just listen for one goddamned minute? I don't want to go through this again. Please. I know it's unfair of me, but if you really insist, I'll wait until you're eighteen, and then we can do whatever we want."

". . .No. If you can't care about me now, how can me being eighteen change that?"

"Have you listened to a word I've said? I know I've heard every useless word that's come out of yours!"

"I hate you! How can you pretend to be so respectable when all you are is trash? How can you pretend to care about morals and what's socially acceptable when all you are is a piece of shit that's been raised on crack?"

". . .Hidan-"

"Just shut up! It's over!" and with this, Hidan hung up. Kakuzu closed his phone, just staring at it for a moment. What had he expected? A sobbing apology? A confession of undying love? Kakuzu sighed. Like Hidan would ever do that. Kakuzu mentally cursed himself for thinking he could get anything heartfelt out of the Satanist and made his way back to Tobi. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better," Tobi replied. Kakuzu nodded distractedly.

"Are you dizzy at all?"'

"Just a bit. It only started this morning, though."

"Probably just a bug. Here, I need to make one more phone call. Stay here." Kakuzu walked off again, quickly redialing Deidara's number. 'We're sorry, but this number has been disconnected. Please hang up and dial again.' Confused, Kakuzu dialed the orphanage's phone. Ino picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is Kakuzu. Can I talk to Deidara?"

"Uh, sure, but he has a guest."

"Whatever. Just get him on the line." Ino sighed and sounded as if she were climbing stairs.

"You wouldn't mind calling for someone on the bottom floor next time, would you?" she asked.

"I'm not in the mood, Ino."

"Fine, fine." Finally, Ino knocked on Deidara's door. "Mr. Pregnant! Kakuzu!" There was a small exchange, consisting mostly of 'I thought I told you not to call me that' and 'What does it matter?'. Finally, Deidara was on the line.

"Yeah?"

"How's Hidan?"

"Um. . .he threw my phone at the wall, un."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Long story."

"What-" Kakuzu cleared his throat. "What do you think he thinks of me?"

"Oh, I don't know, un. Seems like someone fucked up big time, though, yeah. And someone owes me a new phone, hmm."

"It ain't going to be me," Kakuzu said.

"Oh no, I wouldn't dream of it, un. I'll get Hidan's parents to fork over the cash, yeah. Hidan doesn't work, so it'll just come out of his college funds, yeah."

"You have a sick mind. Speaking of which, your new toy is sick."

"Hmm?"

"Tobi's sick. Nearly fainted."

"Holy shit, un. Tell him he's a fucking bastard and should go home this instant, yeah!" Kakuzu chuckled. "What?"

"It's nice to hear you finally care about someone. Make sure Hidan doesn't do anything stupid, all right?"

"Sure, un. Want me to tell him anything, yeah?"

"Nah, I don't think he wants to hear from me. Make sure he doesn't jump out a window, will you?"

'What? Who says he'll do that, un?"

"The guilt's killing him. Well, bye."

"Bye. . ." And Kakuzu hung up. He considered throwing his phone at the wall, too, just for the sake of breaking something. No, he'd better not. Better to throw it at someone than at something. Once he got back to Tobi, he decided that just keeping his phone intact was the best solution.

"Do you want a ride home?" he asked softly. Tobi shook his head.

"I should stay. . ."

"Look, if I don't take you home right now, Deidara is going to kick my ass. And I can't even hit him back because he's pregnant. So I'm not about to get my assed kicked by a pregnant guy." Kakuzu hoisted Tobi off of the chair. "Where's your boss?" Tobi pointed to a backroom. Kakuzu marched over there and knocked politely before opening the door and stepping in. A man with glasses was stacking books, another man sitting on his desk.

"And then-" the man sitting on the desk stopped mid-sentence, staring at Kakuzu. "Kakuzu."

"Orochimaru." Kakuzu nodded at the black haired man. He then turned his sights to the man with the glasses. "Tobi's sick, he's taking off early."

"Oh my. . ." the man looked around, somewhat unaware that he had an employee. "Did he go into the forbidden wing? My, what dreadful things would happen to him if he dared go there!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Kakuzu turned to leave, when Orochimaru said something.

"Ever the coward, he is. Can't stand to look me in the eye, even after what he did to me. . ." Kakuzu stopped, pondered how angry Kabuto could get, decided it didn't really matter, and turned around. He then, without a word, slugged Orochimaru so hard that he fell off the desk and to the floor with a crash. Turning on his heel, and hearing a few 'Oh my, oh my's' from Kabuto, Kakuzu grabbed Tobi and dragged him out of there. Man, how much could one person fuck his life up in a single day? Kakuzu stopped at his car, throwing open the door and letting Tobi climb in. He was about to get in himself, when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder.

"Kakuzu. . ." Fuck that. Things just got worse.

* * *

A/N: Hey all, sorry for the fluff in the last chapter! And sorry, but one more fling before I finally send Kakuzu and Hidan into suspended animation. And no, asides from showing how caring Kakuzu is, there's no real reason for Tobi being sick. But we DID get to meet Orochimaru, who has a thing against Kakuzu. What could Kakuzu possibly have done to Orochimaru? And what the fuck does Orochimaru decide to do? And who has cold hands? Find out more, with my shitty cliff hanger! (I only put it in because the chapter was getting too long. Oh well, I like it!) Four reviews, please!


	13. Chapter 13

"What the hell, un? Raised on crack?" Hidan glared at Deidara and, without a moment's hesitation, he lobbed the phone at the wall. "What the fuck, Hidan?" Deidara screeched, lunging after his broken phone. "Oh come on, there goes my connection to the outside world, yeah!" Deidara got up, glaring down at the shattered remains of his phone. "What was that for, yeah?" he demanded angrily.

"I'm angry," Hidan stated. Deidara blinked.

"Angry, un? You, Jashin Hidan, are angry? Oh, please, enlighten me. Why the fuck are you angry?"

"Kakuzu doesn't care about me." Hidan looked at the floor, expecting the blond to coo sympathetically. Instead, what he received was quite different. A slap across the cheek got him out of his daze pretty quickly. Deidara stood before him, arms crossed angrily over his chest, a glower of utmost loathing upon his face.

"Kakuzu doesn't care about you, un? Where the fuck did you get that idea, yeah?" he demanded.

"He- he says because of my parents not wanting me dating him, he won't. But then he says he'll wait until I'm eighteen, but- it's like he doesn't love me now. . ."

"Oh for the sake of all that is painful and unholy! Do you even get what that means, you fucking retard?!" Deidara screamed. "He's trying to be a civilized human being and keep you out of trouble with your parents, and he's giving you a fucking choice of getting back together, yeah!"

". . .but-"

"Hidan, listen to yourself, yeah! I'd tell you to call him back, but you broke my phone, hmm." Deidara sighed. "You're a bad person, you know? You are a very, very bad person." Deidara sighed. "Not like you could tell, un. Kakuzu has extremely bad taste in men, yeah."

"What?"

"First Orochimaru, then you, yeah."

"Why bring that sick fuck up?"

"Oh, I don't know, seems you're not much better than him, un."

"What?" Hidan cried, wishing he could punch Deidara. "How could you even compare me to him?"

"You both seem to take Kakuzu for granted, yeah."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Hidan demanded. "I love-" Hidan paused, blinking. "I love him. . ."

"So why do you treat him like trash, yeah?" Deidara asked tiredly. "You remember when Orochimaru was screwing around with, like, everyone? Remember how angry you got, un? You're still a jealous bastard, hmm. You care about him just as much as when you punched out Orochimaru and the slut he was with, and just about anyone else you could get your hands on, hmm. You like him just as much as when you screamed at him for five minutes straight because you thought he killed himself. So why say such mean things, hmm?" Hidan stayed quiet for a long moment. "If he's going to go away, might as well be because of you, un, right?"

"You're starting to freak me out, Dei. . ."

"Hey, I was always a good guesser, un. You don't want to loose him, do you, yeah? You either want him gone for good, or here forever, yeah?"

"So? You'd want Tobi around, wouldn't you?" Hidan shot.

"Why are you dragging him into this, un?"

"You brought up Orochimaru. . ."

"Whatever. I'd probably just give up, yeah. If Tobi was even the least bit unhappy with me, I admit it, I'd just back down, yeah. But getting Kakuzu to abandon you isn't the answer, hmm."

"What?"

"You know what you're doing, yeah. You're so attached that even the slightest hint of him leaving sends you into a tantrum, yeah."

"Well, what if Tobi wanted to wait until you were eighteen? How would that make you feel?"

"Depends on why he's doing it, yeah. If it's because of something my parents said, I'd probably be too overjoyed that I had a family to really care what they thought, hmm." Hidan sighed.

"But how would you feel?" Hidan pressed. Deidara sighed, now, rubbing his temples.

"Jesus, Hidan, yeah! If Tobi was bothering to be that polite, then I'd be damn lucky, yeah!"

"So you're saying I'm lucky?"

"Hell yeah!" Deidara looked like he was going to continue into an angry tirade, but suddenly the door burst open and Ino was standing there with a phone.

"Mr. Pregnant! Kakuzu!"

"I thought I told you not to call me that, yeah," Deidara muttered, reaching for the phone. Ino held it away.

"Does it matter?"

"Give the phone, Ino, yeah."

"What's the magic word?"

"Circumcision."

"Eh, good enough," Ino said, tossing him the phone.

"Yeah?" . . . "Um. . . he threw my phone at the wall, un." . . . "Yeah. Long story." . . . Deidara was glaring at Hidan now. "Oh, I don't know, un. Seems like someone fucked up big time, though, yeah. And someone owes me a new phone, hmm." . . . Now Deidara had a sadistic smile on his face. "Oh no, I wouldn't dream of it, un. I'll get Hidan's parents to fork over the cash, yeah. Hidan doesn't work, so it'll just come out of his college funds, yeah." . . . Deidara was looking purely evil, that is, until Kakuzu said something. "Hmm?" . . . "Holy shit, un. Tell him he's a fucking bastard and should go home this instant, yeah!" . . . "What?" Deidara snapped, not enjoying being laughed at. "Sure, un. Want me to tell him anything, yeah?" . . . "What? Who says he'll do that, un?" . . . That was ominous. "Bye. . ." and Kakuzu hung up. Deidara sighed and closed the line.

"What did he have to say? Did he want to talk to me?"

"Nope, un. Thought you were the one who didn't want to talk to him, un. And I wasn't joking about the phone, yeah. You better buy me a new one, hmm." Deidara looked serious now. "But honestly, you're acting like a spoiled brat. I think-" Deidara suddenly paled, and slapping a hand to his mouth he ran out of the room. Hidan, worried, followed him. He found Deidara in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet and spilling his intestines into it. Carefully, Hidan pulled back Deidara's hair to keep it from getting in the puke. After a few shaky breaths and dry splutters, Deidara got up, washed out his mouth, and turned back to Hidan. "You're a brat, yeah," he said, sticking out his tongue.

"And you're jealous."

"So? Least I can admit it, yeah." And sadly, Deidara was right.

* * *

Kakuzu looked down at his little brother. "What do you want, Obito?" he asked tiredly. Obito looked like something Hell had spit back up. He was dressed in what looked like a dog he sat on, all threadbare and gray, grease collecting in a grimly layer over his skin and clothes. The worst of all was the large, inhuman smile splitting open his face, showing off his crooked, all too white teeth.

"Just a bit of money, Kuzu-kun," Obito cooed. Kakuzu sighed angrily.

"I don't have any money, I'm spending it all on your rehab," Kakuzu growled. "What the hell are you doing on the streets?"

"They got no soul there," Obito said, enchanted. "They don't understand about the free spirit! I can't be bound by rules or-"

"Get in the car, Obito," Kakuzu growled, grabbing his little brother's arm and throwing him in the backseat. He then slammed himself into the driver's side, clutching the steering wheel madly. Finally, after taking a few relaxing breaths, he started up the car and headed off. "Which way?" he asked Tobi.

"Um. . .right," Tobi replied.

"Ooh, Tobi?" Obito asked, smiling wider and leaning forward, his mouth near Tobi's ear. "What a sweet name! Where do you come up with that?"

"Obito! Hands to yourself!" Kakuzu snapped. Obito didn't listen, feeling Tobi's shoulders roughly.

"I bet you're just a cutie, ne?" Obito's rancid breath filled Tobi's ears, and he panicked, slapping at Obito's hands. "Ooh, feisty! I can deal, I can deal!" Obito chuckled darkly and let his rough, dirty hands pinch at Tobi's chest.

"Get off me!" Tobi cried.

"Obito! Get off him!" Kakuzu commanded. Obito paid him no heed. "Here, Tobi, just tell me where to turn. Obito! Quit feeling his chest!" Obito didn't pay attention, letting his mouth grow closer to Tobi's ear.

"Obito, please, get off me!" Tobi squeaked.

"Obito! Knock it off!" Kakuzu snapped. When he didn't listen, Kakuzu jerked the car over to the side of the road. Angrily, he got out of the car and opened the passenger's side of the front seat. "Come on, get out," he growled. Tobi got out shakily and Kakuzu opened the door to the back seat. "Get out, Obito," he commanded. Obito stayed put. "Obito! Move your ass!" Sighing dramatically, Obito took his time sliding out of the car. Kakuzu grabbed Obito's arm, dragging him into the passenger's side of the front seat. "Tobi, move to the other side." Tobi nodded, and moved over to the right side to get away from Obito. Sighing, Kakuzu slammed the passenger's door, almost catching Obito's fingers in the hinges. Finally, Kakuzu got into the driver's side and continued. "I'm sorry about my brother, Tobi. I didn't expect him to show up."

"It's all right," Tobi replied.

"Such a waste to let a cutie slide away. . ." Obito sighed.

"Keep your mouth shut, Obito. I'd chew you out if Tobi weren't here."

"Aw, but Kuzu-kun-"

"Shut up, Obito. I am seriously not in the mood," Kakuzu growled. A tense silence descended upon all three of them. Finally, Tobi broke the silence.

"Um, just left up here," he said quietly.

"Kay," Kakuzu grunted. He turned left.

"I'd give you my number if I had a phone," Obito said.

"Are you on Ecstasy?" Kakuzu sighed.

"What do you care? It's artistically inspiring!"

"Next thing I know, you'll start saying 'yeah' after every sentence," Kakuzu mumbled. "Which of these is yours?"

"Uh, the red one up there. . ."

"Right." Kakuzu turned into the driveway and stopped, getting out and opening Tobi's door for him. Tobi got out, thanked Kakuzu, wished him luck, and went into the house. Kakuzu sighed, getting back in the car and drove off.

Kakuzu drove in silence, wondering where to go. He couldn't take Obito to his apartment, that would be just wrong. Their parents' house? That would be suicide. Maybe a clinic? But that would mean paperwork, signing, explaining. . .was it worth it? Sighing, Kakuzu turned around and headed for the clinic. "You still haven't explained what you're doing on the streets, Obito," Kakuzu said softly.

"I told you, they don't understand me!"

"They're trying to help you, Obito. Why don't you want help?"

"I don't need help!" Obito screeched. Kakuzu remembered how out of control Obito could get.

"Obito, please. Just be-"

"I don't want to hear it! Everybody's only ever told me that I need help! I don't need help! I'm fine!" Kakuzu stayed silent. "Are you listening to me?"

"Obito, if you won't listen to me, what makes you think I'll listen to you?"

"I always listen to you!"

". . ."

"Kakuzu!"

"Hmm?"

"Are you listening?"

"Haven't we been through this?"

"Kakuzu! Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see."

"Kakuzu! Tell me or else it's kidnapping!"

"No it's not, Obito, and you know it."

"I'll jump." Obito put his hand on the handle of the door. Kakuzu pressed the lock on his side, making sure Obito couldn't get out. Obito unlocked the door. Kakuzu locked the door. Obito unlocked the door. Kakuzu growled, locking the door again. "I will jump, Kakuzu, and you know it."

"Don't. We're almost there, just stay in the car." Luckily for everyone, Obito did stay in the car until they got to the clinic. But once they pulled into the parking lot, all hell broke loose.

"What are we doing here? You can't be serious!" Kakuzu locked the doors and got out, hurrying around to the other side before Obito could get out. Flinging the door open, he grabbed his brother's arm and dragged him out of the car and towards the clinic.

"Obito, will you please stop biting my arm?" Kakuzu growled. Obito, deciding he too would rather not bite Kakuzu's arm, opted instead for kicking and screaming. Kakuzu sighed, and finally managed to get Obito into the clinic. The receptionist didn't bat an eyelash.

"Oh, Mr. Obito is back? Great. Are you his brother?"

"Yes. Ok, Obito, let go. . ." Kakuzu growled, trying to pry Obito's limbs and jaws off of himself. Finally, Obito fell to the ground, yelling and glaring at Kakuzu. Kakuzu sighed. "Come on, Obito, get up."

"Oppression of the mind!" Obito screamed, trying to make a break for it. Kakuzu easily caught him and dragged him back to the front desk.

"What the hell have you guys been giving him?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know, I'm not in charge of that. My, he sure does have a set of jaws, doesn't he?" The receptionist leaned over the desk. "Hmm. Well, I'll call in one of the doctors in charge of people like him, so just hold tight for another minute, kay?" Kakuzu sighed, hoping Obito didn't have any strange diseases like Herpes.

"Come on, Obito, the nice people are going to take care of you," he said half-heartedly. Obito lashed out at Kakuzu, nearly clipping his older brother's jaw. "Damn it, Obito, you're such a pain," Kakuzu muttered. The doors to the rest of the clinic burst open, and a strange man with a weird bowl cut came out. "Oh dear, is that Obito?" he asked, walking quickly over to Kakuzu and detaching Obito from his arm.

"Does he have any diseases?" Kakuzu asked, checking to see if Obito had broken the skin. Well, all the blood running down his arm should've been his first clue, but he had rather hoped it had come from Obito's swollen, infected gums.

"Oh my, do you want some disinfectant for that?" the doctor asked, and while keeping a hold on Obito's arm, he took a good look at the large bite out of Kakuzu's arm. While the doctor was doing this Obito fainted, going completely limp.

"Ah, what the hell. Sure," Kakuzu replied, following the doctor back into his office as he dragged Obito with him.

"I have to admit, Obito is the one patient I've come closest to just giving sedative and leaving it at that," the doctor said.

"Hmm," Kakuzu hummed. "Any clue why he hates it here?"

"He has a great fear and hate for any form of authority. I can't explain it."

"Oh?"

"I've analyzed everything- Is he really out for good?"

"Probably," Kakuzu grunted.

"What did he get himself in to?" The doctor went over to his desk, getting a cotton ball out of a jar and walking over to the cabinets on the right.

"I don't know, I have a feeling my parents' stash, but that's just a guess," Kakuzu replied, too tired to lie.

"Really?" the doctor glanced over his shoulder at Kakuzu as he got out a bottle of alcohol.

"Where do you think he gets half the stuff he smoke?" Kakuzu sighed. The doctor didn't say a thing as he bent to examine the deep bite marks in Kakuzu's arm.

"He certainly did some damage here."

"Nah, it ain't that bad. He's given me some worse shit I needed stitches for," Kakuzu replied.

"Oh dear. . ." The doctor glanced over to Obito's fainted body. Kakuzu's phone went off suddenly, and with a start Kakuzu answered it.

"Hello?"

"Kakuzu, un? Is Hidan going to kill himself, yeah?"

"What the hell? Not that I know of. What's going on?"

"Um. . .wow. . .uh. . ."

"Deidara, I'm serious. What the hell is going on?"

"It's just that Hidan left, and he was saying some weird stuff that's not really like him un."

"What kind of 'stuff'?"

"Just some things, like he wasn't good enough, and that he wasn't worth it, yeah." Kakuzu sighed.

"No, he's not going to kill himself. And if you freak out on me, I swear it'll send you into labor."

"What? I'm just five months along! The baby isn't due till mid August, yeah!"

"Does the baby care?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Shut up or your water's going to break."

"Whatever. Where are you, yeah?"

"At a hospital."

"What? You've got to be kidding, un!"

"No, Obito showed up, and was on something because he couldn't keep his hands off Tobi."

". . .you let Tobi get molested?"

"I stopped it, don't worry. But I had to get Obito somewhere he wouldn't get himself arrested."

"Right, right. Well, if you're sure Hidan't ok. . ."'

"Did you call him?"

"He won't answer."

"Crap. . .call him again, and if he doesn't answer, I'll call him when I get home, got it?"

"Yeah, un. Call you back?"

"Yeah. Bye."

"Bye." Kakuzu closed his phone, sighing.

"Oh my, you have a pregnant friend?" the doctor asked, attempting a conversation.

"Yeah, he's almost out of high school," Kakuzu answered, not really realizing what he was saying.

"He?" the doctor looked up, and Kakuzu prepared himself for explaining Deidara's 'special case'. "My son has a friend who's a pregnant male as well."

"Oh? Your son would be?" Kakuzu asked.

"Lee. Rock Lee," the doctor replied.

"Ah, I know him. . ." Kakuzu wracked his brain. Rock Lee. . .hadn't Hidan complained about him being perfect or something? "Weird obsession with green, has a haircut like you, actually, looks a lot like you. . .right?"

"Yes, that would be him. He doesn't have many friends. Would your friend also be Deidara-san?"

"Um, yeah." Wow, Deidara was friends with someone with such a nice dad? Impossible.

"Ah, you'll have to excuse me. I'm just a bit worried about my son's social life. You don't still go to school, do you?"

"I graduated last year. Obito should be a senior, but. . .he dropped out as a Sophomore. He said he couldn't handle the structure of it all."

"Really, now. What did your parents think of that?"

"Um, by then they were calling him Tree-hugger-san," Kakuzu said, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.

"I see." There was a long, almost painful silence. Finally, the doctor was finished cleaning the cut, and stood up. "It might not be my place, but not many people would do so much for a little brother like him," he said softly, inclining his head towards Obito.

"What can I say? He's my brother."

"Are you-" the doctor coughed. "Are you planning on going to school?"

"No. There's no way, even if Hell froze over, I'd be able to pay," Kakuzu sighed, standing up. He bowed politely to the doctor. "Thank you for all you've done for my brother," he said softly, then straightened, turned, and left.

Hidan didn't pick up his phone.

A/N: Hey, I'm back! The more reasonable Deidara becomes, the more British he sounds! Probably because my voice of reason, Nona, is British. And yes, this all has a point, and the plot gets moved along with my next scene! XD Deidara's baby gets parents (finally)! Oh, I bet you're all wondering about Hidan. . .well, you won't find out for a LONG time! (this implies that no immediate damage was done.) I got Tobi molested. . .I'm such a bad person! Review please!


	14. Chapter 14

"Here, I have an idea. How about we take a walk?"

"Walk?" Deidara asked, looking over.

"Yeah. A walk might just lift this tension. How about it?" Deidara sighed.

"All right," he consented. Tobi turned right, quickly traveling a block before coming to a small park. He parked on the street, and they got out. Immediately, the sounds of a babbling fountain and the wind blowing through the cherry blossom trees. A light frost was dusting the ground, a chilly breeze swirling around the couple as they made their way to the path. Almost without their knowledge, their hands intertwined.

"Deidara?" Tobi asked softly.

"Hmm?"

"I don't know, but it seems like. . .well, like you really don't want your child to end up in an orphanage. I don't mean to sound negative, that's usually someone else's job, but what would you do to keep your child away from a place like where you live?" Deidara gulped thickly, pondering the question.

"I- I don't hate it. . ." he said slowly, a hand absentmindedly slipping to touch his stomach. "But if I could raise it?" Deidara sighed. "I don't really have anything against it, I mean, no matter which way I look at it, it's my responsibility. And, really, having a family might be nice, but. . ." Deidara took a deep breath. "I just couldn't."

"Why?" The question slipped out of Tobi's lips without even passing through his brain.

"I-" Deidara sighed. "As long as I have to bother bringing another helpless life into this world, I might as well make sure it isn't as unhappy as me. I wake up every day, and live my life ignoring random insults thrown at me. I mean, if I had my kid, and raised it, that's all they would get. I've already fucked up their life by being me, and now no one even wants it, if I can find someone who won't just screw everything up, then it would just be better for the baby, un."

"I know. But would it be worse to let it go to an orphanage?"

"Of course. I know, I would probably have a hard time being able to support it, but. . ." Deidara sighed. "I don't know. Would it be better to be raised by a fucked up person like me, or in a hell hole of an orphanage, hmm?"

"Is it really that bad?" Tobi asked.

"Yeah, un. Once you learn how to do something on your own, they forget about you, un. I'm on the third floor, along with Ino and a few empty rooms, and they don't even come up there. They're never doing shit for us, yeah. They're barely even there, hmm." They walked on in silence for a long minute or two. Finally, with a sigh, Deidara broke the silence. "Let's sit down, I'm getting cramps." They walked over to a bench and sat down, Tobi still mulling over the situation.

"So you would raise the kid before letting it go to an orphanage?" Tobi asked softly.

"Yeah, un. I mean, I really don't want to put the kid through anything terrible, that's why I don't really want to associate myself with it, but if worst comes to worst. . .un. . ." Deidara sighed. "I know it wouldn't be fun, but, really, I am responsible. . ."

"Deidara, don't feel obligated. If you had known you could've gotten pregnant, then of course you would've done something about it." Deidara sighed.

"I know. But as long as Sasori's being himself, I have to take care of this mess. I really love this kid, and I don't want it to have to get shit because of me. And it will, no matter what, un. No one deserves that because I was stupid, yeah."

"So you'd raise it if no one wanted it?"

"If it was me standing between the kid and an orphanage, of course I would. I don't know about those bastards we just saw, but I would take ten times better care of it," Deidara sighed, leaning slightly against Tobi.

"This might seem a bit bold, but. . . If you needed to raise this child, I'd help." Deidara stiffened, evidently shocked.

"That's. . .a big commitment."

"I'm not asking you to spend the rest of your life with me, Deidara. But, can we just keep saying that we'll be together tomorrow?" There was a long, painful silence.

"All right. Till tomorrow," Deidara said softly. "And I knew they weren't a good match. I just had to try. I left a message with a nice sounding person, maybe he'll call back."

"He?"

"Yeah, definitely gay. I thought that, well, he might be a little more open, un."

"That's good."

"But. . .in case he can't. . .or won't. . .or anyone won't. . ." Deidara trailed off. "I'll have to raise it. I don't see any other alternative, un."

"Don't worry, Deidara. I'll help, if it comes to that."

"Thank you, un," Deidara whispered it so softly Tobi almost didn't hear it. But once he caught it, he smiled, tugging Deidara a bit closer to him.

* * *

"Well, hopefully this will be it, un," Deidara said as he ran the doorbell. The 'definitely gay' man had called back, and told them he and his partner were interested in meeting with Deidara. So now, on the weekend, they were at a nice house, with trimmed bushes, and smartly painted sides. And now the door was opened, and in a moment, everything was changed.

"Uzumaki? Deidara?"

"Kakashi-sensei?!" Deidara's jaw fell rudely open, his eyes going about as big as saucers. Tobi tried to regain his composure. Kakashi stared for a moment, then leaned back into the house. "Iruka! What the hell is going on?"

"What?" A shorter man was suddenly there. "You must be Deidara-san," he said warmly, extending a hand.

"Iruka! He's a student of mine!"

"Oh really? Well isn't that quaint. Small world, ain't it? Now come on in, it's cold out there," Iruka stepped back, pulling Kakashi with him. Deidara stepped in, still completely shocked. Tobi followed him, and they both slipped off their shoes in an awkward silence. Iruka led them into a cute little living room, sitting them both down on a white couch with a flower pattern. On the couch facing it, a man was already seated. "This would be our lawyer, Mizuki-san." The man inclined his head slightly. "Go on, have a seat. The couch won't eat you." By the way Deidara was eyeing it, one would think it would. But, with a slight nudge from Tobi, he seated himself.

"Ok, this is just weird," Kakashi said, sitting down next to the lawyer. Iruka sighed.

"Stop sulking. Just because he's a student at your school, doesn't mean we should discriminate," Iruka chided. He then turned his attention to Deidara. "My lawyer has been going over some papers, and my partner and I are interested in an adoption."

"Great, un," Deidara said, still looking around nervously.

"Is anything wrong?" Iruka asked.

"Um. . .no. . ." Deidara said slowly. Iruka glanced at Kakashi, who was slouching sulkily.

"Kakashi! That's rude, sit up!" Iruka hissed.

"We aren't doing this. It's too weird."

"Kakashi! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"He's right, you're not," Mizuki chimed in. Iruka turned to his lawyer, who in turn sank into the couch. Iruka had that effect an angry, cornered woman would have.

"Oh?"

"I've been looking through all the papers. You two are married, right?" Iruka nodded slowly. "Well, unless you live in Africa, you two can't have a legal adoption, unless it's a surrogate mother."

"What? You're kidding! And you couldn't have thought of this before?" Ituka cried. Tobi glanced worriedly at Deidara, who was looking slightly dejected, but it wasn't anything he hadn't expected. But Iruka wasn't done yet. "So last week when I called you, you couldn't have bothered to mention this?"

"I wasn't exactly sure, and I know you can get like a mad cow sometimes, and I didn't want to die that day."

"So you feel like a worse death today?"

"Calm down, Iruka," Kakashi mumbled. "You're being rude to our guests. And I never agreed to adopting a baby from one of my students." Iruka looked disbelievingly from Kakashi to Mizuki.

"You have got to be kidding me," he grumbled. "If you decided you were going to be picky, then why didn't you tell me before?"

"Oh, it's all right, Kakashi-sensei is always so picky, un," Deidara sighed. "He never really wanted anything to do with kids like me, yeah. I'll just be leaving, hmm." Deidara stood up. Tobi sighed, standing up as well. Iruka looked about ready to murder Kakashi and Mizuki, and when Deidara started for the door he leapt off the couch and ran after the teen.

"Deidara-san, wait!" he called, stopping the blonde. "I'm so sorry about all of this. If there's anything I can do. . ." Iruka trailed off.

"I'd rather have my baby raised by someone who wants it, yeah. Kakashi-sensei doesn't even like me, so how can he raise my kid, hmm?" Deidara crossed his arms over his chest. Iruka said nothing. "Yeah, if it were just you, Umino-san, I'd let you have the kid without a second thought, yeah. But whatever, you can't get the kid anyway because you're married, un. Thank you for your hospitality," Deidara bowed, turned, picked up his shoes, and left. Tobi sighed, turning to Iruka.

"He's just been, um, going through a lot lately. Don't hold it against him," he explained.

"Understandable. . ." Iruka said slowly, mind evidently on something else.

"Kakashi-sensei and he don't really get along. There's always been some tension between his group and authority figures."

"I see. . ." Iruka coughed. "Are you. . .um, that is, the child-"

"I'm not the father. Someone else is. But that doesn't mean I can't help out, does it?" Iruka shook his head slowly. "Wow, I don't know how I'll face Kakashi on Monday, but. . .hey, we can all deal. Thank you for your hospitality." Tobi bowed, straightened, and left.

* * *

Kakuzu sighed as he walked into the clinic. He found his way to Dr. Might's office and knocked politely. "Come in!" a cheery voice called. Kakuzu swung the door open and walked in, and the first thing he noticed was that Obito wasn't there. The doctor was sitting in his chair next to the

"Where's Obito?" he asked immediately.

"He didn't wish to continue our session, so he went back to his room. Patients are free to do leave if they wish, though it is not encouraged."

"I see." Kakuzu coughed awkwardly, still standing in the doorway.

"I'd like to have a word with you, if you wouldn't mind," Dr. Might waved Kakuzu closer, setting down his glasses. Kakuzu resigned himself and stepped into the office, closing the door behind himself. He pulled up a second chair next to the doctor. "My goodness, Kakuzu-san, you look like a child about to be scolded. You're not in trouble." Kakuzu breathed a slight sigh of relief. "I would like to talk to you about Obito."

"Oh? What has he done now?" Kakuzu asked tiredly.

"Nothing out of the ordinary or damaging. I don't have anything breakable in my office for a reason, you know."

"I see. . ." Kakuzu coughed. "Then. . ."

"I can't seem to get much out of him. He doesn't want to talk."

"Is he sober? You know, that tends to help."

"Oh yes, I thought of that. I was just wondering a few things about him, that's all."

"I see. . ."

"When, in your opinion, was his lowest point?" Dr. Might asked, looking genuinely at Kakuzu.

"I'd say. . .when he was a Sophomore." Kakuzu stopped speaking, glancing at the doctor.

"Any particular event?" Dr. Might's voice was soft and light, completely open and friendly.

"He. . .tried to kill himself. You probably know all about that."

"No, actually, I only heard that he had a suicide attempt. I don't know anything else." Dr. Might leaned forward slightly, looking interested. Kakuzu sighed.

"He was a Sophomore, and I was a Junior. He- well, I should explain that our father has a gun. He kept it loaded, but so far nothing bad had happened. I knew where it was, but I never thought to unload it, or hide it, or do anything. So it was really my fault when Obito got a hold of it and brought it to school. I really should have known, that day I didn't have to get him out of bed, and he didn't complain about going to school, so I should've known something was up. But- well, I guess I just wanted to think things were better. So we got to school, and he waited until lunch before making a scene. In the middle of the cafeteria, he jumped up on a table and held the gun to his head. He said a lot of weird things, I don't know if he had smoked anything, but he threatened to shoot." Kakuzu took a deep breath.

"What happened?" Dr. Might asked after giving Kakuzu a moment to breath.

"He didn't shoot. I don't know if he would've, but someone had the sense to talk to him and distract him enough."

"Who would that be?"

"A friend of mine by the name of Deidara. He talked to him about random things, and got him to put down the gun. I grabbed the gun, so he couldn't hurt himself, but after that they kicked him out of school. Well, since he had already turned in his drop out application, it wasn't really kicking him out, more of just accepting it. He didn't try to kill himself after that, but I had no clue where he went. He was getting high somewhere, or what. I looked for him all over, but I could never find him. Finally, about two weeks later, I found him in some alley, completely out of it. That's when I admitted him to this. . .clinic."

"I see. Who do you think Obito respects the most?"

"Respects? No one." Kakuzu was dead sure in his answer.

"Ah. Tell me, Kakuzu, why you would go to such lengths for your brother? I'm sure your money is needed elsewhere, like in saving for school or such."

"My money isn't needed anywhere else, Sir. He's my brother, and I let this happen to him. I didn't take good enough care of him before, and now I have to make it up. It's my fault he can't go an hour without his fix, or can't hold a civilized conversation with someone, and dropped out. It's my fault he's such a mess."

"If you don't mind another probing question, but I am quite curious by nature, but why is it your fault?" Dr. Might asked. Kakuzu sighed.

"If I had just gone the extra mile and taken better care of him, kept him on a tighter leash or something. I should've called the police on my parents, gotten Obito help sooner. I should've drawn attention to our situation instead of keeping quiet and handling it on my own," Kakuzu explained. He sighed, leaning back in his seat. "There's just so much I could've done, it's shameful."

"On the contrary," Dr. Might said slowly, "I think you've done an exquisite job."

"How would you know? I've managed to fuck up every little detail!" Kakuzu growled.

"Kakuzu-san, you've raised your brother for the majority of your life. That's something not everyone could do."

"Yeah, and look at him! He's a complete disaster!" Kakuzu argued.

"Only just recently has he begun to fall apart. You've gotten him help, and kept him out of trouble for as long as you can."

"But. . ." Kakuzu sighed. "He's ended up in a fucking insane asylum! I'm completely responsible for everything he's done! I could've done something, at least, to keep him from doing stupid things! He didn't know any better, and I did!" Kakuzu slumped down in his chair.

"When you look at it that way, then no one is responsible for their achievements. All the credit would just go to whoever raised them," Dr. Might said soothingly. Kakuzu sighed. "Well, are you feeling any better?"  
"A bit," Kakuzu sighed. "Thanks." He stood and bowed politely to Dr. Might. "I'll be back next week to see Obito. Do you think he'll want to see me?" Dr. Might stood up and sighed.

"I honestly can't say. But if it makes you feel any better, you're the only subject he'll talk about."

"I see. Well, I should be going. It was nice talking to you," Kakuzu said, bowing again.

"I rather enjoyed our conversation as well. I'll see you next week, then?"

"Yeah." Kakuzu turned to leave, but once he made it to the door, Dr. Might stopped him.

"Oh, and Kakuzu-san?" Kakuzu turned back around.

"Yes?"

"You're only nineteen. People twice your age aren't capable of doing some of the things you're doing. Good job." Dr. Might smiled affectionately. Kakuzu stood stunned for a moment, before giving a slight not and an 'arigato' before leaving.

Dr. Might sat down at his desk, thinking deeply. It had been a long time since he had tricked someone into receiving psychiatry. But a part of him nagged that Kakuzu had known, at least a part of him, and that part was the same part that was able to be fooled that things were better. A part of him had needed to talk, that knew he needed to vent a little, had allowed him to sit down and talk about things he had likely never discussed before, to save his sanity.

* * *

A/N: Hey all, WhirledPeace here! I need you guys to tell me something: These last two chapters have been a little longer, and I guess a few chapters before were a bit shorter. Which do you all prefer? Longer or shorter? I mean, I know when I'm reading a story, sometimes with the plot it works better with shorter chapters, but sometimes longer chapters are better. I can do whichever ya'll want, so tell me in a review! Thank you for reading! (oh, and if you couldn't tell who the baby's parents are, please tell! I thought I made it a bit subtle.)


	15. Chapter 15

Kakashi leaned against the doorway, watching Iruka wash the dishes. He sighed. "Ruru-chan?" he asked.

"What?" Iruka snapped, not even turning around to face Kakashi or putting down the dish he was washing.

"Are you angry?" Kakashi slunk into the kitchen.

"Oh, no, I'm not angry," Iruka drawled sarcastically, washing the dish with more venom.

"Is it something I did?" Kakashi asked innocently.

"You have got to be kidding!" Iruka snarled, whirling around to face his husband. "Something you did? Of course! The only times I've been angry over the past three years is because of something you did!" Kakashi's face fell at the angry mask Iruka's had become.

"Oh?"

"Yes! Your dog eats my passport, because you left it loose! I'm late for work because you can't find your shoes! I should have known this wouldn't end well when you were late to your own wedding!" Kakashi winced. That one stung.

"I'm sorry, Iruka," Kakashi sighed, bowing his head like a scolded child. "But I don't know what I did."

"When we got married, you said you wouldn't mind having a kid," Iruka said.

"I know. . ."

"And I was so happy when Deidara called! I thought I'd finally get my wish, but-" Iruka sighed. "But you don't want to adopt from a student of yours. It would be too weird."

"Iruka, I-"

"No, you just weren't thinking. Or maybe you didn't know, or- oh! Maybe you thought it wouldn't make me angry! Well you know what Kakashi? It did." Iruka turned back around and began washing the dish again. Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka's waist, pressing his chest to the smaller man's back.

"I'm sorry. . ." he whispered in Iruka's ear. Iruka elbowed him harshly in the ribs, forcing Kakashi back.

"Sorry ain't going to cut it, Kakashi," Iruka growled, turning back around. "Don't you get it? There's a baby out there, that's going to be born that needs someone. Do you think Deidara can raise a kid?"

"Someone else is bound to want it," Kakashi reasoned. Iruka shook his head.

"I talked to Deidara. He said we were his last hope. If we don't take this kid, then he's going to have to keep it himself," Iruka sighed. "But we can't, now can we?"

"Oh come on, that's just silly," Kakashi said. "Someone is desperate enough to adopt it."

"He's talked to about twenty-five interested families. They've all hung up on him or slammed the door in his face." Kakashi stayed silent, trying to think of another reason not to take Deidara's kid. It wasn't as if he disliked Deidara all that much, he truly did have a distaste for Hidan. But it would just be so weird, knowing who the parents were, and having overseen the parents' education. And they couldn't, anyway, because they were married.

"So. . .we're really his last chance, huh?" he said softly. Iruka nodded. "Jeez, this is insane. Iruka, believe me, I would seriously adopt this child. But-" Kakashi sighed. "But it's not possible."

"I know," Iruka sighed. "But the least we can do is help. Don't we owe it to him for having to turn him down?"

"I know. Think of that poor child, being raised by Deidara."

"Kakashi! Is your image of him always going to be diluted by what he's done in the past? Can't you see he's sacrificing himself to keep his baby from an orphanage? And he doesn't expect anything. He's refused financial aid from people who just wanted to buy him off, and now he's going to work his hardest to support a kid he didn't ask for. Would you suddenly sacrifice what little you ever had for something you never even expected?" Kakashi still wouldn't look up at Iruka, looking very scolded. "And will you just fucking grow up? Maybe it's best if we just don't get kids, because then I'd have to take care of two of them," Iruka turned back around, washing the dishes with gusto. Kakashi sighed.

"You're right. I'm being stupid," he sighed quietly. "And I'm not thinking about anyone but myself. So many more people here need support. . ." Kakashi coughed. "So what are we going to do?"

"We're going to help Deidara-san any way we can. And you'd better not throw any more bitch fits," Iruka said.

"Right. Got it."

* * *

"So what do you want to do today?" Tobi asked. Naruto had gotten a ride home with Itachi and Sasuke, so Deidara and Tobi had decided to do something together.

"Hmm. . .we can just hang out at my place, un. . ." Deidara said slowly.

"Sure. Can you give me directions?"

"Yeah. Turn right here, un."

"Ok." Tobi turned right, trying not to think about the dilapidated state the buildings were in. As they continued, the buildings just looked worse and worse. Finally, Deidara leaned over and pointed at a three story building.

"There, that one, un," he said. Tobi blinked, but didn't comment on the poor quality of the building. "I think you can park in the back so no one breaks the windows, yeah."

"Ah. . ." Tobi drove around the back of the house, parking next to an amazingly broken down car. They got out and Deidara lead Tobi over to the back door of the large building. They found themselves in a small kitchen. A few children about eight or nine were milling around aimlessly.

"Deidara-sempai!" one of them squealed, leaping up from the floor and running to hug the older blond. Deidara sighed.

"Shouldn't you be doing your homework or something, un?" he asked.

"Is Deidara-sempai pregnant?" the child asked. Deidara sighed again.

"Yes, haven't we been through this, yeah?" he replied, attempting to dislodge the child from around his waist.

"Just checking. Ibiki-san said teenagers make their babies die." Deidara sighed.

"That's long and complicated, un. Ibiki-san is a-" he caught himself. "Ibiki-san has never been pregnant, has he?" the child shook her head. "So how would he know?"

"He said also having babies is for women," the child continued. Deidara sighed, glancing at Tobi.

"Sorry about this, yeah. Anko has a very short memory, hmm," Deidara said, glancing pointedly down at the kid.

"But Ibiki-san said babies are for women to bear!" Anko insisted.

"I am a woman, all right?"

"But you don't-"

"I'm also a man, got it? I thought I explained this to you, un."

"But I'm still confused!" Anko cried. Deidara sighed.

"Anko-chan, please just let go of me, yeah. Don't you have homework, yeah?"

"It's Friday!"

"Right. So let go of me and go socialize with everyone else, yeah. I have a guest, un." Anko let go of Deidara and ran over to Tobi.

"Hi! I'm Anko!" she cried.

"Hi Anko, I'm Tobi," Tobi said, patting her on the head.

"Are you and Deidara going to go make babies?" she asked.

"Anko!" Deidara cried. "Where are you getting all of this, yeah?" Anko looked down guiltily.

"Some older boys were saying that when two people love each other they got and make babies." Deidara sighed.

"No, Anko, don't listen to them, un. You'll understand in a few years, yeah." Deidara glanced at Tobi.

"Aw, but Deidara-sempai!" she whined.

"Ask Ibiki-san, un. I'm sure he'll tell you all you want to know," Deidara said, smiling slightly.

"But Ibiki-san isn't here!"

"I know, un. But he'll be here to make us dinner, so you can ask him after dinner, yeah." Deidara looked around the room. "Why don't you go over and talk to Hinata-chan, un? She looks lonely." Anko made a face and motioned for Deidara to bend down. Deidara did so. She stood on her toes and whispered in his ear.

"She's too shy. She won't talk."

"Maybe you can find something she wants to talk about, un. And no, dango probably isn't something she wants to talk about, un. Maybe find something you two have in common, yeah?" Anko sighed, as if Deidara had suddenly grown up and gotten behind on the times.

"All right," she Ibikid slowly. Deidara smiled and patted her head.

"I'm going to go up to my room with Tobi, so don't come in without knocking, hmm."

"All right. You and Tobi have fun!" Anko gave Deidara a quick hug before skipping over to a shy little girl sitting at the table. Deidara watched her for a moment then, with a satisfied smile, he turned back to Tobi.

"Come on, un. I'll show you my room, yeah." Deidara turned and walked out of the kitchen, Tobi following him. They came to a rickety staircase, that looked like something out of a building code inspector's nightmare. Deidara, without any hesitation, started up them. Tobi followed, testing each step carefully. They finally reached the second story, and Deidara turned around, quickly climbing up the next set of stairs. Tobi followed him. Finally, they reached the third story. Deidara led Tobi over to one of the plain doors with peeling paint. "I have to apologize; I haven't cleaned up very much so there's not a lot of room, un," Deidara sighed as he opened the door. Tobi was shocked. The room was about as big as some people's walk in closets. It was completely dominated by a bed and small dresser. Though, it looked as if the dresser wasn't employed; clothes were strewn everywhere. The walls were covered in posters of birds and explosions, all except a piece of paper taped to the ceiling. Deidara walked in, kicking a pair of jeans out of his way. "You can have a seat on the bed, I guess, un," Deidara said with a shrug. Tobi picked his way over all the clothes and sat down on the bed.

"Is. . .um, that is, how long has that crack been in the ceiling?" he asked.

"Crack? Oh, yeah, that, un. Uh, since I got this room, yeah. It doesn't bother me much, yeah, but I just have to duct tape it up in the winter, un."

"Duct tape?"

"Well, yeah, cause the snow leaks through, un," Deidara replied.

"Who was that Ibiki person you were talking about?" Tobi asked. Deidara smiled.

"He's supposed to take care of us, un. So far he makes breakfast and dinner, yeah. At least, for the littler kids, yeah. He says once you're twelve, you have to learn survival skills, un." Deidara shrugged. "He's very blunt, un."

"Ah. . ." Tobi was still looking around.

"Why're you so quiet, un?" Deidara asked.

"I'm just thinking. You handled Anko pretty well."

"What? She was just asking questions, un."

"You're pretty good at handling little kids, though," Tobi persisted.

"Well, when I was younger, all the older orphans just beat up on me, yeah. Might as well not follow their example, right?"

"They beat you up?" Tobi asked, shocked. Deidara shrugged.

"Where do you think I learned to fight, yeah? Doesn't matter, though." Deidara sighed, eyes almost closing before they shot open, his face twitching in shock.

"What's wrong?" Tobi asked. Deidara was staring at his pregnant belly.

"It- my baby- moved. . ." Deidara trailed off, a sort of enraptured expression on his face. Tobi looked at Deidara's stomach as well. Deidara looked up and grabbed Tobi's hand, placing it smoothly on his swollen gut. Tobi was a bit surprised, but then he felt a soft pushing against his palm.

"Wow. . ." Tobi breathed. Deidara didn't say anything, his hand silently sliding off Tobi's. Tobi glanced up in shock. Deidara was looking down, small tears sliding down his cheeks. "Deidara, what's wrong?" Tobi asked worriedly, hand leaping up to wipe away the tears. But more just kept leaking out of Deidara's gorgeous blue eyes.

"I- it's the hormones-" Deidara whispered choppily. Taking a shuddering breath, he calmed himself. "What am I doing to this kid, un? I just- I want it to be happy, yeah. It can't be happy if it has to be stuck with me, un."

"What makes you say that, Deidara?" Tobi asked softly. "Are you unhappy, Deidara?" Deidara shook his head.

"No, I couldn't possibly ask for more, yeah." He looked into Tobi's eyes, and Tobi saw complete sincerity. "But, just by being me, everyone hates me and the baby, yeah. Who's fault is that, un?"

"Theirs. Deidara, you have to stop laying the blame on yourself. You had no idea you could get pregnant, and neither did the doctors. You can't help it that you're left with the baby, and what you're doing is a million times more mature than what anyone else in your position would do." More tears flowed from Deidara's eyes, and small sobs shook his shoulders. Tobi reached out, pulling Deidara against his chest, petting his hair and humming softly, as if calming a child. Finally, Deidara's eyes dried, and he sat back.

"I'm sorry, un," he said softly.

"It's all right, Deidara," Tobi replied reassuringly. "You're under a lot of stress. You needed just a good cry."

"You know so much about me it's scary, yeah," Deidara said jokingly, wiping his eyes. "So I guess I'm going to raise a kid, huh?" Tobi leaned forward, kissing his forehead.

"No, **we're** going to raise a kid," he whispered. Fresh tears flowed from Deidara's eyes.

* * *

Tobi met Zetsu by the back fence as usual. And again, as usual, he fed him. "You take such good care of me," Zetsu said, grinning toothily. Seemed like today would be a good, talkative day for Zetsu. You could never tell with the schizophrenic. "You know Sanin Orochimaru?"

"Orochimaru? Um. . .I think. . ."

"He's going with Akasuna Sasori."

"What?" Tobi leapt to his feet.

"What's so surprising about it?" Zetsu asked.

"It's. . .Sasori! I mean, he could care less about anything! Why is he going with the gay slut of the whole school?"

"Deidara wasn't the gay slut of the school?"

"Hey!"

"I'm only repeating what everyone in the school seems to think. Orochimaru wasn't getting enough attention since Deidara became pregnant, so he decided to do something to win back his title," Zetsu explained.

"I wonder if Deidara knows. . ." Tobi mused.

"Does it matter? Sit back down." Tobi looked around. This wasn't such a big deal. . .was it? "And Orochimaru has expressed an interest in Deidara." Ok, now that was a big deal.

"Are you sure?" Tobi asked. Zetsu nodded.

"Though, of course, Sasori doesn't know," he replied. "Now sit down."

"We have to go warn Deidara!" Tobi cried.

"We? I'm staying here."

"Come on, Zetsu, I'm going to leave you if you don't come," Tobi crossed his arms over his chest. "What's wrong, anyway?"

"Deidara-san and his company aren't exactly people I would like to associate with. . ." Zetsu coughed.

"Zetsu, are you scared?" Tobi asked.

"No. . . what's there to be scared of?"

"Deidara's friends are pretty scary. . ." Tobi said. Zetsu sighed.

"I am not scared."

"Come on then!" Tobi grabbed Zetsu and dragged him to his feet.

"Damn it! Hidan, I am not a shield, yeah! By the time this baby comes out, it's going to be completely fucked up by you guys, un!" Deidara cried.

"But Itachi's scary!" Hidan whined. Deidara sighed.

"Maybe he wouldn't be so scary if you didn't try to get him to believe in Satan all the time, yeah," Deidara said, rolling his eyes. "Let go of me, un! Itachi's not going to kill you!"

"Who said that?" Itachi growled.

"Jeez, Hidan, you really got him pissed, didn't you, yeah?" Deidara said. "I have half a mind to let him get you, un."

"What's the other half thinking?" Hidan asked.

"The other half wants me to beat the crap out of you myself, hmm."

"Please don't," Hidan begged.

"He's yours, Itachi," Deidara said, stepping back. Just as Itachi jumped at Hidan, and suddenly they were both rolling and punching on the ground. Finally, Hidan ended up on top. It looked like the fight was going poorly for Itachi, until Kisame stood up and grabbed the scruff of Hidan's shirt, pulling him off Itachi.

"That's enough," he growled. A bit of blood was trailing from Itachi's nose, and Hidan was beginning to bruise over both eyes, but so far neither of them was particularly hurt. The fight only went too far with a broken bone or two. Itachi, now standing, was giving Kisame a quizzical glance.

"Do you think I can't handle myself?" he asked sharply.

"No! Um. . ." Kisame glanced around. Deidara looked about to say something, when Tobi came up with a protesting Zetsu.

"Oh, hi Tobi," Deidara said. "What brings you here, un?" Zetsu was trying to get his arm free of Tobi's hold, looking like a trapped animal. "And what's with your schizo?"

"Schizophrenics? I love schizophrenics!" Hidan perked up. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"I think people with OCD are much more fun, yeah," he argued.

"Um. . ." Tobi piped up. Deidara looked back at him.

"Oh, yeah, hi," he said.

"Um. . .have you heard about Orochimaru?" Hidan and Itachi looked up, for neither had been listening, and stared at Tobi.

"What about that sicko?" Hidan snapped. Itachi said nothing.

"He's going out with Sasori now, and. . ." Tobi gulped. "And he said he expressed interest in Deidara." Deidara snorted.

"Wow, honestly, yeah. Next thing he'll want Hidan too, yeah," Deidara said unworriedly. "And he's not going to try anything while I'm pregnant, right?"

"Nah, I bet he'll rape you, self induce your labor, and rape your baby, too," Hidan said. Tobi blinked, face paling.

"Oh come on, Hidan, don't be so sour, un," Deidara said, glancing at Itachi. Kisame had it covered, a tentative arm around the Uchiha's shoulders. Hidan turned to Tobi, and Zetsu gave a little squeak before diving behind Tobi.

"So? Got any other information?" he demanded. Tobi shook his head. Hidan turned his back on him, looking at Deidara. "What are we going to do?"

"I dunno," Deidara shrugged. "Sasori's going to get his ass kicked, yeah. But who really cares, un?"

"But-" Hidan sighed. "You know he's using Sasori, right?"

"Well duh, no one in their right mind would date him, right, un?" Deidara sighed. "But if Orochimaru hasn't done anything, I don't see any use in worrying over it, yeah." Deidara was now looking curiously at Zetsu. "So. . .what's with him, un? Does he not like pregnant people, yeah?" Zetsu said nothing. Tobi looked around, trying to find some excuse for Zetsu's behavior.

"He's shy," he said as way of explanation.

"Am not," Zetsu muttered. Hidan seemed less interested in Zetsu than in his boyfriend's ex-boyfriend.

"But what if he attacks you?" he tried. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Don't be stupid, Hidan. When is he going to attack me, un?"

"When no one is around. Oh come on, Dei, like it hasn't happened before," Hidan sighed.

"Oh, yeah, like no one was around, un. Lee-san happened to save my ass, yeah," Deidara replied. "Now that I'm not missing the bus anymore, and if I did I'd get a ride home with Tobi, I'm not alone after school, yeah. And besides, I can defend myself, when the odds aren't stacked against me, un."

"Like he would attack you alone," Hidan said.

"Mmm? Oh, right. . .well damn." Deidara leaned back, still unconcerned. Itachi leapt up and ran off suddenly, and without a sound. Kisame was gaping like a fish, and even Konan seemed a bit surprised.

"Way to go, Dei," she muttered.

"What did I do, yeah?" Deidara asked defensively. Konan stood up, turning her back on Deidara in favor of her twin brother.

"Go find him," she said softly. Kisame got up.

"Right," he said, leaping into action and tearing off after Itachi. Konan then turned to Deidara.

"Don't take Itachi's rapist so lightly, Deidara," she said seriously. "I can't count the times Itachi's beat the tar out of you on one hand, or even both. And now you're disregarding an outright threat from a person who was able to overpower him." Deidara looked down.

"Sorry, Konan," he said guiltily. Konan sighed.

"It's not me you have to be sorry for, it's Itachi. You had better give him an apology once he gets back."

* * *

A/N: Hey all, you said you liked long chapters, so you get what you asked for! And yes, I only did this to get some KisaIta action, and this entire plot device with Orochimaru is for THEM, so you all better LOVE me for taking ANOTHER detour! Jesus, the baby was supposed to be born like, three chapters ago! Ahem. Review please!


	16. Chapter 16

"I want you, Itachi. . ." A hissing voice. Defenseless. Fear engulfing his body. Unable to move. So dirty.

Itachi leaned against the tile wall. Despite the coolness, sweat was beading down his face. The images wouldn't stop. Suddenly, a soft hand was laid on his shoulder. Lurching from his memories, Itachi flinched at the contact.

"Itachi?" A warm, friendly voice.

"K-Kisame?" Itachi stuttered, turning around. Kisame was standing there, arms open and welcoming. Itachi tentatively placed his smaller, frailer body against Kisame's chest. Kisame wrapped his arms around Itachi, letting his hands rest on the lower part of Itachi's back.

"Do you want to talk?" Kisame asked softly.

"I'm not mad at Deidara. . ." Itachi said slowly. "It just sort of. . .a lot of memories sort of came up. . ."

"Do you need to talk about those?" Kisame asked.

"Just. . .when Orochimaru tried to- tried to-" Itachi gulped. "When Orochimaru tried to have sex with me- just- a lot of images. . ."

"I guess I got there too late," Kisame whispered.

"I'm just lucky Kakuzu and you got there at all," Itachi replied shakily.

"Am I. . .did he get any farther than what I saw?" Kisame asked quietly.

"No. . .he just got as far as you saw. . ."

"But that was still. . ." Kisame sighed. "I'm sorry, but I'm no good with words. I- I really wish I could give you more support. But I'm not sure what I can do." Itachi said nothing, simply allowing Kisame to hold him.

"All you have to do is be here, Kisame. Orochimaru might not even make an appearance after the beating Kakuzu gave him."

"But he knows Kakuzu isn't here. But if he tries anything, I swear, I'll give him twice the beating Kakuzu gave him." Itachi sighed, sounding a bit more content.

"I'm just overreacting. . ."

"No. What he did to you was horrible, and only happened three years ago. He left a lot of scars mentally and emotionally, and those scars need to heal." Kisame held Itachi tighter. "I want to help."

"Thank you, Kisame," Itachi whispered. Kisame rested his chin on Itachi's inky haired head, feeling like he had breached a barrier between he and Itachi had been conquered.

* * *

Deidara sat, slightly relaxed, slightly nervous, at a kitchen table. Across from him was Mrs. Uzumaki, to his right was Tobi, and directly to his left was Naruto. And, finally, far to the left, was Mr. Uzumaki. "So, Deidara, Tobi says you've come to a decision on your baby," Mrs. Uzumaki said. Deidara stiffened, glancing at Tobi.

"Um. . ." he coughed. "Well, I can't get someone to adopt it. . ." Deidara sighed. "I'm going to try to raise it, un." He looked around. All eyes were on him.

"Are you sure?" Mrs. Uzumaki said quietly. Deidara nodded. Subtly, he felt a hand on his knee. Tobi was with him. Shakily, Deidara gave a nod.

"I don't want to let it go to an orphanage, hmm. And no one wants, or can, adopt it, so I'm willing to raise it." Deidara gulped.

"Well, I suppose there have been worse parents," Mr. Uzumaki said, looking at Tobi. Mrs. Uzumaki reached over and picked up Deidara's plate.

"You're too skinny, still. You need to gain weight," Mrs. Uzumaki said. Deidara blinked.

"I am? But I've gained weight, yeah. . ." Deidara glanced at his stomach.

"You're growing a baby. When I was pregnant, they kept telling me to gain weight when I was a little fleshier than you. You need weight." Mrs. Uzumaki handed Deidara back his plate. "And I do expect to help you out a bit, if I can. Where do you know you'll be going once this year ends?"

"Uh. . .I'm working on it, un. . ." Deidara sighed. "Once I go to graduation, I don't think they'll let me back in, yeah. I'm trying to apply to some easy schools to get a scholarship for, but I'm not exactly expecting to get in, hmm. I'm hoping I can share an apartment with Kakuzu until I can get some money together, but I don't know, un."

"You can stay with us until you find somewhere, if you want," Mrs. Uzumaki said after a long pause. "I know Tobi's applying to some schools, but if he doesn't get into a dorm, you can stay with him." Deidara was looking slightly overwhelmed.

"I- I can't take advantage of your hospitality, yeah. . ." he said softly. Mr. Uzumaki cleared his throat.

"It's just common sense, Deidara. If you don't have anywhere to stay, it's our responsibility to offer you a place to stay until you can find one on your own," he said, giving Deidara a serious look. Deidara blinked.

"Arigato, Uzumaki-san," he said politely, bowing his head.

"You know, you can call me Kashina-san," Mrs. Uzumaki said.

"And you can call me Minato-san," Mr. Uzumaki said.

As dinner continued, Deidara gradually warmed up to the Uzumakis. Suddenly, though, a look of surprise leapt to Deidara's face and he pushed back his chair. "What's wrong?" asked Mrs. Uzumaki.

"Nothing, the baby was just kicking, un," Deidara said quietly.

"Cool! Can I feel?" Naruto asked.

"Naruto! Where are your manners?" Mrs. Uzumaki cried.

"It's all right," Deidara said. Naruto got out of his chair and knelt by Deidara's side. Deidara guided Naruto's hand, and the baby kicked again. Naruto jumped and grinned.

"Wow. . ." he whispered. Deidara smiled down at him. Deidara didn't see it, but all others were smiling.

"Would you like to stay the night?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked once Naruto had gotten back in his chair.

"Ah, I would love to, but. . .I have an ultra-sound tomorrow, yeah," he said honestly.

"Oh? I'm sure we could take you. It would be no trouble at all."

"But I really shouldn't impose on you, un," Deidara insisted.

"Deidara, I want to go," Tobi said firmly. Deidara stared at Tobi for a moment before nodding his consent.

"Thank you, Tobi," he said, giving a grateful smile.

"No problem, Deidara," Tobi replied. "You'd better finish your dinner. Mom's right, you are too skinny."

* * *

Dr. Might looked down at the few notes he had taken during the past hour. He glanced at the clock. Make that an hour and seven minutes. "So, Obito, do you have anything you'd like to tell me?" Dr. Might asked politely. Silence. "Oh? Well, I suppose you wouldn't mind if I asked you a few questions, then?" Still silence. "We've talked quite a bit about your parents. I haven't heard much about your brother, though. Would you tell me the first thing that comes to mind when you think of him?" Obito sat up and looked over at Dr. Might.

"Messy," he stated.

"I see."

"Messy like his hair. . ." Obito stared off for a moment, before snapping back into reality. "And he's always somehow involved in a mess."

"Would you consider your home life a mess?" Dr. Might asked.

"Of course. And Kakuzu was the one who raised me, I guess, so he sort of made a mess of things. . ." Dr. Might felt anger bubble within himself at such words. But he controlled himself.

"So you blame the way you are on him?" Dr. Might asked, attempting to keep his voice neutral.

"Of course. If you raised your son like he raised me, wouldn't your son be entitled to blame you?"

"I don't think so. I would think he would have to take a little of the blame for not rising above his obstacles." Dr. Might knew this was pushing it with Obito's sensitive psyche.

"So you wouldn't have your son blame you for being an obstacle?" Obito asked.

"I would have my son blame me if all I did was stand in his way and ruin his life. But I don't believe that's what your brother did or does, now is it?"

"Of course that's what he did. His gross negligence let a lot of things happen to me," Obito replied.

"Can you tell me some of the things he did that were negligent?" Dr. Might asked.

"He left me on my own a lot when he was at work. He always left my parents' stash unguarded and let me get into it." Obito leaned back, staring at the ceiling. "Whenever I left, he never followed me to find out what I was doing. He never questioned my friends, or hid my dad's weapons." Obito lapsed into silence. Dr. Might jotted down a note or two.

"It seems to me you're overlooking what he did do for you. Can you remember anything good he did for you?"

"He never did anything. He was always leaving me alone when he was working, and then he'd be too tired to do anything but make dinner, pack me a lunch, take a shower, and go to sleep."

"But aren't those things he did for you? Make you dinner and pack you a lunch?"

"Those are just essentials! He never did anything with me!" Obito cried.

"Didn't he? Nothing on the weekends?"

"He took me to movies, but he was always working. We never did anything just as brothers."

"But isn't going to the movies doing something with you?" Dr. Might argued.

"Yeah, well, he wasn't nice about it. He just sort of dragged me there, sat through the movie, bought me a soda, and then we left. And the shit really hit the fan when he got together with Hidan. As if his whiney friends weren't enough to take up his time, he now spent his free time with Hidan."

"Hidan? Are you, might I ask, jealous?"

"Of course not! But Hidan has normal parents that actually take care of him, unlike Kakuzu. So I don't see why Kakuzu needed to spend so much time with him."'

"Do you mean he had parents, which Kakuzu didn't, or that Kakuzu wasn't a good parent to you?"

"He wasn't a good parent to me, but Hidan had nice, normal parents. If Kakuzu was going to bother being a half-assed parent, he could at least be a half-assed parent for someone who needed one." Obito fell silent again.

"I see. So you feel he was being a parent to someone who didn't need it?"

"Yes! And he was ignoring me!" Obito cried. Dr. Might wrote something down.

"I see. How did that make you feel?" Obito looked desperately into Dr. Might's eyes.

"Like I was just being abandoned all over again," he said softly. Dr. Might nodded.

"So you feel abandoned by your parents?" he asked. Obito remained silent. Dr. Might tried not to sigh. Only when he mentioned Kakuzu could he get anything out of Obito. "I see you're done talking. Is there anything else you'd like to say?" Obito shook his head. "I think we've made some real progress. Would you like me to escort you back to your room, or have a doctor do it?"

"Doctor," he said simply, standing up and going to the door. I stood up and opened the door for him, looking around to see a doctor already waiting with another teenager. Why, I asked myself, to the teenagers always go crazy? I smiled kindly at him as the doctor led Obito off.

"Hello, my name's Dr. Might, or Gai, or whatever you want to call me," I introduced.

"I'm Zetsu," the teen said, his face completely emotionless. He held out his file. "You probably won't like it, but here it is," he said, looking sulkily down at the floor. I stepped back, allowing him into the office.

"Sit wherever you like," I said as I opened the file. The first word that jumped out at me was 'cannibalism'. My, you didn't get many of those these days. As he read on, he found Zetsu was raised by the children of a strange colt that believed cannibalism was right. Dr. might looked up at Zetsu, giving him a warm smile. "So, Zetsu, it seems you attend the same school and grade as my son. Do you like school?" Dr. Might sat down in his chair, still smiling at Zetsu.

"You're disgusted, aren't you?" he asked. "Everyone is, you know. So what if my parents have been accused of eating people? Does that mean I did anything?"

"No, I didn't say you did anything. And no matter what your parents are accused of, you are still your own person," Dr. Might said soothingly. He wrote down a note or two. Finally, an easy patient. "What people have said these things to you?"

"It was all over the papers. Everyone in school, all my teachers, and the neighbors all seemed to think they needed to give me their opinion."

"How old were you?"

"Sixth grade, to about eighth grade."

"What sorts of things did they say?" Dr. Might asked. Zetsu sighed.

"Did you turn the first page?" he asked.

"You seem to have this memorized," I commented as I flipped the page. '. . .in his own blood, written on the walls of the bathroom. . .' "Oh. Did they say the things you wrote?" Zetsu nodded. "I see. Well, what do you think drove you to write on the walls with your own blood?" Zetsu pointed to his head.

"It's in my mind," he replied calmly. Dr. Might glanced back down at the page. '. . .diagnosed delusional schizophrenic. . .'

"In your mind? Does it speak to you?" Dr. Might found himself wondering if one person could be diagnosed with multiple types of schizophrenia. Of course, he knew that, but he'd never really diagnosed someone with all of them at once.

"Not really. . .but it effects me. It sort of, well, I sort of feel what it wants to say."

"What do you think 'it' is?" Dr. Might asked politely.

"I don't really know. But it makes me feel things. Some days I feel sort of. . .light, and others I'm gloomy."

"Do you think you feel this way because of 'it', or because of something that happened?" Dr. Might asked. He was stuck at a very poorly written sentence in the file. 'Zetsu was raised by parents who were raised by a cannibalistic cult. Said cult believed cannibalism was a sin.' What the hell was that supposed to mean? Should he ask? He looked back up at Zetsu who was smiling slightly.

"Catch the typo?" he asked.

"The one about the cult and the sin?" Dr. Might asked.

"Yes, I believe that's the one. I've read my file many times, and it constantly irks me. I'm a stickler for getting the facts right, you know. I can be quite anal sometimes. But they won't let me rewrite it, because they think I'll change things that I don't see fit." Zetsu shook his head at 'their' naivety.

"How do you feel about your file?" Dr. Might asked. Zetsu shrugged.

"I don't feel shamed. It's one of the few places that has all the facts about me, and all are correct, except for that one. Would you like me to correct it?"

"If you feel a need to."

"The cult believed cannibalism wasn't a sin, as many others believe otherwise. They didn't condemn those of their members who partook in this activity, shall we say." Zetsu was sitting upright in the chair, legs crossed professionally. He didn't look the part of a mental patient.

"I see. Well, that certainly clarifies things," Dr. Might said, marking the page with a pen.

"May I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Do you believe cannibalism is wrong?" Dr. Might found himself in a difficult situation.

"It depends," he said. "Hurting anything is something that's wrong. . ."

"I don't like it, either," Zetsu said, grinning wider. Dr. Might got the feeling he was dealing with something otherworldly and above him. And, suddenly, he began to wish for Obito again.

* * *

A/N: Hallo everyone! I know this chapter is short, but this weekend my family is having a sleepathon! We all just sleep the whole weekend! So I might not update for a while, because I have other shit to work on (cough WRITING CLUB cough) but I can make one promise: I will forever hate myself for the fluff at the beginning of this chapter. I'm sorry, but there was no way of ending that without going on a completely different track! I mean, fuck, I can't STOP adding to this plot! I was thinking to myself 'Nikki, people on the internet don't want this much depth. They just want two guys screwing.' But then it hit me: this story is rated T! No lemons allowed! So, yah, I'm giving each character depth. And I need to play up Obito's bastardness for his future role. NOTE: The psychiatrist part is NOT planned! The whole story should've ended CHAPTERS ago! Review please, and thank you for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

"Is this shit on?" Hidan sat back, adjusting the camera, and grinning. "Um, hi, my name's Jashin Hidan. Heh, I'm usually self-centered enough to send you guys a tape promoting myself, but I'm not smart enough to even think about college. However. . ." Hidan held up a picture of Kakuzu. "He is. Heh, ain't he cute? He doesn't like cameras, don't hate him for not smiling. And there's a lot of reasons he shouldn't smile, actually. Here, I'm getting off topic. I actually brought a dictionary to be sure we're clear on the definition. "Scholarship- a sum of money awarded to a student to help with living expenses, study, or travel." Hidan looked up from the dictionary, straight at the camera. "Hmm, well, the key word here is awarded. Who really deserves to get their education paid for? I think Kakuzu does. I mean, you've got to be a freaking genius to be able to get your education paid for, and seriously, Kakuzu bumped the fuckin' grade curve up. No joke! So he's smart enough, seriously. But, I guess, so are a lot of other people." Hidan leaned forward.

"But all those suckers can just give up, because Kakuzu needs this the most. He's never asked for anything. Seriously, I've know this guy for like, forever. He's spent the better part of his life working his friggin' arse off just to support his family, who doesn't recognize him most of the time 'cause they're too stoned. Don't think he does that shit, he's gotten enough hate because of them already, so just drop that idea right now. He pays to keep his parents alive and out of jail, he pays the payments on their car, and he's paying for his little brother to go through rehab. He has three jobs right now, and is barely scraping by. I'm sure by now you've received his application, and know how old he is, but just take a good look at this picture." Hidan held the picture up closer to the camera. "He doesn't look nineteen, does he? That's because he's such a hard worker. And you know what? He is still able to be a genius while working so hard and putting up with all the shit people give him." Hidan paused, gulping thickly. "And I've been one of those people. I know you don't want to hear me go into my social life and shit, but seriously, I should know the things he has to go through, because I put him through half of it. I really don't know why he. . .is still friends with me. He's the kind of person who will just take whatever you put him through without even showing it. He's, like, the best kind of guy out there. And I didn't realize it." Hidan coughed. "Right. He is the one who deserves this scholarship, because he's got the best frickin' grades of anyone ever, has no way to pay for it, and is able to handle any amount of stress. So give it to him or the guilt will kill you." And Hidan reached up, turning off the camera.

* * *

"So, Lee, how was your day?" Gai asked.

"All right. . ." Lee sighed, poking at his dinner.

"Mind telling me what's wrong?" Gai asked. Lee put his fork down.

"I'm doing fine in school, but sometimes being a loner just gets to me."

"If you're lonely, why don't you try talking to Deidara-san? I'm sure he'd be welcoming enough," Gai said helpfully. Lee squirmed. "What's wrong with Deidara-san?"

"Oh, it's just that. . .well, his friends are a little. . .and you know, he gets into fights all the time. I don't exactly think he'd be a good influence on me."

"If that's the case, can you be a good influence on him?" Gai asked.

"But I'm looking for a friend I don't have to baby-sit!"

"Why don't you just give him a chance? You barely know him," Gai said. Lee sighed.

"Fine. But don't expect everything to work out perfectly," he replied. They fell into a deep silence. Finally, Gai coughed.

"May I ask you something?"

"All right."

"If I raised you improperly, or perhaps made a few mistakes, would you hold it against me? Would you blame me if you. . .well, as an example, ended up in a mental institute?" Lee blinked at his father.

"I'd be sure to tell what was my fault and what was yours. Are you over thinking your patients again?"

"Um. . ."

"I'll take that as a yes. There's something you should remember about your patients, dad: they're mentally ill."

"I suppose you're right. But don't judge Deidara too quickly."

"Oh, I'm not judging him, I'm just saying what I've been able to see of him."

"Just give him a chance, all right?"

"All right," Lee consented.

* * *

"Hello, un?" Deidara answered the phone.

"Deidara?"

"Yeah," Deidara sighed. "What are you calling for, Ibiki-san? Are you going to be late, un?"

"No. Something's come up. I'll be there tomorrow morning to make breakfast, at about 8:30."

"Yeah, that would be great, if school didn't start half an hour before that, yeah," Deidara snapped.

"I think there's some heat up shit in the freezer. Cook that, will you?"

"If my baby ends up fucked up because of the shit you feed us, I swear you will never hear the end of it, yeah."

"Just shut up and cook dinner, will you? There's little kids counting on you."

"I was just about to say the same thing, yeah! What the hell is more important that starving orphans, hmm?"

"I'm not getting paid that much for this, you know," Ibiki said.

"What the fuck? Since when did that mean anything, you fucking bastard, un! Do you have any fucking clue what you're doing, yeah? You are the most inconsiderate, self-centered jack ass hell ever vomited back up, un! You deserve to die alone and penniless in the sewers, yeah! The next time I see you I'll kick you so hard you'll never even think about having kids, un! I'll beat you so hard you won't remember who the fuck you were, and when I tell you, you'll kill yourself, yeah!"

"Deidara! Shut the fuck up, all right? Stop being a brat and go make dinner." Deidara slammed the phone down, growling. Ino walked into the room.

"Quite a verbal lashing you gave him there. Is that because you can't do anything?" Deidara said nothing in reply to Ino. Finally, after deep breaths, he turned around.

"I'm making dinner." He trudged off into the kitchen and went to the freezer, taking out some heat-up crap. "Want to help?" he asked Ino.

"Nope. Come on, how hard is making dinner?" She said, sitting down at the table.

"No, not really," Deidara mumbled, putting the heat up dinner in the microwave. There was a long silence between them, lasting about a minute before Ino spoke again.

"Deidara?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you going to do when they kick you out?" she asked softly. Deidara sighed.

"I don't know, un. Maybe I'll crash at Kakuzu's place until I can find a place, un."

"How are you going to take care of your baby if your at Kakuzu's place?" Ino asked. Deidara sighed irritably.

"I don't know, yeah. I just know that I can't let it go to an orphanage, un." Deidara pulled out the heat up dinner and put in another one.

"Why don't you just go to Tobi's?"

"Because he'll be moving out of his parents' house too, un. He'll probably be living in a dorm at a college, and they don't allow boyfriends and boyfriend's babies in dorms, yeah. It won't take me too long to get a place, yeah. Don't worry, un." Deidara put in another heat up dinner. Ino sighed.

"I wish I were at least half as brave as you, Deidara. I really do."

* * *

"Ah! Good to see you, Deidara-san! Who's this you brought along?" Sakura greeted cheerfully, handing Deidara a hospital gown.

"This is Tobi, yeah. He's my boyfriend, un," Deidara replied, taking the gown.

"Ooh, he's such a cutie!" Sakura squealed. Tobi was reminded slightly of Obito.

"Back of, Sakura. You're scaring him, yeah," Deidara said, taking off his shirt.

"You're so lucky, Deidara," Sakura lamented.

"What? You want to get knocked up, too, un?" Deidara asked.

"No, I want a boyfriend. I left my man once I graduated high school, and I've been single since. Know anyone who's looking?"

"If you don't mind hairy old men, yeah," Deidara said, balancing himself on Tobi's shoulder as he slipped off his pants and boxers.

"Sakura, stop pestering him," Shizune ordered. "Come on, Deidara-san, we're just going to perform a quick vaginal check up. Have you been doing those self-examinations?"

"Yeah, un," Deidara said, climbing up on the examination table. Tobi moved beside him, sitting down in a spare chair as Tsunade and Shizune bent between Deidara's legs. Sakura peered over their shoulders. Tsunade pulled on a robber glove and pulled out a cotton swab.

"Tell me if you feel any pain at all," Tsunade said.

"Right, un," Deidara said.

"Have you been taking your vitamins and hormones?" Shizune asked.

"Yeah, un," Deidara replied. "And so far, nothing's happened that's out of the ordinary, hmm."

"That's a relief. I hadn't expected things to go this well, actually. Teen pregnancies often end up with something wrong, especially someone with your lifestyle," Tsunade said. "Hmm, looks as if everything's in order. Do you feel any pain?"

"No, un," Deidara said.

"Ah, good. Any discomfort?"

"Not really, yeah."

"Good." Tsunade removed her finger and swabbed the cotton ball over her finger. "Here, run this off for testing, will you?" she said, handing the swab to Shizune. "I want Sakura to learn about ultrasounds." Shizune nodded and placed the cotton ball in a plastic bag and left. Tsunade stood up. "It looks like everything's going according to plan. You can put your clothes back on." Deidara got off the examination table.

"So have you found someone to adopt the baby?" Jiraiya asked, speaking for the first time. Deidara paused, gulping.

"Um. . .no one, yeah."

"No one?" Jiraiya asked, face paling.

"Yeah, no one, un. So. . .I'm going to raise it, yeah," Deidara said the last part rather hurriedly. All activity ceased, Tsunade and Sakura stopping in their setting up of the ultrasound equipment to stare in shock at Deidara.

"Are you sure?" Tsunade asked. Deidara nodded.

"Even I'm better than an orphanage, yeah," Deidara said firmly.

"I'll be helping," Tobi piped up. "And a lot of people are willing to pitch in."

"But. . .raising a kid it a huge commitment," Tsunade argued. "And it takes up a huge part of your life. Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yeah, un. Not like my life was going anywhere, anyway," Deidara mumbled. Tsunade sighed.

"Well, as long as you're prepared. Come on, get back up here. We're going to have a look at your baby." Deidara, now fully dressed, climbed back up on the table.

"Want me to do something?" Sakura offered.

"Just watch," Tsunade instructed and started explaining what each part of the equipment did. Sakura listened closely, but Deidara decided everyone else should just be ignored. Tobi felt slightly out of place, not being the father of the child nor a doctor.

"You ok, Deidara?" he asked.

"Yeah, un. Just peachy," Deidara replied. Tobi let it go, but he could sense something was wrong. Finally, Tsunade was done explaining the equipment and started spreading the gel over Deidara's stomach.

"All right, does anything feel out of the ordinary?" Tsunade asked.

"No, un. Everything feels fine, yeah," Deidara replied.

"Here, we're getting an image," Tsunade said. Tobi looked up and his jaw fell open.

"Wow. . ." he breathed. Tsunade smiled, the first content expression she had ever really shown. Tobi felt Deidara's hand encircle his, and he bent his mouth to Deidara's ear. "I feel like a dad," he whispered. Deidara blinked. Slowly, he turned to the screen, gripping Tobi's hand harder.

"So that's. . .?" he breathed.

"Yup. That's your baby. Would you like to know the gender?" Tsunade asked.

"Ah, no, un," Deidara said. Tobi glanced down at him.

"What?" he cried. "Aw, Dei-chan, I want to know!" Deidara wrinkled his nose.

"Can't you wait till it comes out, yeah? You won't explode if you don't know, un," he replied. "And besides, everyone's going to draw conclusions, yeah. Might as well just know once it's born, un." Tobi pouted and Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Oh, look! Is that another baby?" Tsunade asked. Tobi and Deidara turned back to the screen.

"What the hell, un?"

"Oh, no, sorry that's my mistake," Tsunade said, smiling slightly.

"Oh, yeah, just give me a heart attack, un!" Deidara growled. "I swear, this baby is going to be fucked up by the time its borne, un!"

"Have you been eating healthily?" Sakura asked.

"Um. . .well, when someone bothers to make dinner it's usually crap, yeah. But Tobi feeds me well, un," Deidara answered.

"How much do you eat every day?" Sakura asked. "You're too skinny, you know."

"They only give me two meals, un. There isn't always enough for lunches, and there's little kids who need lunches, yeah," Deidara replied awkwardly. "And I'm eighteen, and my funding got cut, hmm. They don't have to pay for anything, un."

"Wow, that has to be illegal," Tsunade said.

"Nope, un. They have to take care of me until I'm eighteen, then I'm a legal adult and I can take care of myself, yeah," Deidara explained.

"You're kidding. So they don't actually have to feed you?"

"Nope, un. It's actually only because I'm making meals for everyone that Ino and I get fed, hmm. But I don't have to put up with this for much longer, un. Once I go off to graduate, I don't have to go back, un." Deidara looked away, a light blush covering his cheeks. Tobi looked pityingly down at Deidara.

"You shouldn't be ashamed," Tsunade said angrily. "You should be enraged. I just might pursue this matter. Your whole life has been ruined because of this. Graduation is in a few weeks, and you're heavily pregnant. They can't throw you out!"

"It's legal, though, un. Not like anyone really cares about orphans, that's sort of the reason we are orphans, un." Deidara was looking away still.

"Deidara, why don't you just come home with me?" Tobi suggested. Deidara blinked, quite surprised, although Mrs. Uzumaki had already made the same offer.

"I- I would like to, but who's going to make dinner for all the little kiddies? I- I think I might have to take you up on your offer at some point, un."

"All right, whenever you need to," Tobi said, smiling genuinely.

"Thanks. And no, you can't know the gender," Deidara replied. Tobi sighed.

"It was worth a shot," he said, grinning. Deidara rolled his eyes, and Tobi felt him squeeze his hand a little more. He may act confident, but on the inside he was insecure and scared. But, then again, Tobi already knew that.

* * *

A/N: Hello, sorry for the long wait! I spent all weekend sleeping! Anyway, I've been realizing, I sure don't have a lot of ethniticity in this story. So, I'm introducing a few religions into it. I don't mean to offend anyone, and such, so don't take offense! I mean, I've been thinking about religion a lot since I met my grandmother, because she is just the best! You'll meet her later, I promise! Reviews please!


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: The most fucking hilarious thing happened to me. I was rereading the last chapter, when I spy at the bottom of my screen, a commercial saying 'YES ON POP. 8!' and it took me to a website called '' (if this doesn't show up, don't worry, I don't want it as a link.) For those of you who don't live in CA, here's what prop. 8 proposes: to take away the right to marry between gay couples that has already been granted to them. Has anyone ever heard of irony? A yaoi story by the daughter of two lesbians! XD I almost died laughing. But seriously, NO on prop. 8! That's something we can all agree on, my dear readers.

Fuck. How in the name of all that is righteous and holy could it have PASSED?! REVOLT, DAMN IT!

* * *

"Ah, Kakuzu. Come in," Dr. Might said.

"Where's Obito?" Kakuzu asked, glancing around.

"He's decided to go back to his room. Don't leave, please. I'd like to talk to you." Kakuzu turned back around and cautiously inched into the room. "My, I don't bite. Come, have a seat," Dr. Might said jokingly, gesturing at the extra chair. Kakuzu sighed and seated himself.

"I'm sorry, I just went in for STD testing. I'll get the results next week," Kakuzu explained. "My nerves are a bit frayed."

"Ah. Do you think you might be infected?"

"No telling what shit Obito's infected with. It's best to be on the safe side."

"Oh. I suppose that's true. Well, I hope everything turns out negative."

"Arigato," Kakuzu mumbled.

"I'd like to tell you a story," Dr. Might said, taking a picture from his desk and handing it to Kakuzu. "This is my wife," he said. Kakuzu blinked down at the woman, thinking a little of how she looked like a skinnier, healthier version of his own mother.

"She's beautiful," Kakuzu said honestly.

"Thank you. I think that myself, every day. But, sadly, she left us a few years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kakuzu said, glancing back down at the picture.

"Oh, it's quite all right. My son was only five years old. She had a few mental issues, she was bipolar and had severe depression. It wasn't her fault, of course. I admitted her to this hospital, but to a different doctor." Dr. Might smiled sadly at the memory. "She was so happy. I remember so clearly when she would talk about how well she was doing, and how she didn't need help. But then, that day came, and her doctor considered releasing her. I was so happy, I barely thought when they asked me for a second opinion. When I looked at her file, I saw only the improvements of the one I loved. I gave my consent, and she was released." Dr. Might paused, letting all of this sink in. Kakuzu was staring at the picture still, seeing the woman now in a new light. "She killed herself two weeks later."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kakuzu said, sounding sincere about it.

"Oh no, it was really my fault. What happened has happened, and it was quite some time ago. But tell me this: should I let my guilt keep me from being who I am?" Kakuzu blinked, surprise evident in his expression.

"Of course not. That's just silly. You can't fix what happened by feeling guilty. It's best to just live in her memory, and live your life right now and make things better." Dr. Might smiled.

"I couldn't have told you anything better myself. Do you agree it's best to get over your guilt, founded or not, and just get on with life?" Kakuzu stared at the doctor.

"What do you mean?"

"If I let my guilt effect how I lived, or even how I treated my patients, that wouldn't be right, now would it? I should get on with my life. And I'm saying the same to you, Kakuzu-san," Dr. Might said firmly. Kakuzu stared in bewilderment.

"I have every right to feel guilty," he said. "I messed everything up."

"But what about my situation? I let my wife commit suicide, and ruined my son's life."

"But you didn't mean to let your wife die. You wanted to do something right," Kakuzu said resolutely. "You did your best, didn't you?"

"So did you," Dr. Might pointed out.

"No, I didn't. I could've done so much more-"

"Then again, so could I."

"I let my brother suffer-"

"I let my wife and son suffer."

"I- I'm not a good person," Kakuzu said with finality. Dr. Might chuckled.

"And you suppose I am? Kakuzu-san, just because I'm a psychiatrist doesn't make me a good person. I have my regrets and bad days, just like everyone else. What makes you think I'm better than anyone else?"

"You're not better than everyone else, you're just better than me," Kakuzu mumbled. "You have your bad days? Well my life has been bad days."

"Oh? I'm surprised. What about the day you met Hidan?"

"The day I met Hidan? How do you know about him?"

"Obito."

"Ah. The day I met Hidan was actually a fairly bad day. I met him in fifth grade in detention."

"Oh. What about the day you two decided to get together? Wasn't that something?" Kakuzu sat back looking thoughtfully at the opposite wall.

"I suppose that was a good day. . ." he mused.

"See? Not everything is bad in your life. And you don't have to feel guilty for Obito. Even if he had the most love and tender care at home, he would still wind up here sooner or later. There are problems that just can't be prevented. And personally, I think you've done a fine job, despite where he's ended up. Once things got serious, you knew to get help." Kakuze remained silent for a long minute, thinking hard.

"So you're saying that no one could've prevented this?" he asked. "But you can't try to tell me the drugs didn't speed everything along."

"But you didn't give him a drug addiction. And once you realized what was going on, you tried to stop everything. You lay far too much blame on yourself, Kakuzu-san." Kakuzu sighed, standing up.

"It's been nice talking to you, but I'm late as it is. Arigato, Might-san," he said, bowing and turning.

"Kakuzu-san?"

"Yes?"

"How do you feel?"

"A bit better. And not as guilty," Kakuzu admitted. "Take good care of my brother?"

"The best."

* * *

Hidan was about to storm into the kitchen and demand food, when something he heard made him stop and press his ear to the door.

"How many more excuses can we get?" Mrs. Jashin was asking.

"If we tell him the truth, can he honestly disagree with us?" Mr. Jashin asked.

"He just doesn't see the real impact of it all," Mrs. Jashin sighed. "But I won't stand for my son to date a Muslim." Hidan gasped.

"True. I wish he would settle for a nice, pretty, Catholic girl."

"But as long as he has his heart set on Kakuzu-san, we're going to have to continue to say no. Why don't we just send him to a far away Christian school?"

"That sounds lovely. And of course he'll say yes, who would pass up a chance at education? I heard there's a wonderful school in America called 'Regent Law School'. They're quite strict, and their beliefs on homosexuality would surely send Hidan to the right side," Mr. Jashin sighed.

"This sounds like a very good idea." Suddenly, Hidan burst into the kitchen.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded.

"Oh, Hidan sweetie!" Mrs. Jashin cried, rushing over to him. "What ever is the matter?"

"How can you just sit there and admit you hate Kakuzu because of his religion! It's disgusting!" Hidan screamed.

"Oh, Hidan, it's only for your own good. You'll thank us sooner or later-"

"How can you say that?" Hidan screamed, pushing his mother away. In the heat of the moment, he ran to the door and outside, finding the summer rain from earlier still coming down hard. Without another thought he began to run, knowing where he was going, but not exactly why or how.

* * *

Kakuzu was, in all honesty, having a quiet evening. He was actually off that night, and laying on his couch and reading a book he got from the library. And then there came a frantic knocking at his door. Kakuzu sighed, going through a mental list of all the bills he paid as he got off the couch. Yes, he had paid all of them, what. . .? Kakuzu opened the door and stared down at Hidan. He didn't bother questioning Hidan, simply dragging him into the apartment and shutting the door behind him. He led Hidan to the bathroom, grabbing a towel and throwing it over him, rubbing the water out of Hidan's hair. "Kakuzu!" Hidan cried.

"\What the hell are you doing here?" Kakuzu asked.

"I was about to- mmf!"

"Was that your mouth?"

"Umf! Yeah, dumb ass!"

"I'm drying you off, I can't help it if your mouth was open."

"You're the one who asked the question, smart ass!"

"Keep your mouth shut, then, until I finish this." Kakuzu wrapped the towel around Hidan's shoulders. He then lead Hidan to the small table, sitting him down. "Can I get you anything? Coffee?"

"No," Hidan mumbled.

"Oh? Nothing?"'

"I know you don't have anything except for coffee, Kakuzu, so stop pretending." Kakuzu fell silent, slipping back to the table and sitting down next to Hidan. "Kakuzu, I'm sorry. I know I've said a lot of mean things to you, but. . ." Hidan trailed off, coughing awkwardly. "But I didn't mean to be mean to you. I mean, I love you man, I didn't want to hurt you, or be a burden. I guess that's why I was trying to get you to be mean back, just so I could justify myself." Kakuzu stared at Hidan.

"Oh?" he asked, not really knowing what else to say.

"Yeah. Um, you know me, I'm not good with words or emotions, or shit like that. But once I started to think about, it seemed like I wasn't doing anything for you."

"You got that right," Kakuzu mumbled.

"But you still stayed put. You never pushed me away or got mad at me. God, Kakuzu, how can I make this more clear? Even when I was pushing you away, it was only 'cause I wanted you to stay with me," Hidan almost whispered the last part, looking down. "I'm feeling really guilty. I mean, I am always asking things of you, and you're not even saying a word. I think it's about time I listened to you." Kakuzu was staring at Hidan, as if his silvery haired boyfriend had stood atop a mountain and struck him down with a lightning bolt.

"What's brought this on all of a sudden?" he asked, still not believing the maturity Hidan was showing. "Have you been talking to Konan?"

"Do you have that little faith in me?"

"Oh yes, quite. Was it Deidara being hormonal and philosophical at the same time?"

". . .it was my parents. I know the real reason they don't like you."

"Oh?" Kakuzu quirked an eyebrow, mentally going over all that had just happened. Hidan was being sweet. Sure, he could handle a blow to his self-esteem.

"Yeah. It's because you're Muslim," Hidan replies softly. Kakuzu snorted.

"Oh, right, the devout Catholics with their Satanist son don't like a Muslim," he said. "Where did they even find out, anyway?"

"Well, you do sort of wear that. . .um. . ."

"Keffiyeh?"

"Um, yeah," Hidan said awkwardly, glancing at Kakuzu's keffiyeh. Kakuzu sighed again.

"The world stopped spinning today, didn't it?" he asked.

"They were talking about sending me to America," Hidan said softly. "I didn't think they were that. . .well, you know, desperate or. . ."

"I know, you keep thinking your parents don't want you around someone who's exposed to drugs, and then realize it's all some religious discrimination. I'm as shocked as you are, really," Kakuzu replied. "But you coming here, apologizing and being sensitive seems a bit more surprising to me."

"Why?" Hidan demanded, teeth beginning to chatter.

"So why come all the way here and not call me?"

". . .I don't want to live with them," Hidan admitted. Kakuzu sighed.

"You can't last two more weeks?" he asked.

"I just can't believe them. I don't want to be anywhere near them. Please, just let me stay with you," Hidan pleaded. Kakuzu blinked at him. Hidan, seeing the answer might be no, got up from his chair and sat on Kakuzu's lap, facing him and straddling his waist. Kakuzu still didn't react. "Kuzu?" Hidan asked, pressing his forehead to Kakuzu's. Kakuzu's green eyes were bloodshot enough to make them look nearly green and pink, instead of white. His keffiyeh covered his mouth, so Hidan couldn't even guess what he was thinking. "I want to be my own person, not stuck under their control. I'm eighteen, I'm a legal adult. Please?"

"You get half the rent," Kakuzu mumbled.

"What?"

"Half the rent. You stay here, you get half the rent."

"But I-"'

"Then find a job. If you want to be independent, then get a job." Though Kakuzu's words were serious, he couldn't help his hands that had slid around Hidan's waist. Hidan nuzzled his face into Kakuzu's neck, sighing contentedly.

"Sure. I'll get a job," he whispered against Kakuzu's caramel skin. Kakuzu sighed, holding Hidan tenderly.

"You're cold. Go take a shower." Kakuzu let go of Hidan.

"Take one with me?" Hidan asked. Kakuzu sighed. It would save money, anyway.

"I have to warn you, though, it's not very big," he said slowly. Hidan shrugged.

"So? I just want to take a shower with you." Hidan got off of Kakuzu and they both walked the short distance to the bathroom. "You weren't kidding," Hidan said, inspecting the shower.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," he said. Hidan shrugged and slipped off his soaked shirt. Once he was out of his pants and boxers as well, he turned to Kakuzu, who was likewise unclad. Kakuzu walked past Hidan and turned on the shower, waiting for a minute until it got warm before stepping back, allowing Hidan in first. Hidan stepped in and Kakuzu closed the curtain after him as he did so as well. "Um. . .Kakuzu?" Hidan asked awkwardly.

"Hmm?"

"Where did. . .um, all those scars come from?" he asked, letting his fingers brush against Kakuzu's skin.

"What? Oh, those have been there forever. Don't tell me you never thought about them before?"

"I just never asked about them before," Hidan mumbled. Hidan was truly a worse liar than Kisame. Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"I was in the car with Obito and my father, when we had an accident. My dad was obviously drunk. But luckily I got the worst of it, and Obito just has a scar over his eye that healed," Kakuzu explained vaguely. Hidan gulped and pressed his body to Kakuzu's. How come he never really wondered about his partner's scarred body? Had he been that inconsiderate? "Hidan?" Kakuzu asked.

"I'm sorry," Hidan mumbled against Kakuzu's firm chest.

"It's all right, Hidan," Kakuzu muttered, resting his hands lightly on Hidan's hips.

"No it isn't. You keep saying that, but if you really care about me, then you'd be even a little bit offended. How can it be all right when I said horrible things to you?" Kakuzu sighed.

"You didn't really mean any of it, did you?" he asked softly.

"No!"

"Then if you truly didn't mean to offend me, then why should I take offense?" Kakuzu asked.

"If someone else called you a crack baby, what would you do?"

"Punch them out, probably," Kakuzu replied.

"So what's different when I say it?" Kakuzu said nothing for a long moment, simply burying his nose in Hidan's soft hair. Hidan waited politely.

"Guess it just shows how much I like you," Kakuzu said, barely even audibly. Hidan felt like crying. How long had Kakuzu suffered in silence? Of course anyone poking him in a sore spot was bound to hurt, but he wouldn't tell Hidan that. For himself or for Kakuzu he didn't know, but Hidan wrapped his arms around Kakuzu's neck, pressing their mouths together in a passionate kiss. But when he thought about it, Hidan decided the gesture was for the sake of them.

* * *

A/N: review please!


	19. Chapter 19

"I wonder what my baby will look like, un," Deidara said suddenly. Tobi looked up.

"I don't know," he said thoughtfully.

"I mean, Kisame looks almost nothing like his parents for some reason, like with recessive genes and such. Naruto looks more like your dad than your mom, though. . ." Deidara looked at Tobi. "Can I ask you a personal question, un?"

"Shoot."

"You're adopted, right?"

"Yeah, it wasn't obvious?" Tobi said, feeling slightly awkward.

"Well, mostly, yes," Deidara replied, leaning back to look into Tobi's eyes.

"It's not a sensitive subject, we just don't talk about it much, I guess."

"Hmm." Deidara lowered his eyes. "So are your parents dead?"

"I really don't know. But I was adopted at birth, so it's not like I was ever. . ." Tobi stopped himself, glancing down at Deidara. "I'm sorry," he said suddenly.

"Hmm? Why?"

"I don't know," Tobi admitted. Deidara snorted.

"You're so sentimental," he said, smiling slightly. They fell into a companionable silence, before Tobi broke it.

"I've been wondering, actually. . ."

"Yeah?" Deidara leaned his head back again, staring into Tobi's dark eyes.

"Shouldn't we come up with names?"

"Names, un?"

"Yeah, you know, for the baby?"

"Oh. I was rather thinking about one simple, gender neutral name, yeah," Deidara said. Tobi pouted.

"But Deidara! I'm sure so many people's lives have been ruined because of lazy name choosing."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We should choose a name that's nice, not just something that's gender neutral. How about we name the baby after someone?"

"After someone? Does this someone have to be alive?"

"Do you know anyone who's dead?"

"I know someone who's going to be, un. Besides, why would we name our baby after someone, un?"

"Ok, it was just a thought," Tobi said, smiling slightly.

"What?" Deidara asked.

"You said 'our baby'," Tobi pointed out. Deidara blinked and blushed.

"Sorry, un," he mumbled. Tobi got off the bed and sat down next to Deidara.

"I liked it," he said. Deidara glanced at Tobi.

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, it made me feel a little more like. . .oh, I can't explain it. But we are going to try and raise a kid together, so why can't it be ours?"

". . .I suppose. . . Do you have a name in mind, un?"

"Not really. But we can think about it, right? We don't have very long before the baby comes."

"All right, un. Knock yourself out, un."

* * *

Deidara was walking to the parking lot. Tobi had gone to find Naruto and they were all going to meet at the car. And frankly, Deidara hadn't expected anything to happen. "Oh Deidara!" someone called. Sighing, Deidara turned around and came face to face with Orochimaru.

"What do you want, un?" Deidara demanded, making sure he wasn't cornered against a wall. Luckily, he was more towards the center of the hallway. Orochimaru grinned.

"Aw, Dei-chan, don't be so hard on me," he cooed, stepping closer. Deidara checked his options: try to run and manage to outrun Orochimaru. Ok, a pregnant belly would not help with that. He could just fight back against whatever Orochimaru was going to do, but pregnancy got in the way of that. But maybe he could just try running, and see where that got him. Deidara turned his back on Orochimaru and started quickly away. As he predicted, though, Orochimaru caught up to him easily and grabbed his arm, slamming the pregnant teen against the nearest wall. "Don't try to run away from me, Dei-chan," Orochimaru breathed, his breath falling down on Deidara's face. Deidara wrinkled his nose, struggling against Orochimaru.

"Get off me!" he cried, attempting to wrench his arm free of Orochimaru's grip. But being pregnant didn't exactly help in a situation like this. Orochimaru leaned forward and pecked his lips to Deidara's, forcing his tongue into Deidara's mouth. Deidara bit down, hard, and tried to shove Orochimaru off, but all this did was make Orochimaru retreat a bit and give him a slap across the face.

"Don't make this too hard, Dei-chan. Just give in, I know you like me touching you," Orochimaru sneered. Deidara growled and struggled harder, trying his best to dislodge his attacker. Orochimaru chuckled, sliding his hand down Deidara's pregnant belly. "I find this quite arousing, actually."

"Get off me, you sick bastard, un!" Deidara screamed. Honestly, where the hell were the teachers when their students were getting molested?

"Aw, Dei, don't say things like that," Orochimaru cooed, sliding his hand behind Deidara, cupping the blonde's ass.

"What the fuck is going on?" a very shocked someone bellowed. Orochimaru didn't even have the decency to stop, forcing his mouth onto Deidara's again. Deidara pushed Orochimaru, and this time Orochimaru stepped back. He still had a hand on Deidara's arm, pinning him there, but his attention was elsewhere.

"My, what a pleasant surprise," Orochimaru murmured, a grin splitting his face. And suddenly two people were yanking Orochimaru off of Deidara. One was screaming the most vile obscenities he could think of, and the other was being quite stoic. "Kakuzu!" Orochimaru cried, latching on to Kakuzu's arm. Hidan was left to make sure Deidara was all right while Kakuzu tried not to beat the shit out of Orochimaru.

"What was that fucker doing?" Hidan demanded.

"Just attempting to molest me, un," Deidara said, taking deep, calming breaths.

"Would you let go already?" Kakuzu growled.

"Aw, Kuzu, you're no fun!" Orochimaru pouted. Hidan glared, and was about to do something when someone else came up.

"Deidara? Hidan? What's going on?" Tobi asked.

"Orochimaru's being a prick, un," Deidara replied, trying to calm himself.

"And what's going on over there?" Tobi asked. Kakuzu was looking like his self-control was slipping.

"This isn't good," Hidan muttered. "He had to deal with Obito this morning, I doubt he's on a good mood. I'm going to go help him." And with this, Hidan grabbed Orochimaru, trying to pry him off.

At first no one noticed the last person to join the scene. He didn't say a word, simply stood there, looking at Orochimaru and Kakuzu. "Aw, Kuzu, I hear Muslims can only have sex once, and whoever they have it with they have to spend their life with!" Orochimaru was saying.

"What the fuck?" Hidan screamed, kicking Orochimaru's shin. Orochimaru giggled, muzzling his head into Kakuzu's shoulder.

"What's going on?" the newcomer asked, a hint of sadness in his voice. Everyone, even Orochimaru, looked over at Sasori.

"Hi, Sori-kun!" Orochimaru cried happily, not even having the decency to let go of Kakuzu. Sasori just stared, and you could see his heart breaking in his eyes.

"What are you doing?" he asked. Orochimaru giggled.

"A bit of flirting, Sori-kun. Besides, what does it matter to you who I touch or who touches me?"

"God, will you ever shut the fuck up? You sound like you're stoned!" Hidan screamed, trying his hardest to dislodge Orochimaru. Kakuzu sighed, turning around and slamming his side into the nearest row of lockers, crushing Orochimaru. Orochimaru finally let go, but this time turned his attention to Hidan.

"You're pretty cute," he said. "But you have such a foul mouth! I know a better use for that mouth," Orochimaru grinned.

"You bastard!" Hidan cried, pulling back to punch him, but his punch landed on someone he hadn't expected. "Sasori?" he asked. Sasori, wincing, touched his shoulder tenderly.

"Aw, thank you Sasori!" Orochimaru cried, throwing his arms around the redhead's neck. "You're so good to me!" Sasori, sadly, tried to push Orochimaru off. Everyone just stared.

"Are we going to do anything?" Tobi asked Deidara. Deidara shook his head.

"Nah, that's the guy who refuses to acknowledge my existence, and the guy who just tried to molest me, yeah. Just let them kill each other, un."

"Ok. Do we have to stay here?"

"I'd like to, yeah. I'm curious as to how this turns out, un."

"Why are you flirting with him?" Sasori asked once he had managed to detach Orochimaru.

"I was flirting with him because I know he doesn't have wonderful sex anymore," Orochimaru replied. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and walked over to Deidara and Tobi.

"I will never miss the high school drama," he said. Hidan, after looking around, also joined Tobi and Deidara.

"Jeez, they make quite a good couple, don't you think?" he said.

"They sure do. But I don't think their relationship is going to last much longer," Kakuzu said.

"So you would've had sex behind my back?" Sasori cried.

"I couldn't get him that riled up even if I refused sex, un," Deidara said. But then Orochimaru started to make his reply.

"Or in front of your back, or having you join in, or to the right of you, or-"

"What?"

"As I said, no matter where you are, I would've had sex," Orochimaru said.

"You're kidding! You mean I don't mean enough to you to keep you from cheating?" Sasori cried angrily.

"Why are you so mad? I don't get what's wrong with having sex with different people."

"But I thought you said you loved me!"

"I do. And I love Kakuzu, and I love Kabuto-"

"Forget it! It's over!" Sasori screamed.

"Aw, but Sasori, I didn't do anything wrong!" Sasori ignored him, simply turning and leaving. Orochimaru sighed and ran after him.

"Well, that really made my day," Kakuzu said. "How are you feeling, Deidara?"

"Oh, much better," Deidara said, trying not to let his smile show too much. "I'm surprised he has the audacity to even look at you after what you did to him three years ago, yeah."

"He probably either forgot to take his medication or found some sort of drug," Kakuzu said. "Hidan? You spacing?" he asked suddenly, turning to the Satanist.

"I was going to go on a swearing rant, but this is too priceless. Come on, let's get going." Hidan and Kakuzu both turned, waving at Deidara and Tobi as they left. Deidara smiled, shaking his head.

"They've really made improvements, haven't they, hmm?" he said as they began to walk to the parking lot.

"What do you mean?"

"Hidan's gotten a bit more mature, don't you think, un? He's got a lot more respect for Kakuzu, too. But what could you expect? He ran away from home for him, un."

"What?"

"Oh, you didn't hear? Hidan ran away from home and decided to live with Kakuzu, un. But I knew they were too good of a couple to actually fall apart, yeah."

"That's a lot of faith to put in two people," Tobi said. Deidara glanced at him.

"Not the first time I've done it, un."

"Oh?"

"Yup. And so far, I've never been wrong, un." Tobi couldn't help grabbing Deidara and kissing him.

* * *

Kisame sat awkwardly next to Itachi at the huge dinner table. "So. . ." he said slowly, poking at his pork chops. Damn, the rich ate well! "Where did your parents run off to?"

"New York. And Sasuke decided to spend the night at Naruto's. I also gave the cleaning staff the night off."

"Why?"

"Because as long as no one's here, the house doesn't need cleaning all that much. We don't even use half these rooms. . ."

"Ah." Kisame glanced at Itachi. Was he the only one who felt awkward? "So. . . Are you feeling all right?"

"Peachy."

"All right, something's up."

"Is it illegal to be quiet?" Itachi asked calmly. Kisame sighed.

"No. . ."

"I thought as much." Dinner continued in silence. Eventually, they retired to Itachi's room.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Itachi threw himself at Kisame, kissing him passionately. Kisame tentatively let his hands slide to Itachi's waist and kissed back. Itachi separated for air and dragged Kisame over to the bed, pulling them both down on to it. Kisame, realizing what exactly was going on, stopped, looking down at Itachi. "Please?" Itachi whispered.

"Do you think our relationship is at that point? We just exchanged less than ten sentences at dinner, and now you want to. . .?"

"Kisame. . . Do you like me?"

"Yes, but what you're asking for is a huge step."

"Please? The last person to touch me was. . .him. . ."

"Just seems like another reason not to," Kisame said.

"Don't you just want me?" Itachi demanded. "Why don't you just throw all common sense and screw me?"

"I've got morals, Itachi. I'm not like whoever you're thinking about, but I won't until I think we're ready." Itachi blinked up at Kisame.

"Even if I asked nicely?"

"Even if you asked nicely, Itachi. Because if you're not ready, I'm not ready." Kisame got off Itachi, sitting politely on the edge of the bed. Otachi rolled ot his side, facing Kisame.

"What do you think would constitute ready?" Itachi asked.

"When you're not begging me to touch you, and you're able to hold a civil conversation."

"My conversations are very civil."

"You talk civilly, but that's not really what a conversation is, Itachi."

". . .but you like me?"

"Yes."

"And you won't leave if I can't hold a civil conversation?"

"Nope." Itachi sat up, crawling over to Kisame and laid his hand on Kisame's chest, resting his head on Kisame's shoulder.

"All right, then. I suppose I'll have to be more social."

* * *

A/N: Hallo everyone! Who here feels sorry for Sasori? Please tell me! And I have a question of the chapter: How the hell did Deidara fit his ponytail under his hat?


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: SPOILER WARNING! Chap. VI Vol. 1 of Frankenstein, by Marry Shelley. Yes, I'm rereading it, so I just stuck it in where it was needed. Enjoy!

* * *

Tobi was walking down the hall when he noticed a figure hunched over in a corner, obviously crying. Feeling sorry for whoever it was, Tobi went over and sat down next to them. "What's wrong?" he asked. Sasori looked up.

"Why do you care?" he demanded. Tobi, surprised, replied with the logical answer.

"I don't want anyone to be sad, despite who thy are. Mind telling me what's wrong?"

"You should know, you were there," Sasori mumbled.

"You're sad about what happened with Orochimaru?" Tobi asked.

"Wouldn't you be if Deidara did the same thing?"

"I-I'd be sad, but only because he felt the need to do something. Sort of like I wasn't good enough, you know?" Sasori sighed.

"But he was such an ass to go behind my back like that."

"And I suppose that is how it would make you feel."

"What's that supposed to mean, brat?"

"You really do call everyone a brat," Tobi said.

"Who told you that?"

"Who do you think?" Tobi rolled his eyes. "Sasori, I don't get how you can do such terrible things to Deidara and not feel like it was fate when the same things happened to you."

"What do you mean? Is it illegal to end a relationship now?" Sasori asked defensively.

"Why'd you really do it?" Tobi asked, ignoring Sasori's exclamation.

"Why do you even care?" Tobi stared at Sasori.

"In case you don't remember, I'm planning on raising your kid," he said, all humor gone from his voice.

"No one asked you to," Sasori shot. "What fault is it mine if you decide to raise the damn fetus Deidara didn't get aborted."

"How dare you talk about my kid that way," Tobi growled.

"Your kid?"

"Yes, this kid is a bout ten times as much mine as it is yours."

"You can't deny that biologically it's my kid."

"No, but you sure can. Sasori, I don't think you really understand. It's not Deidara's fault he has to keep this baby, the least I could do is take care of him"

"But you're giving up your life, Tobi."

"You don't get it, Sasori. He needs help, and I can't think of myself. I just thank Kami every day that I was given a chance with him. So whatever your reasons for breaking his heart, I can't help but think it was a wonderful thing that he got away from you, and at least somewhere closer to happiness."

"But what about me? I ended the relationship because of stress. My doctor said it wasn't good to be under so much stress and it might give me ulcers."

"Are you sure Deidara was the source of your stress? Sure it wasn't guilt?" Tobi shot. He really didn't like Sasori.

"Guilt?"

"Yeah. Somewhere in your shriveled, black heart you must've known putting so much weight on his shoulders would send you to hell. How can you only think of yourself in a situation like this?"

"If you don't listen to yourself, who will?"

"I guess that's where you have to trust others, Sasori. I don't want to ask Deidara, but I really don't know what he saw in someone so self-centered. I can't help but think it was you that made him think less about himself." And with that, Tobi stood up and left a very confused Sasori, who would never have admitted it, but he felt a bit like he had just lost out.

* * *

"Deidara, come and sit down with me," Mrs. Uzumaki said, indicating the spot on the couch next to her. Deidara blinked in confusion but sat down. Not like he could refuse the first mother he'd ever really liked.

"What're you looking at, Uzumaki-san?" he asked politely.

"Call me Kushina, please," she said. "And I'm looking at baby pictures. See? This is Tobi when he was little."

". . .so his hair has always looked like the rear end of a duck, un," Deidara said. Kushina rolled her eyes.

"You know, I was a lot like you when I was younger. I was such a tomboy."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I suppose I'm sort of like that. After raising two boys, how could I not be?" she chuckled to herself and turned the page. "And now I'm going to be a grandmother."

"Do I make you feel old, yeah?"

"Goodness!" Kushina laughed. "You're quite blunt. But that's all right, even more like me." She smiled affectionately at Deidara, and he felt slightly uncomfortable being in such a family environment. "When I first married Minato, I wasn't ready for pregnancy. That's why we adopted Tobi. For a long time, I was scared to bear my own child, and Minato respected that. But finally, I sucked it up, and it didn't turn out so bad. Working and being a mom is a million times harder than labour, let me tell you." Kushina looked up from the photo album, smiling genuinely at Deidara. "But you shouldn't be scared."

"Why, un?" Deidara asked, mostly out of habit.

"Because you've got us. And I know you have no reason to fear Tobi leaving you. I don't want to say it's from him being adopted, but he craves stability and responsibility. It's what makes him thrive. I don't mind being a grandma, I'll get to spoil your kid rotten." She grinned devilishly, and Deidara decided he liked her very much.

"I'm just a bit nervous about the whole, well, raising a kid thing, un. I mean, I don't really mind it, but if people can't stand the sight of me, how are they going to accept my kid, yeah?"

"Not everyone hates you, you know," Kushina said. "But you're just in a situation where you're around people who disapprove of you. I think once you're out of high school you'll see the better side of people. Just give them a chance."

"Hmm." Deidara placed a hand on his stomach. "It's moving."

"Can I feel?" Kushina asked excitedly. Deidara nodded and moved around so Kushina could put her hand on Deidara's stomach. "Oh, well isn't that something?" she said softly, smiling gently down at Deidara's stomach. "You know, I've always sort of wanted to be a grandmother. I don't have a problem with my boys' sexuality, but I would've urged them to adopt. You've really made me a happy woman, Deidara."

"Hey, don't thank me, un. I was pushing for abortion. Thank the asses who won't let me get one, yeah," Deidara said, but Kushina knew the harshness in his words wasn't meant. He, too, was thrilled.

* * *

"You found a job?" Kakuzu asked, looking up from the papers he was reading.

"Yup. I really didn't expect it to last, I was just using it as a filler, but they really like me and want to offer me a full time job."

"Hmm. Way to be vague."

"I'm modeling." Kakuzu blinked, and because of his keffiyeh, Hidan couldn't see his expression.

"As long as you think it's stable," he said finally.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's stable," Hidan said. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"What's going on with Obito?" Kakuzu sighed, putting the papers down.

"He's at a clinic, and he's seeing a psychiatrist. But I've talked to his psychiatrist, and he won't talk. He's going through withdrawal, and has stayed sober for a while. But he's apparently bipolar, depressed, and suicidal." Kakuzu sighed tiredly, putting the papers down and rubbing his temples. And, for the first time, Hidan saw the guilt he felt. Quietly, he got off the table and went over to the couch, sitting down on Kakuzu's lap. Kakuzu, though surprised, wrapped his arms around Hidan.

"You shouldn't feel guilty, Kuzu-kun," he whispered. "You've done everything humanly possible and above. It's like you were given an impossible test, with no right answers, and you even got extra credit."

"Hmm?"

"Come on, Kakuzu, instead of looking at what you didn't do, why don't you look at all the things you did? Obito's alive, damn it! That's a miracle in itself, all thanks to you."

"Deidara stopped him from-"

"What, like it was your responsibility? Dude, if you tried to talk to him, he would've blown his brains! If you tried to do everything you thought you should've, he would still be unhappy. If you gave him all of Japan, he would still bitch. I know him too, you know. He needs something to complain about, he just can't function without it. And because you were his authority and parental figure, he has to keep bitching about everything you do." Kakuzu blinked, green eyes meeting Hidan's pink ones.

"Thanks. I think I needed to hear that from you," he said quietly. Hidan, without a word, tugged Kakuzu's keffiyeh off his head and crashed their mouths together. Sometimes it took an inconsiderate teenager to say what a psychiatrist couldn't.

* * *

Deidara sighed as he got off the bus, stretching a bit after his long ride. Another rejection, but so what, he told himself. He could handle it. He rubbed his stomach as he started towards his new apartment he shared with Tobi. For some reason, he could handle rejection a lot easier when he was going to a home he shared with Tobi than to a place he knew he was just going to be ignored and told to shut up. And finally, he reached the apartment building, climbing the stairs to the second story.

So much had happened since graduation. Kisame and Konan were sharing an apartment, until Konan finally moved in to her dorm. Yes, Konan, the second genius of the group behind Kakuzu, had gotten in to college with an almost free ride scholarship. Kisame was saving up some money to go to a community college, and had refused Itachi's repeated offers to pay for his education. Kakuzu and Hidan were still living together, Hidan becoming more and more famous as a model. Tobi and Deidara had, of course, moved in together into an apartment together. Zetsu had confessed to Tobi he was forced to stay at the mental hospital until he overcame his problems, but he was planning on doing something with his life once he was better. Tobi had completely supported him in this, after all, it was pretty hard for Zetsu, a bright, expressive person, to admit he had mental issues. And as for Itachi? He was destined to go to business school, but it was only a three hours' drive from the city, and didn't have dorms. Itachi, being the heir to an insanely rich company, had rented a single bedroom apartment in a small town closer to his college. Obito was still as insane as ever, and seemed almost to be getting worse. The only real surprise was Pein, who announced he was going to Europe. "Europe?" everyone had cried simultaneously. Pein had simply rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Europe, because I can afford it." and that had been the last of the matter. This week was his last week in Japan.

Deidara opened the door and stepped into the dark apartment. Suddenly, someone threw on the lights and about every person Deidara knew jumped out. "Holy Jesus mother fucker-" Deidara screamed, eyes going wide as he jumped half a meter in the air. He looked around wildly.

"Wow, Dei, nice reaction," Hidan said, snickering.

"I can't help it if you just scared the living shit out of me, un," Deidara shot. "Who let you all in, anyway?" All pointed to Tobi, who was squished between Kisame and Lee on the couch. Deidara looked around the room, and spotted two people he would've never expected to see in his apartment.

"Iruka-san? Don't you think you should've left the baby at home, yeah?"

"Oh ha ha Deidara, very funny," Kakashi said sulkily. Iruka elbowed him.

"I couldn't let things end the way they did, Deidara," Iruka said. "So I decided the least I could do was help a bit."

"I helped!" Hidan chimed in.

"We all did," Lee said, wanting to get his bit in. Deidara was looking around, quite overwhelmed. Tobi saw this.

"They decided to throw you a baby shower," he explained.

"Oh," Deidara said, realisation dawning on him. "Isn't that for women, un?"

"You're so ungrateful," Itachi muttered as Deidara made his way over to the couch.

"Stay standing! It isn't here!" Hidan said, getting up and grabbing Deidara's arm. Iruka got up as well, along with Kisame and Konan. As they pulled Deidara off to the bedroom, he glanced back at Tobi.

"You coming?" he asked. Tobi shook his head.

"Nah, I've already seen it," he replied. The truth was he would like Deidara to spend some time with his friends.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Deidara breathed, looking around the room.

"It's just a crib," Hidan said.

"But it's like. . ." Deidara trailed off, at a loss for words as he went over to the baby crib. He ran his hands over the smooth wood, marveling at the green bedding. What had he been about to say? 'But it's like, not plastic and white paint.' Did cribs actually look this nice? The blankets were green and yellow, soft and fuzzy.

"Do you like it?" Iruka asked, not really understanding Deidara's reaction.

"I love it, un," Deidara said, a grin splitting his face. "Thank you so much, Iruka-san." He turned to face the small group, and instantly Kisame and Hidan were hugging him. Konan was gracing everyone with a rare smile, looking satisfied.

"There's one other thing, Deidara," she said. All eyes turned to her. From behind her back, Konan pulled out a picture and handed it to Deidara. Deidara stared, completely at a loss for words. Hidan and Kisame looked over his shoulders and grinned.

"Now that's something only a woman could think of," Hidan said. In the picture was Tobi and a pregnant Deidara, smiling happily at the camera. Deidara's hand was on his stomach, and Tobi's hand was over his.

"Thank you so much, yeah," Deidara whispered, still staring at the picture.

"You're quite welcome, Deidara," Konan said, walking over and giving him a hug. "We're all behind you, one hundred percent."

There was a tense silence in the living room. Kakuzu and Kakashi didn't exactly get along, to put it nicely. But Kakuzu was holding his tongue, trying not to say anything that might result in a fight. But Kakashi wasn't exhibiting the same restraint. "So, Kakuzu, how's your brother?" Kakashi asked.

"Better," Kakuzu said, gritting his teeth together.

"He isn't making any more suicide attempts, is he?"

"No."

"Is he off the drugs?" Kakuzu ground his teeth.

"Yes."

"Does-" Kakuzu turned away from Kakashi, looking at Pein.

"So, Pein, where exactly in Europe are you going?" he asked.

"London." Kakuzu sighed. Wrong person to strike up a conversation with.

"How about your parents?" Kakashi asked. Kakuzu turned to Tobi.

"Have you ever read Frankenstein?" Kakuzu asked.

"Yeah. Are you reading it?" Tobi asked.

"Rereading, actually. I read it in seventh grade. What did you think of the portrayal of the monster in the first part, before William's death?"

"I didn't really understand it, actually. What about the creature made him so repulsed after spending so long trying to create it?"

"At first I thought it was because it was ugly, but it shows a bit more than that, doesn't it?"

"Kakuzu, have your parents by any chance been arrested?" Kakashi asked. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

". . . the hell, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I heard on the news that a couple of drug addicts got arrested for child abuse." Kakuzu growled, grinding his teeth harder.

"Kakashi-sensei, I heard a man with grey hair was arrested for child molesting. Was it you?" Kakuzu had expected the response to come from his own mouth, but instead it came from Tobi's.

"Uzumaki! How dare you speak to me that way!" Kakashi cried.

"I'm sure Kakuzu-san was about to say the same," Tobi said flatly. "And if you continue acting like a prick, I have every right to throw you out of my home." Kakuzu stared at Tobi. Pein didn't exactly care, though if it had come to blows he would've been the first. Itachi didn't exactly know what to say.

"So, Kakuzu-san, what were you saying about Frankenstein?" Lee asked. Kakuzu smiled.

* * *

"Kakuzu! Mail!" Hidan called, slamming the door behind himself with his foot. Kakuzu came out from the hallway, walking over to the table where Hidan had slapped the mail down. Bill, bill, bill, a savings account notice that was Hidan's problem, and. . .what was this? Kakuzu plucked the letter from the stack, opening it quickly.

Dear Taki Kakuzu,

We are delighted to inform you that you have been awarded the Mokuton Scholarship. All your educational expenses for the next five years at Akatsuki Business and Financial School. Your books and tuition will be completely paid for, along with living expenses for the entire five years of your education. You are allowed to activate your scholarship whenever it is convenient to start your education. We look forward to seeing you at our school.

Sincerely,

Madara,

Headmaster of Akatsuki Business and Financial School.

Kakuzu stared at the paper, blinking slowly. He read it again. Hidan was standing quietly by his side, waiting for him to finish. Finally, Kakuzu looked up from the paper, still confused. "They accepted," he stated. "Akatsuki Business and Financial School. They're going to pay for my education."

"Ah, good. I thought they might," Hidan said, smiling sadly.

"What?" Kakuzu focused on Hidan.

"I sent in a video asking them to give it to you." Kakuzu blinked.

"You did that?" he asked. Hidan nodded. Kakuzu ripped his keffiyeh from his face and crashed his mouth onto Hidan's, his hands sliding to Hidan's waist. Hidan smirked, wrapping his arms around Kakuzu's shoulders. Kakuzu finally separated their mouths, pulling Hidan to his body and resting his head on his lover's head. "Oh God, I love you," he mumbled.

"God?" Hidan asked, smirking. Kakuzu rolled his eyes, pecking Hidan's cheek.

"You, Hidan, have just done the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me," he said.

"Mmm," Hidan mumbled, leaning his head on Kakuzu's chest.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Well, Akatsuki isn't exactly near here. . .and, well, I. . ."

"You're not coming with me?" Kakuzu asked.

"Um, how?"

"Akatsuki doesn't have dorms, at least not for scholarship students. I'll be living outside Amegakure. You can come. . .if you want. . ."

"I want to go with you. I'll talk to my boss."

"Of course." Kakuzu bent, pressing his lips to Hidan's once more. "Have I ever told you I love you?"

"Yeah," Hidan said, smiling and hugging Kakuzu again.

"So we're going to Amegakure?"

"Yup."

* * *

A/N: The results are in! From greenpanic6: 'Deidara fits his ponytail under his hat with a secret chakra technique.' XD I love that, don't you? Anyway, review please. And I PROMISE the baby comes in the next chapter. And let me tell you, it's one hell of a birth. Review please!


	21. Chapter 21

Deidara gulped as he got off the bus. He had been having strange cramps for the past ten or fifteen minutes, and he was starting to get a bit worried. He wasn't due to give birth for another week, but he was still a bit paranoid. Quickly, he got off the bus and started for home. Tobi was visiting with his parents that night, and wouldn't be home until morning. Deidara wasn't with him because of a meeting he had had with the headmaster of a college.

Deidara almost made it home. He was outside the apartment building, when a cold hand descended ominously on his shoulder. Jumping, Deidara turned around to find himself face to face with Obito. "What do you want?" he asked. Why, oh why, did he end up against the wall? If only he had been quicker about the door, he wouldn't be cornered. Obito loomed over Deidara.

"I need money," Obito said quietly. Deidara sighed. So he wasn't stoned or drunk.

"Obito, you know how much money I have. I can't give you money, un."

"What about for food?"

"Don't they feed you at the clinic, yeah?"

"I left. Look, I just need a bit, like 380 pounds."

"If you want to eat, go back to the clinic, un," Deidara said, trying to inch towards the door. Obito blocked him.

"Just 380, Deidara," Obito pleaded. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"No, Obito. Why don't you go to your brother, yeah?"

"He hates me. He'll just send me back there. But I need to be free! You understand Deidara, as a fellow artist, right?" Deidara's eyes widened as Obito pulled out a knife. "I need to be free. Will you be free with me?" Obito lifted up the knife. Deidara felt a shooting pain in his stomach, the cramps were getting worse.

"Obito, put the knife down," Deidara said kindly yet firmly. "You're going to put the knife down, un." Obito shook his head, messy hair bouncing everywhere.

"No, Deidara. You're an artist too, you understand, right? We have to be free."

"Obito, you can find freedom in this world, yeah." Deidara was weighing his options. He might be able to make it into the building if he pushed Obito hard enough, but if he didn't, the consequences were rather severe. The baby moved awkwardly. Deidara gulped. He didn't know if the people in the building would hear him if he screamed, but even if they did, by the time they came to investigate it might be too late. He should focus on somehow getting over to the door and getting Obito to put down the knife.

"I've tried, Deidara! There is no peace in this world!" Obito wailed, flourishing the knife. Deidara gulped. All right, these most definitely weren't cramps.

"Obito, please, just put the knife down and we can talk, yeah," Deidara said, trying not to show his fear.

"I'm through with talking! Everyone just wants to talk! They think talking can solve everything! Well it can't! It's time for some action!" And Obito brought the knife down on Deidara. Deidara screamed, but the blow never came. Deidara, once he realized he was more or less safe, glanced up.

Kakuzu grabbed Obito's arm, stopping him from stabbing Deidara. Obito growled, whirling on his older brother and slicing at him with the knife. Kakuzu stepped back, narrowly dodging the knife. Obito lunged again, nearly catching Kakuzu on the jaw. Kakuzu, with quick, deft movements, grabbed Obito's arm and twisted it behind his back, pressing his own arm into Obito's neck. "Drop the knife, Obito," he growled. Obito dropped it. Carefully, Kakuzu released Obito. Instantly, his little brother turned around and lashed out at Kakuzu, clipping his jaw. Kakuzu, without another word, grabbed the front of Obito's shirt and punched him square in the face. Obito fell limp, completely unconscious. Kakuzu was about to cart him off to the car, when a whimper reminded him of Deidara.

Kakuzu dropped Obito and walked back over to Deidara, who had slid down the wall, sitting with his legs curled and spread, a look of terror on his face. "Deidara?" Kakuzu asked, and then he noticed the liquid seeping between Deidara's legs. Kakuzu's heart sank, and he bent down to Deidara, wrapping the blonde's arm around his neck and hoisting him to his feet. Quickly, they both got in the car, and Kakuzu drove off, leaving Obito in the bushes.

Deidara was biting his tongue, trying not to cry out in pain. Was labour supposed to be this bad? But as long as he had to go into labour he was glad it was Kakuzu he had with him, not someone who would freak out. "We take a right up here, right?" Kakuzu asked. Deidara nodded, not trusting his voice. It wasn't long before they finally made it to the hospital.

Deidara had an arm around Kakuzu's neck, the other around his own stomach. "Your name?" the receptionist asked.

"Deidara," Kakuzu replied.

"Ah, I have some special orders for you. I'll call your doctor immediately." After a quick phone call, Tsunade rushed down the hall, accompanied by Sakura.

"Oh my, Deidara. You sure know how to do things wrong," Sakura said, giggling. She stopped once she realized the expression on Deidara's face.

"Come on, we can take him," Tsunade said, sliding Deidara's arm over her shoulders. Kakuzu, now being deprived of a job, simply followed them to the birthing room. Quickly, the doctors had Deidara in a hospital gown and on a bed. Deidara was panting, face twisted into a mask of pain. Kakuzu allowed Deidara to grab his hand, digging his nails in harshly as the pain seemed to escalate.

"Deep breaths, Dei-chan," Sakura instructed. Deidara nodded, screwing his eyes shut in agony. Tsunade and Jiraiya bent between Deidara's legs.

"Where's all this blood coming from?" Jiraiya asked. Tsunade bit her lip.

"Hopefully just an abnormal amount of regular vaginal bleeding. It'll stop in a minute or two," she replied. "He's not nearly dilated enough."

"Fuck," Deidara whimpered as another wave of pain washed over him. "H-here, get m-me my pants." Sakura handed them to him, and with shaking hands, he pulled out his cell phone, handing it to Kakuzu. "C-call T-tobi, yeah," he shuddered. Kakuzu nodded and left the room, quickly finding Tobi's cell phone on speed dial and sending the number.

"Deidara?" Tobi answered, sounding like he was swallowing something.

"No, sorry, Kakuzu. Deidara went into labour."

"What?" Tobi cried, the sounds of dropped silverware accompanying his voice.

"We're at the hospital. Think you can make it?"

"I'm on my way!" Tobi cried. "Thank you for calling!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes, smiling.

"Just get over here quickly," Kakuzu muttered, hanging up. Sighing, he prepared himself for the harder call to make. But with the air of a man resigned to his own death, he flipped open his own phone and dialed a number he knew by heart.

"Yeah?" Hidan answered on the first ring, slightly anxiously. "Did you find him?"

"Yes and no," Kakuzu muttered. "See, I found him, but he found Deidara."

"What?"

"Apparently he was armed with a knife, but I don't know what he was doing to Deidara. As soon as I came up, he attacked me with the knife and I. . ."

"Well?"

"I punched him and he fell unconscious."

"Reasonable, Kakuzu. Get over it."

"Right. But then Deidara went into labour-"

"You have got to be fucking kidding! He went into labour?"

"Yeah. So I dumped Obito and took Deidara to the hospital. But Hidan, listen, I need you to do something for me."

"Do you want me to find Obito?"

"What? Of course not, he's an armed and intoxicated suicidal person with no boundaries. I don't want you anywhere near him. Just call Dr. Might and tell him where he was last seen, all right?"

"Ok. I'll call everyone and let them know what's going on. Did you call Tobi?"

"Yeah. He's on his way. Who's paying for the long distance call to Pein?"

"I am. Keep me updated."

"Will do."

"Bye."

"Bye." Kakuzu hung up. He then, taking Deidara's cell phone, dialed one more number that he didn't actually know.

"Akasuna residence, Chiyo speaking," an old woman's crisp voice came from the other end.

"Hello, my name is Kakuzu, may I speak to Sasori-san please?"

"He's in the shower. May I take a message?"

"Yeah, sure. Just tell him Deidara's in labour."

"Deidara-kun? Labour?"

"You didn't know Sasori got him pregnant? That's all I really have to say, actually. Bye."

"Bye."

By the time Tobi got there, things had gotten much worse. Deidara was trying his hardest to keep quiet, but crying out in extreme pain quite regularly. The doctors were rushing and trying to figure out where all the blood was coming from. "Deidara, can you describe the pain you're in?" Tsunade asked. Deidara whimpered, sweat running down his face. "Deidara, listen to me," Tsunade said firmly.

"Ah, dislocating and breaking my arm at the same time didn't feel half as bad as this!" Deidara had long since screwed his eyes shut.

"Piercing or aching?" Tsunade asked.

"Piercing, ah!" Deidara cried, digging his nails into Kakuzu's arm. Kakuzu barely felt it, seeing Deidara in this much pain hurt him much more. Tobi flew into the room, followed by his mother. Shizune sighed, stopping him.

"Just keep calm, Uzumaki-kun, Uzumaki-san," she said, nodding to each in turn. "Deidara isn't exactly fine, but he's going to pull through. Just take a few deep breaths and calm yourself." Tobi did so. "All right." Shizune stepped aside and allowed Tobi past. Kakuzu looked up and allowed a relieved smile to cross his face. He pried Deidara's fingers from his arm and stepped back, allowing Tobi to step up next to Deidara. Deidara glanced up and gave Tobi a shaky smile. Tobi extended his hand, allowing Deidara to grab it as another wave of pain washed over him.

"Shit," Deidara hissed, eyes shutting again. Tobi brushed his hair back from his forehead, kissing it sweetly.

"Hang in there, Deidara," he encouraged. Shizune smiled at Kushina.

"Tobi's quite grown up," she noted. "He's acting like a real husband."

"I wish he would get up his guts and become a real husband. But then, of course, there's the gender issue."

"Ah. I'm sure they'll last, though. They're not the types to fall apart over that sort of thing."

"Goodness, no. It would take a lot more to strike them down. I'll be in the waiting room, then?" As Kakuzu and Kushina both exited, Deidara screamed in pain.

* * *

"Where is the blood coming from?" Tsunade finally sighed. Shizune was by Deidara's stomach, while Jiraiya and Tsunade were between his legs. Lightly, she probed the right side of Deidara's stomach.

"Does that hurt any more than it should?" she asked. Deidara shook his head. Slowly, she moved her hand across his stomach, until he cried out and stopped her hand.

"Right- ah- there," he forced out. Shizune nodded.

"There's something wrong right here," she said to Tsunade.

"It could be the baby," Jiraiya said slowly.

"Let's get an image up of the baby," Tsunade ordered. Sakura got right on it, fiddling with the machines for a moment before an image of the baby appeared on the screen.

"Oh my," Tsunade breathed. The baby had somehow lodged under Deidara's ribcage and get the cord wrapped around its neck, twice.

"I say c-section immediately," Jiraiya said firmly. Tsunade glanced at Deidara.

"We'll give it an hour or an hour and a half. If the baby hasn't made any progress, we'll operate." Deidara whimpered, sweat pouring down the sides of his face. "but first we have to stop this bleeding. Any ideas?"

"Maybe it's the uterus," Sakura said slowly. "Maybe something happened when the baby became an acrobat, it also managed to do something else."

"But if it's really coming from inside, we can't do anything. We'll have to wait for the baby to do something," Tsunade said, grinding her teeth. She had only had one case like this, and that had been nearly twenty years ago.

"It's not in torrents, we can wait a bit," Shizune said reassuringly.

"You're- ah!- just going to let me- ngh- bleed?" Deidara asked through gasps of pain.

"Where's the pain medication?" Shizune asked. "Sakura, could you take care of that?"

"Will do, boss!" Sakura said, jumping into action. Tobi wished he could do something to help, but all he could do was stand there, holding Deidara's hand.

.

An hour and a half later, Kakuzu's phone rang. "Hello?" he answered.

"Kakuzu-san, I need to talk to you."

"Might-san? What is it?" Kakuzu asked hurriedly, glancing at Mrs. Uzumaki on the other end of the row of chairs. Mrs. Uzumaki smiled.

"I found Obito."

"Thank God. Where?"

"Well, um, I didn't exactly find him physically. But I was called in because. . ."

"What?"

"He's been arrested."

"You're kidding," Kakuzu groaned, head falling into his free hand. "You are fucking kidding."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not. He's been arrested on assault and attempted rape, along with possession of illegal substances."

"Attempted rape?" Kakuzu, for the next ten seconds, went through ever curse he could remember in Arabic.

"From what I could tell, almost after you left him he attacked a young woman."

"She wasn't hurt, was she?" Kakuzu asked.

"Not really, she had pepper spray. I was called as his psychiatrist. But, Kakuzu-san, um. . ."

"There's more?"

"Oh yes. They traced your parents. It seems as if they're all going to be held in prison for many, many years." Kakuzu sighed tiredly, not saying anything for a long moment.

"So what else? Are they going to call me in because I knew and didn't tell anyone?"

"Your parents wouldn't be able to disclose such information. But from what your brother tells them about you, it seems impossible that you'll be in any trouble."

"What?"

"I'd like to say he did it out of the kindness of his heart, but he was trying to make the police sympathetic. He told them about you doing everything you possibly could to keep him in the clinic, and how much he hated it." Kakuzu remained silent for another long moment.

"They're all in jail?"

"Obito has been arrested, but they're still trying to get your parents. Kakuzu-san, for what it's worth, I'm so, so sorry. . ."

"Don't be. It was inevitable, I guess. It should've happened years ago, I guess," Kakuzu said softly, voice dejected. "No one has a lawyer, but Obito living in an insane asylum for a few months should count for something. I should probably see him. Has he already used his one call?"

"Yes, to call me. Kakuzu-san, where are you?"

"At a hospital, my friend Deidara went into labour."

"Still there?"

"Of course. Like I would bring him here and leave?"

"No, I suppose you wouldn't do that. How are you feeling?"

". . .rather worried, but also resigned. How about you?" Dr. Might chuckled.

"I was worried, but since I know you're fine, I suppose I shouldn't be worried anymore. And I'm tired. You should be in bed, it's 9:30."

"Ah, I doubt I'll sleep until I know Deidara and the baby are all right."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, there was excessive bleeding and such. But I'm sure everything will turn out all right."

"You seem oddly optimistic."

"Yeah. Wonder why. . ."

"Well, I hope you figure out what it is. And I hope everything turns out fine."

'Arigato, Might-san."

"No problem, Kakuzu-san." Kakuzu hung up, glancing again at Mrs. Uzumaki.

"Is everything all right, dear?" she asked politely. Kakuzu sighed.

"Mostly," Kakuzu sighed.

"You're Kakuzu-san, right?" Kakuzu nodded slowly. "I'm Uzumaki Kushina, Tobi's mother." She extended her hand, and Kakuzu shook it cautiously. Kushina laughed. "You're a lot like Deidara. He didn't know how to react to me at first, too." Kakuzu blinked.

"I apologise if you took it offensively, but I just got a call saying my brother and parents just got arrested."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. They all had it coming."

"I'm sure that doesn't ease the pain, though." Mrs. Uzumaki scooted closer. "But at least we get to meet Deidara's baby." Kakuzu said nothing, but he was greatly heartened by Mrs. Uzumaki's words.

* * *

A/N: I wanted to get the baby borne, but then complications set in! And can someone please explain to me what 'Thanksgiving' is for? No one seems to be able to give me a fucking straight answer.


	22. Chapter 22

Deidara, still immersed in pain, had gone beyond really caring. He just wanted this baby out of him. Tobi was still by his side, wiping the sweat from his forehead and whispering encouragements. Tsunade checked the monitor and sighed, slightly relieved. "All right, Deidara. Just one more push."

"You said that- ngh AH- an hour and a half a-AAAH-go!" Gritting his teeth, flexing muscles he didn't even know he had.

"Good, now just do that again," Tsunade said. Without a word Deidara pushed, more sweat beading on his forehead and more blood flowing from his body. Shizune bit her lip, not liking the sight of so much blood. "Deep breath. Ok. Now push." Deidara, mustering all his strength, pushed. Sakura handed Tobi a wet cloth to wipe Deidara's forehead with. Tsunade looked worried.

"Something's still wrong," she muttered. "And there's still too much blood."

"I still say operate," Jiraiya said. Tsunade sighed, looking to Shizune.

"What do you say?" she asked. Shizune glanced at the image of the baby.

"There's too much blood. It's been too long. We need to get this baby out right now," she said firmly.

"Ten minutes. If we aren't able to get this baby out in ten minutes, we'll operate," Tsunade said with finality.

Five minutes later, everyone but Deidara sighed in relief as the baby's head crowned. "Great job, Deidara. Give it your all, we can see the baby," Tsunade said. With a cry, Deidara did as he was told and pushed. "Good. Again."

"One last push, Deidara," Tsunade instructed. Deidara whimpered painfully and, gathering what little strength he had, he put his all into getting the baby out of him. There was utter silence, asides from Deidara's harsh breathing. "Why isn't the baby crying?" Deidara panted.

"They're going to get the cord from around its neck," Tobi said, heart pounding painfully in his chest. The baby was turning blue. Tsunade, wasting no time, grabbed a scalpel and untangled the umbilical cord. Slowly, the tint of life spread through the bloodied baby, and it let out a scream of triumph, little lungs working furiously. Deidara, still panting, let a small smile touch his lips. His baby was all right. Quickly, Tsunade handed the baby to Jiraiya, who cleaned it off and handed it to Sakura. Sakura then wrapped it in a green blanket, tagged it, and rushed it off to the infirmary.

Tsunade bent between Deidara's legs yet again, and in a minute or so had the blood stopped and the umbilical cord taken care of. Deidara, now having recovered his breath, was allowed to finally close his legs and lie back. He let go of Tobi's hand, closing his eyes and allowing his heart rate to return to normal. Tobi, not wanting to go far, pulled up a chair next to the bed. Tsunade smiled softly. "After a birth like that, he might have to spend the night in the hospital. But I'll let him rest."

"You want to know something interesting?" Tobi said suddenly.

"What?"

"The baby was borne on August 8, 2008."

"And from the sounds of it, Deidara went into labour at 8:00," Tsunade said thoughtfully.

"Let's name it Hachigatsu," Deidara mumbled. Tobi sighed.

"So unoriginal, Dei. But you rest now, we'll talk about names later," he said, running his fingers through Deidara's matted, sweaty hair. Deidara mumbled something and allowed his tired eyes to slide closed, curling up a bit on the bed. Tsunade smiled, but then frowned as she glanced at Jiraiya.

"Is something wrong?" she asked. Jiraiya blinked.

"Can we talk about something in my office?" he asked. Tsunade sighed but consented, and followed her fellow doctor down the hall to his office. Jiraiya closed the door behind them, then sank into his chair. "God, what have I done?" he asked softly. Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I told you Deidara couldn't get an abortion for medical reasons, but the truth is, it wasn't medical, it was monetary."

"What?" Tsunaed cried.

"No one would pay for the abortion, so he couldn't get one."

"You're kidding. Do you realise what you've just done?" Tsunade screamed.

"That's not all. I'm also the same doctor who wouldn't give him the full sex change because of a lack of funding," Jiraiya whispered.

"You're kidding," Tsunade groaned. "You single-handedly ruined his life!"

"I know! What am I going to do?"

"I don't know. But you really fucked up this time."

"I didn't expect it to really matter. But because of me, he has to give up his life to raise an unplanned kid. And now he's dragged Tobi into it-"

"Don't speak about him that way, Jiraiya. He didn't drag or force anyone to do anything. Just think of him trying to raise a kid on his own. He just can't. And if anyone is qualified to help him, it would be Tobi. You can't do anything right, can you?" Jiraiya sighed.

"For once, you're right."

* * *

"Oh look! What a cutie!" Mrs. Uzumaki squealed, holding the new baby. Kakuzu instantly whipped out his phone and dialed Hidan's number.

"Well?"

"The baby's borne."

"Sweet! What's the gender?"

"Um, there's a green blanket, let's just check the tag. . ."

"They tag babies?"

"Yes, Hidan, so they don't get mixed up. It says it's a baby girl."

"Aw! We get a little girl!"

"Yup. Wow, this is so cool. She's adorable, you know?"

"What about her eyes?"

"Still blue. They'll turn whatever colour they're going to in a bit."

"Are you holding her?"

"No, Tobi's mom is."

"How small is she?"

"Pretty small. Just two and a half kg."

"What's she supposed to weigh?"

"Three and a half. But she's early, so it's ok. Hey, today's the eighth, right?"

"Yeah. . ."

"Deidara went into labour at eight."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Shit, that's freaky. Hey, you know what they should name her?"

"Hmm?"

"Nana."

"Such painful irony. Go call everyone, all right?"

"All right. Make sure no one drops her."

"Sure. Bye."

"Bye." Kakuzu hung up, slipping his phone back in his pocket.

"You want to hold her?" Mrs. Uzumaki asked. Kakuzu blinked.

"Uh, sure," he said.

"You have to support the head like that, and then you just hold her like that. . ." Mrs. Uzumaki instructed. Kakuzu did as he was told, and looked enraptured down at the small baby in his arms. "I really hate to be the first ones to hold the baby, though."

"Deidara doesn't care. He'd just care if someone dropped her."

"Are you sure he doesn't care?"

"He's not a romantic, no matter how cute it would be." Mrs. Uzumaki giggled.

"My how true that is," she said. "Do you know any names they were considering?"

"Deidara wanted something simple and gender neutral, but Tobi wouldn't go for it. That's about all I heard."

"I'm sure they'll come up with something, though," Mrs. Uzumaki said. Kakuzu smiled.

"I'm sure they will."

* * *

Deidara had long since fallen asleep, and Tobi was reading a book while letting his free hand stroke Deidara's hair. It was a calm moment, neither of them rushed or stressed, just a timeless, calm moment to spend together. That is, until the door burst open and the last two people who nobody wanted to see walked in. "I need to speak with Deidara-san," Chiyo said.

"Shh! He's sleeping!" Tobi shushed.

"At least, I was," Deidara mumbled, groggily opening his eyes. Tobi sighed. Deidara struggled, trying to sit up. Tobi leapt to his feet, helping Deidara sit up and lean back on the pillow. Deidara turned his eyes to Chiyo and Sasori. Chiyo pulled up two chairs, sitting herself rigidly in one, Sasori slouching in the other.

"To think," she said, voice crisp, "that this entire pregnancy went on behind my back."

"I-" Sasori started, but Chiyo silenced him with a stern look.

"Deidara-san, I shall be the first in my family to apologise for what has happened. Had I known-" she shot Sasori another glare "-I would have provided complete financial support."

"I don't want your money, yeah," Deidara said tiredly, but still with a bite to it. Chiyo's firm expression creased a little more in a frown. Deidara swallowed thickly, fighting to keep his eyes open. "After all Sasori's done, I would kill myself if I were forced to depend on you for money."

"What's wrong with my money?" she asked.

"Depending on you? Hmm, what isn't appealing about that?" Deidara sneered. "Chiyo-sama, I don't exactly hate you, but depending on someone who's treated me horribly seems almost as bad as killing myself, un. I can take care of myself and my kid, without degrading myself to accepting your money, yeah." Chiyo stayed silent for a long moment.

"I see you are unable to be persuaded. All you shall receive, then, is appropriate childcare."

"I-" Sasori started again, but Chiyo silenced him with another glare.

"I feel the need to apologise for my grandson. His reasons are completely unfounded, and logic continually evades his mind. The only smart thing he ever did was end your relationship, as I told him to. And now, it seems, you've gotten yourself someone better." Chiyo looked to Tobi, who blushed and looked away.

"You told him to break up with me?" Deidara asked. Chiyo nodded.

"Sasori-kun has problems. He isn't good to be around."

"Grandma!" Sasori cried.

'Shut up, boy. You do not have permission to speak," Chiyo snapped. Sasori sighed dramatically, slouching further in his chair and looking off moodily. "From what Sasori has told me, you are a clinically proven hermaphrodite. So when is your surgery planned?"

"Surgery?"

"Yes, to remove your female organs?"

"It's not planned, yeah. I'm living with them for the rest of my life, un," Deidara replied.

"I see. And how do you plan to raise your child?"

"However everyone else does it, yeah."

"How will you support your child?"

"However everyone else does, yeah. Work isn't impossible, is it, un?" Chiyo sighed.

"It's quite difficult to raise a child, Deidara-kun. Even with my husband, it was still difficult to raise my son. And raising Sasori was nearly impossible, being a single grandmother. But I was an experienced guardian, and bringing in a large income. How will you pay for the things your child will need?" Deidara sighed, and bit his lip, glancing at Tobi.

"I'm going to help, Chiyo-sama," he said, speaking up. "We'll have two incomes. And I'm sure if something tremendous happens, we have a lot of friends and family that would be willing to help." Chiyo sighed.

"I see. But living the rest of your life, until the day you die, with a child, and barely making ends meet? Is that what you want?"

"I don't see the difference from right now, yeah. I'm still taking care of kids and working my ass off for a small wage, un. If nothing changes, why am I supposed to regret it, un?" Deidara felt his eyelids droop. Chiyo saw this, and gave a final glance at Tobi and Deidara before standing abruptly.

"Sasori. We're leaving," she said, bowing to Deidara. "Deidara, I respect your decisions, and if you need any support your hesitation is your loss." Chiyo then straightened, turned, and left, Sasori slinking behind her. Deidara sighed with relief and settled himself, once again, down on the bed.

"You get some sleep, all right?" Tobi said. Deidara mumbled something, eyes already firmly closed.

* * *

"Wait in the car," Chiyo ordered.

"Grandma-Chiyo, was I that hard to raise?" Sasori demanded.

"You're a brat, that's undeniable. Now go wait in the car, I have business to attend to." In a huff, Sasori shuffled off towards the exit. Chiyo sighed, and turning down a hall, came face to face with the exact person she wanted to see.

"Chiyo-sama," Tsunade said, bowing deeply.

"I, in fact, wanted to find you. May we have a chat?"

"Of course, Chiyo-sama," Tsunade said. "I was just in Jiraiya's office. Let's go to mine." Tsunade lead the way purposefully down the hall to her own office, and offered Chiyo a seat. Chiyo took it, whispering a thank you as Tsunade seated herself in another chair. "What can I do for you, Chiyo-sama?"

"You remember the life saving surgery I performed on your husband, right?" Chiyo said. Tsunade nodded slowly.

"I'll never forget it. He still thanks Kami he was allowed to live."

"I see. Do you remember who's kidney he was given?" Tsunade bowed her head.

"Hai, Chiyo-sama. I will never forget it was your son's death that allowed Dan to live." Chiyo nodded slowly.

"You said you would some day owe me all your happiness. Do you still hold to that promise?"

"Hai, Chiyo-sama," Tsunade said, bowing her head.

"That time has come. I have a favour to ask. You are well acquainted with Deidara-kun, correct?"

"Hai."

"You are going to perform a sex change surgery and remove his female organs, for free." Tsunade's eyes widened.

"For free?"

"Hai. Do you object?"

"Of course not, Chiyo-sama. I was rather thinking the same thing." Chiyo smiled slightly.

"Good. You will perform the surgery as soon as possible. That will be all." Chiyo stood, and bowing, she left. Tsunade sighed, rubbing her forehead. Today had been such a long day, she felt like she had aged a decade. But she had one last task to do.

* * *

"Nana? But that means seven," Tobi said, making a face.

"Exactly," Deidara said, grinning. Tobi sighed.

"I refuse."

"Fine. Why don't we go with something simple and easy?" Deidara suggested. Tobi was about to reply when there was a knock on the door and Tsunade poked her head in.

"Ah, glad to see you're feeling better, Deidara," she said, stepping in and closing the door behind herself. "Um, Tobi, I'm going to want to talk to Deidara, um, alone. Is that all right?" Tobi nodded and got up.

"I'll think it over, all right?" he said. Deidara nodded. Once Tobi was gone, Tsunade replaced him in his seat, looking down at Deidara.

"Were you two discussing names?"

"Uh-huh. Tobi doesn't like Nana."

"I don't like it either. But it's better than Hachigatsu."

"Not even I could name my kid that," Deidara said, wrinkling his nose. They sat in silence for a long moment, before Tsunade continued with what she had come there for.

"It was almost twenty years ago I delivered a baby. It was a lot like this birth, actually. The baby had managed to twist the umbilical cord around his neck, and he had to be borne quickly. But luckily we didn't have to operate. He was a beautiful baby, though borne early, he was healthy and crying normally. He seemed like a vibrant baby to be borne in winter, but that's just my personal thoughts." Deidara, who was still a bit tired, just listened to the story. "But I remember the mother as well. You want to know why?" Deidara nodded. "She was a heterochromatic, meaning she had two different colored eyes. One was a beautiful blue, the color of a summer sky. The other was a deep maroon, the likes of which I'd never seen. And I was sure she wasn't wearing a contact." Deidara felt his eyes droop. "The mother was having difficulties, so I wrote down her baby's name. It was an odd choice, but I recorded it. It was later I learned the mother was out of her mind."

"Where's this all going?" Deidara asked. Tsunade coughed.

"Would you like to know the baby's name?" Tsunade asked.

"All right. . ."

"Deidara." Deidara's eyes shot open, and he stared at Tsunade, not really knowing how to take the news. There was a long, confused silence, before Deidara spoke.

"So what were you saying about the mother?" he finally asked.

"She was depressed, and mostly out of her mind. But I didn't know. Deidara, I'm so sorry. It was my call if she should be allowed to take her baby home, and I let her take the baby." Deidara closed his eyes, sighing deeply.

"So? I still would've ended up in the same place," he said after a long minute of silence. Tsunade sighed.

"I can't help but think I would've been able to prevent something. But you're right, what's done is done. I know this is sort of weird, but why exactly do you need a surgery to remove your female organs?" Deidara sighed.

"How am I supposed to ever get married?" he asked. "I'm technically both genders, so I can't get married as a straight woman or a gay man. At first I thought I could just hide it, and marry as a man, but now with the baby, I can't. But I suppose marriage is overrated, anyway. But dealing with it? Ugh, I don't even want to think about it. It would be so much better to just say I was a man without doubt over everything, yeah. Like, if I could just be one gender, it would make things less complicated, hmm. But whatever, I can deal. It's not like anything's different than when I was borne, un." Deidara sighed, eyelids drooping.

"I guess this is a necessary surgery. I'll schedule it for the day after tomorrow, to give you a bit of time to recover and meet your baby, and the everything will be fixed." Deidara stared at her.

"What?" he asked, mind overloading.

"I'm going to perform a surgery to remove all your female organs, free of cost, the day after tomorrow," Tsunade repeated. Deidara stared at her.

"You're serious?" he asked, eyes wide. Tsunade nodded. With what strength he possessed, Deidara sat up and flung himself at Tsunade, wrapping his arms tightly around her neck. Tsunade smiled, patting his back. He kept whispering his 'thank you's over and over again. And, tsunade had the feeling, the wet spot on her coat wasn't there before.

* * *

A/N: Ok, Nana means seven, and since I couldn't find eight, I just went with Hachigatsu, meaning August. Actually, it's not even a name, so whatever. XD Review please!


	23. Chapter 23

Tobi was staring down at the little baby. He gulped, and felt tears sting at his eyes. "She's beautiful," he whispered. All was quiet around him, his only connection to the outside of the bubble he had found himself in was his mother's hand on his shoulder. But otherwise, he was alone with his little baby. His. The baby had her eyes closed, squirmy body still for once. This was his baby. "Aishiteru," he whispered. And then it hit him. The perfect name.

* * *

Once Tsunade left, she spotted Tobi and walked over to him. "You can go see Deidara now. I'm sure he'd like to meet his daughter," she said, smiling. That's right, Deidara didn't even know he had given birth to a little girl. Walking carefully over to the room Deidara was still in, Tobi opened the door and slipped inside. Deidara looked up, expression a mix of different emotions as he looked at Tobi and the baby.

"You look good holding a baby, un," he said finally. Tobi blinked.

"What?" he asked as he went over to the chair and sat down.

"It just seems more natural, yeah," he elaborated. "Mind telling me the gender?"

"We have a little girl," Tobi said, smiling happily. Deidara couldn't help but smile as well. "You want to hold her?" Deidara nodded, sitting up. "Have you ever held a baby?"

"Ah, yeah, un. You need to support the head, like that, yeah?" Deidara carefully took his little daughter, careful not to disturb her sleep. He smiled down at her benevolent little face, mouth moving on its own.

"I think I found the perfect name, Deidara," Tobi said quietly. Deidara looked up.

"Hmm?"

"Aiko." They grinned in unison.

"I like the sound of that, yeah," Deidara said slowly. Tobi grinned.

"I knew you would. What did Tsunade talk to you about?"

"I'm getting a surgery, yeah. They're going to take out my girl parts for free, un."

"What? Seriously?" Tobi asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Don't know why, but it's really free," Deidara said.

"So you'll be a guy fully?" Tobi asked. Deidara nodded.

"Yup. Can't wait, un," Deidara said. "We'd better make Aiko official, yeah. Want it to be official?"

"Sure." They sat in silence for a while, Deidara just looking at his baby.

"Thank you," Deidara whispered eventually. "You were a big help tonight."

"I couldn't have done anything less," Tobi said, smiling happily. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired, actually," Deidara admitted, holding the baby out to Tobi. Tobi took her and leaned forward, kissing Deidara sweetly on the forehead. Deidara smiled and curled up, letting his eyes slide closed. Tobi smiled and got up, leaving the room to give the baby back to the doctors.

* * *

"No, they haven't decided yet. They'd better think up something soon, though," Kakuzu was saying.

"Ugh, I am so sick of waiting! Can't they just come up with something?"

"Here comes Tobi, I bet they've come up with something. Hey, Tobi, have you decided on a name?" Kakuzu called.

"Yup. Aiko."

"There, you heard it from him. Her name is Aiko."

"Seriously? Who came up with that?"

"I don't know, but I think it's cute."

"Yeah, I guess it is. Jeez, I'm tired. I'll just call everyone and tell them the news?"

"Sure. But be sure to go to sleep."

"Of course. When do you think you'll get home?"

"I don't know. I was rather thinking of coming home soon. Don't stay up."

"Aw, all right. See you soon?"

"Hopefully. Bye?"

"Bye." Kakuzu hung up, putting his phone back in his pocket. He poked his head into the room Deidara was sleeping in, saw Deidara was actually asleep, and withdrew. Mrs. Uzumaki was looking at him. "Tell Deidara I was going to say good-bye, but he fell asleep. And congratulate him for me, please?" Kakuzu said politely. Mrs. Uzumaki smiled.

"Of course."

"Arigato, Uzumaki-san," he said, bowing.

"No problem, Kakuzu. You've done a lot now, you'd better get home and get some sleep."

"Same to you, Uzumaki-san," he said, and turned and left. Mrs. Uzumaki smiled, shaking her head.

* * *

"I'll fucking kill him!" Deidara screamed, leaping at Jiraiya. Tsunade, a partway innocent bystander, couldn't really be bothered to get Jiraiya out of this one. Jiraiya screamed. Tobi, sensing an emergency, grabbed Deidara around the waist, but he was still unable to hold Deidara back. Finally, Kakuzu stepped in and by sheer bulk alone managed to stop Deidara from strangling his doctor.

"Deidara, calm down," Kakuzu mumbled. "You're bound to hurt yourself a day after giving birth."

"The bastard deserves it!" Deidara screamed, struggling in Kakuzu's hold.

"Kakuzu-san, I do believe Jiraiya deserves this," Tsunade said, tone bored.

"No I don't!" Jiraiya cried, backing up from the wildcat Deidara had become.

"He fucking ruined my life!" Deidara screamed. "He screwed up my first surgery, and made me have a baby just because I couldn't afford an abortion, un!" Kakuzu, raising an eyebrow, let go of Deidara, allowing the blonde to leap on Jiraiya and proceed to bash him about the head.

"You know, all the sympathy I ever had for that man just flew out the window," Kakuzu said, standing beside Tsunade.

"Mine dried up years ago," she replied. "By the way, what are you doing here?"

"Just stopping by to check in. I was on my way to see my brother, actually. I should actually get going. . ." he checked his watch, slowly, not actually wanting to see Obito. Sighing, he bowed politely and excused himself. Tobi was looking around frantically, torn between helping Jiraiya and helping Deidara. Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"Deidara, that's enough," she said. Deidara, after one last whack, stopped his brutal pummeling of his doctor.

"I can't believe him, un! I mean, honestly, I'm friends with the heir to Japan's largest corporation, yeah! Money was never an issue, un!" Deidara sighed. Tobi looked at Jiraiya, to Tsunade, to Shizune, to Deidara.

"So I take it Jiraiya screwed up the first surgery?" Tobi asked. Deidara sighed.

"Yeah, un. You know, I've told you about it, remember? The one that completely ruined my life," he said glaring at Jiraiya. "And he also denied me an abortion because no one would pay for it, yeah. Honestly, could one person do more to ruin my life, yeah?" Tobi looked at Jiraiya, a profound disgust in his expression.

"But that's why he's here, Deidara. He's going to be assisting me, along with Sakura and Shizune, with the surgery."

"For free?"

"Yes, Deidara, for free. You think he could actually charge you after what he's done?"

"Of course not, yeah," Deidara seemed a bit calmer after the mention of the free surgery.

"Now you should get back in bed before you really do mess something up," Tsunade said. Deidara sighed, limping back over to the bed and laying down.

"How's Aiko?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Fine, last I checked. She should be able to go home soon," Tsunade replied. "But let's talk about the repercussions this surgery will have. You'll loose weight at an amazing rate, so you'll have to be careful." Tsunade looked at Deidara and sighed. "Who am I kidding? You're the person who couldn't even gain weight during pregnancy. Tobi? I'm going to need you to stuff him like a duck."

"Will do, Tsunade-san," he said.

"Right. Then, maybe, he might retain a little flesh. My God, Deidara, have you already lost weight?"

"Oh this is unfair," Sakura complained. "How can he loose weight so easily?"

"Sakura, this is a bad thing," Shizune explained.

"Have I ever told you that all of you do wonders for my self-esteem, un?" Deidara said. Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"We're doctors, not psychiatrists. Anyway, your hormones are going to go batty."

"Why?"

"Because you'll be missing your ovaries, uterus, and vagina," Tsunade sighed. "Anyway, are you really prepared for this?"

"Of course, un," Deidara said. Tsunade nodded and turned to Tobi.

"Are you prepared to deal with Deidara after this surgery?" she asked.

"Yup," Tobi replied. Tsunade sighed.

"I still don't think you really understand the complications of this surgery. Your life is going to completely change."

"But after all that crazy shit happens, things'll be better, right, un?"

"Yeah. . ."

"I don't really care, then, yeah," Deidara said. "As soon as I can get all this cleared up, the better." Tsunade let a small smile creep over her mouth.

"You're pretty brave. But I guess someone has to worry about you, if you won't," she said.

* * *

Kakuzu sighed, leaning back in his chair. ". . .and furthermore, I expect that they'll let me off-"

"Whoa, hold up," Kakuzu said. "What gave you that idea?"

"You've hired me a good lawyer, right?"

"Well, yeah, but what you did is inexcusable. That woman didn't do anything to you."

"But it's the world's fault for making me like this!"

"The world's fault? Haven't I been doing everything humanly possible to keep you away from stuff like that?" Kakuzu asked. "And Mizuki-san isn't trying to put you in jail for life, he's trying to lessen your sentence."

"You know what? I'm sick of all this." Obito stood up, glaring down at Kakuzu. And then, with a swift movement he ripped off his Keffiyeh, throwing it on the table between Kakuzu and him. Kakuzu blinked down at the garment, glad his own covered his expression. "All these rules, they're so confining! Why do people need structure? As a species, humans are not structured! Why do people keep trying to go against my natural state?"

"Obito!" Kakuzu cried, leaping to his feet. "You're going to be tried for attempted rape and murder of an innocent woman. These are serious charges, and the odds are against you extremely. But yet I'm here, and so is Mizuki-san, trying to help you. Now will you please put your Keffiyeh on and sit back down?"

"No!" Obito shouted, grabbing his Keffiyeh and throwing it on the ground. Kakuzu sighed, turning his back on his little brother.

"I'm not going to even pay for a lawyer if you refuse to be reasonable. Put it back on and sit down, and maybe we can get all of this sorted out," he said softly. Obito growled.

"No one understands me!" he screamed.

"Maybe I know you too well. Officer, I believe our meeting here is over," he said, turning to the nearby guard.

"Kakuzu, you ugly bastard! How dare you abandon me now!" Obito screamed, leaping over the table to attempt strangling his older brother. Without so much as blinking, Kakuzu grabbed Obito's arm, shoving his brother down on the table until the guard rushed over, clamping a pair of cuffs over Obito's wrists. Kakuzu sighed, sitting back down as they led Obito away, Obito shouting whatever profanities came to mind at the only relative who cared about him.

* * *

A/N: All right, I just realized I need a filler scene with a couple besides Deidara and Tobi. Would you prefer Kisame and Itachi, or Kakuzu and Hidan? Jeez, this story is almost over. Was it just a little while ago I was beginning it? Sigh, how time flies. Review, please!


	24. Chapter 24

* * *

Deidara handed Aiko to Tobi, kissing him sloppily on the lips. "See you later!" he called as he ran into the building.

"Deidara, wait!" Tobi called. Deidara paused, turning back to him.

"Hmm?" Tobi reached into his pocket and threw a pink phone at Deidara.

"You forgot your cell phone," Tobi said as explanation. Deidara sighed.

"Thank you so much, Tobi, yeah," he said, smiling gratefully.

"Get going or you'll be late," Tobi said. Deidara, suddenly remembering his meeting, leapt into action and ran up the stairs, doing up his hair as he went. Tobi sighed and shook his head, smiling as he balanced Aiko on his hip.

* * *

Kankuro was having a good day. He had actually had a decent cup of coffee at Starshmucks, and it didn't cost him an arm and a leg, and service today had been snappy. After such a great experience at a coffee place he had come to work to find his brother not there and his father preoccupied elsewhere. Such a glorious morning couldn't be improved upon, until he got the call that funding had been approved for the school. And now, in the afterglow of such a morning, he was faced with the first person he wished to see. "Ah, Deidara-san, please come in," he said, standing and bowing politely. Deidara came in, slightly out of breath, and slouched into a seat.

"Sorry, yeah, I had to run, un," Deidara explained.

"No problem. Now, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?" Kankuro said, attempting to be polite and not scare Deidara off.

"Not much to tell, yeah," Deidara replied. "You already know I'm an orphan, yeah."

"When I first called a friend of yours told me you were in surgery. What surgery was that?" Kankuro asked.

"A sex change, yeah," Deidara said without thinking. Kankuro's jaw fell open. The man before him, he had thought, was a work of art. Kankuro liked looking at pretty people, no matter what gender. But to think it was artificial! "Ah, that sounded wrong, yeah. I was born as both genders, and only just recently had my girl bits removed, yeah," Deidara elaborated. Kankuro relaxed.

"Ah, that makes more sense. Who are you living with currently?"

"Oh, an apartment with my boyfriend and daughter, yeah," Deidara said. Kankuro blinked in stark confusion.

"Daughter?" he asked. Deidara sighed, and was about to reply when a woman entered the room.

"Kankuro, stop being prejudice. If everyone hated kids like you do, the world would end," she said, sitting herself on Kankuro's desk. Kankuro glared at her.

"Hi, you must be Deidara-san. I'm Temari, Kankuro's older sister." Temari smiled friendlily. "Anyway, what were you saying about your daughter?"

"Well, um, it's a rather complicated, bloody, messy story, yeah," Deidara said awkwardly. Now that he knew Kankuro didn't like kids, he felt a bit more awkward.

"We've got time," Temari said, waving a hand. "Don't mind him, Kankuro's just a brat," she said, bopping her brother on the head. Kankuro sulked.

"Am not," he mumbled. Temari ignored him.

"So how old is your daughter?"

"Um, about a week, yeah," Deidara said.

"Oh really? How cute. Did you give birth to her, or did another woman?" Temari asked.

"I'm not a woman, yeah," Deidara said.

"I know, but you were, weren't you? At least partly?"

"Uh, yeah, I gave birth to her, un," Deidara said awkwardly. Temari thought for a moment.

"So I suppose you wouldn't want to live in the dorms, then?" she asked. Deidara blinked.

"I'm not here to apply, yeah," he said. "I'm here to negotiate you buying my painting, un." Temari and Kankuro glanced at each other.

"So you don't want to attend our school?" she asked.

"Well, I would love to, but I don't have the money, un," Deidara replied.

"But we would pay," Kankuro said.

"Deidara, it would be very beneficial for both you and the school if you attended," Temari said. Deidara sighed, slouching further in his seat.

"Look, I am deeply honoured by your offer, but I can't make a living as an artist, yeah. How am I supposed to raise a kid by painting?" Temari and Kankuro looked at each other again.

"Deidara, I don't think you quite get it," Temari said. "Allow me to explain. We want you to attend our school, because we believe you can, in fact, make a living out of this. Quite a handsome one, if we're any judges. If you graduate from our school and become a great artist, it could have no negative effects on our school, to say the least. And let's face it, we're a small, new school that could use a bit of fame." Deidara stared at Temari.

"We're talking about that painting, right?" he asked after a long pause. Temari sighed.

"Deidara-san, your painting was the best painting we've seen in a long time," she said.

"I painted that shit in junior high," Deidara said. "I was just hoping to sell it, un."

"You're kidding!" Temari cried excitedly. "Have you done anything recently we could see?" Deidara nodded slowly.

"Sort of, yeah. . ." he said, trailing off.

"What?" Kankuro asked.

"Well, it's not exactly for sale, yeah. My boyfriend wanted to keep it, un."

"We don't want to buy it, Deidara, we want a sample of your work so we're able to gauge your skill and give you a proper education." Deidara was looking around for the hidden camera.

"This has to be a joke, un," Deidara said. "No one would pay for someone else's education unless they were smart."

"But you are smart, Deidara-san," Temari said. "Artistically speaking, you're the best we've seen."

"Yeah, even better than that cocky puppet guy," Kankuro piped up. Deidara looked up.

'Who, un?"

"Oh, just someone by the name of Akasuna Sasori," Kankuro said, waving a hand. "We offered him a spot, but after I criticized him he didn't want to go to this school." Kankuro snickered at the memory. Deidara sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Sounds just like him, yeah," he said. "Anyway, are you sure you don't want to buy my painting, un?"

"Of course we'll buy it," Temari said, smiling. "And I'm sure we'll be able to sell it at a greater price once you graduate."

"Are you serious?" Deidara asked, allowing belief to dawn upon himself.

"Why wouldn't we be?" demanded Kankuro. "There's no way I'm letting you leave until I've convinced you to attend our school." Deidara looked to Temari, deciding he liked her better.

"You're seriously going to give me an education, un?" he asked. Temari and Kankuro nodded in unison. Deidara, though still wary, was convinced.

* * *

"So, Kisame, how would you say your image of me and our relationship has changed since we got together?" Itachi asked out of the blue. Kisame thought honestly about it.

"At first, I guess, I thought you were a bit anti-social and used to getting what you want. But I sort of get that money doesn't make life better, and sometimes amplifies problems. My respect for you practically doubled after I fully understood your situation. As for our relationship, I'd say we're definitely getting closer." Satisfied with this, Kisame grinned. "And what would you say?"

"I'd say we have grown closer. As friends, we didn't exactly see eye to eye all the time, nor did we spend much time together. It really took a romantic relationship for us to really see each other."

"Pretty insightful."

"Deidara and I had one of our 'flaw talks'."

"Oh?"

"Yes. We each pointed out flaws in each other, more as constructive criticism." Itachi picked up his tea and took a sip. Kisame sighed.

"Do I want to know why you two have those little conversations?" he asked.

"It just helps to hear it from someone you respect," Itachi replied casually. Kisame grinned.

"What did you tell him?" he asked mischievously.

"I called him fat." Kisame snickered. He then jumped as he felt a nimble foot rub against his. Without a verbal reply, Kisame lifted his own foot to Itachi's knee. Once Itachi showed no hesitation, Kisame moved his foot to his partner's thigh. "Mmm, Kisame?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure we're ready?" Kisame chuckled.

"Yes, Itachi-kun. I'm pretty sure we're ready."

* * *

". . . Deidara?"

"Yeah?"

"Why exactly have you been working out a lot lately?" Tobi asked, peeking over the back of the couch. Deidara paused in his crunches, sitting up.

"No reason, yeah. I just want to lose all the weight from being pregnant, un," he replied.

"I think you're beautiful at any weight, you know."

"I know. But it's healthier, un," Deidara said, going back to his workout. "49, 50, 51, 52. . ."

An hour later Deidara came out of his shower to find Tobi on the couch, looking deep in thought. "What's up, yeah?" Deidara asked, sitting down next to Tobi.

"Oh, nothing, really," Tobi said. Deidara patted his lap.

"Lay down, yeah," he said. Gratefully, Tobi did so, placing his head on Deidara's lap.

"Deidara?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't mean to sound doubtful, but why exactly did you say you would go out with me?"

"Oh, you will get so mad at me," chuckled Deidara.

"I promise I won't," Tobi said.

"You were something to rub in Sasori's face, un. You know, everything he wasn't." Deidara had a sweet smile on his face. "You were nice, didn't point out nasty little details, sweet, I could go on and on."

"Just because I was the opposite of Sasori?" Tobi asked.

"That's a good thing, Tobi, un," Deidara said. "But I mean, it was because you seemed so much more human than he ever did that I wanted to go out with you. And now look where we are, un." Deidara absentmindedly ran his fingers through Tobi's thick black hair. Suddenly, Deidara's phone went off. Deidara wasn't going to turn it off, when he suddenly recognized the caller ID. "Fuck," he whispered, answering the phone. "Hello?"

"Deidara? Um, can you come over? I'm sort of having some trouble with the potatoes."

"And you assume I have all the time in the world to just come over and make you food?"

"Deidara, I know you're busy, but- things have been really weird since you left. Could you just come over?" Deidara sighed.

"Fine. Just don't expect it again," he mumbled, hanging up.

"Who was that?" Tobi asked. Deidara didn't answer. Tobi sat up, pushing Deidara's hair back to look him in the eye. "Deidara?"

"It was Ino, yeah," Deidara said. "Apparently she needs dinner made, un."

"Then you should probably go. . ."

"I don't want to, yeah," Deidara sighed.

"I'll be here when you get back."

"I know," Deidara sighed. "Fine." He got up and left.

"You mean he hasn't come back in three days?" Deidara demanded as he walked into the kitchen, Ino following behind him.

"He probably has more important things to do," Ino said casually. Deidara stopped, thinking hard as he rested his hands on the counter.

"What's stopping me from calling the police, yeah?" he demanded.

"Please don't!" Ino cried, flinging herself at Deidara. Deidara whirled around to face her.

"Why, un? This is neglect and abuse, yeah!"

"Deidara, please!" Ino begged, hanging off his arm.

"Give me one good reason, yeah," he growled.

"Because he said not to!" Ino burst into tears. Deidara sighed, taking her arm and leading her to the kitchen table and sitting her down.

"Ino-chan, calm down," he said firmly. After a few blubbers and whimpers Ino got herself under control. "All right, yeah. What did he say?"

"H-he said not to c-call the police, or to tell anyone that h-he w-wasn't here," she gasped.

"Did he say any consequences?" Deidara asked. Ino didn't answer. "Did he threaten you, Ino?" Deidara demanded more harshly.

"S-sort of. . ."

"What did he say, un?"

"You know h-how he is," Ino said. "H-he d-didn't actually m-mean it-"

"Tell me what the fuck he said," Deidara growled.

"He just said th-that if I told anyone he wasn't c-coming home, h-he'd hurt m-me. . ."

"Hurt you how?"

"J-just hurt me. He didn't s-say how. D-Deidara, please don't call the police!"

"Why, un? You've been threatened and abused, and you expect me to just stand here, un?" Deidara got up, whipping out his phone and was about to dial before Ino grabbed his arm.

"Don't! Please, Deidara, just don't!" she pleaded.

"And why the fuck not?" Deidara screamed. Ino remained silent. Deidara ripped his arm from her grip and finished dialing the phone. "Hi, yeah, I'd like to talk to someone who can do something. Oh really? Good. Right, so I'm at an orphanage, and the guardian who's in charge of them hasn't been back in three days. Oh yes, there's some food, but not all that much. Ah, no, I used to live here, un. Oh yeah, a lot of illegal things are going on here. Oh? Ibiki Morino. Hai, hai, good. Great. No, I haven't been able to contact him, but I haven't tried, yeah. Of course. Talk to you soon." Deidara hung up and dialed Ibiki's number. Ibiki didn't pick up. Deidara quickly redialed the first number and relayed this information. Ino watched all of this in silence. Finally, once Deidara hang up, she spoke.

"So they're coming?" she asked. Deidara nodded.

"Ino, he's not going to hurt you, I promise, yeah," he said. Ino nodded. "Are you sure he didn't say anything else?" Ino nodded. Deidara sighed. "I'm going to call Tobi, yeah, so he knows what's going on."

"D-Deidara, wait!" she cried, grabbing his arm again.

"What?"

"H-he did s-say something e-else. . ." Ino bit her lip and looked off. Deidara sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"H-he said he w-would. . .t-touch m-me. . ." Fresh tears bubbled from Ino's eyes and streamed down her already slicked cheeks. Deidara's eyes narrowed.

"He didn't dare," he growled. "He fucking didn't!" Ino flinched at Deidara's anger. "Did he do anything? He didn't do anything, right?"

"N-no, he only s-said," she choked out.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"B-because h-he said he w-would-" Ino flung herself at Deidara, wrapping her arms around his neck and sobbing into his chest. Deidara sighed and wrapped his arms around her, attempting to soothe her desperate cries. Finally she was quieted and dragged herself off of Deidara. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. Deidara waved it off casually.

"Don't worry, I won't let him lay a single finger on you. Now just let me call Tobi, and everything is going to be fine. Ino nodded, wiping her eyes.

"Are Ino and Deidara a mommy and a daddy?" Anko asked, making her presence known for the first time.

"What makes you say that?" Ino demanded.

"Well, Mommy used to cry a lot, and it was usually Daddy who made her cry, so are you two a mommy and a daddy?" Anko stepped further into the kitchen after seeing she wasn't in trouble. Deidara sighed.

"Anko, when was the last time you saw Ibiki-san, un?" Deidara asked.

"Um. . .Wednesday."

"Jesus, that's three days, yeah. You weren't lying, un. Anyway, I'm going to call Tobi, and when the police get here, we'll have a lot of explaining to do, yeah. Anko, do you think you can remember some things that Ibiki said, un?" Anko nodded. "Good girl. Ino, recall everything that Ibiki ever did that didn't seem legal, all right, un?" Ino nodded. "Good, yeah."

* * *

"Lovely, Hidan, positively smashing. Ok, it's a wrap for today." The photographer stood up and so did Hidan. "Can someone get this amazing man a towel or something?" Hidan was smirking, enjoying all the praise. Some very cute girls who had been on set squealed at the opportunity and ran off, coming back seconds later with a towel for Hidan. Hidan grinned.

"Thanks, cuties," he said, winking as he took the towel from them. The girls squealed and blushed. Hidan smirked. "What would two lovely girls like yourselves be doing fetching towels?"

"W-we're just doing a b-bit of modeling," one of them stuttered.

"Oh really? I had a hunch," Hidan replied, winking. The girls sighed. Hidan wiped his face off, and just out of instinct, glanced over his shoulder. Kakuzu was standing quietly, not making a sound about ten meters away. Hidan blinked and turned back to the girls, handing them his used towel. For some reason, he now felt guilty. "Well, I'd love to see you two again sometime, but I've got to get going." Hidan turned, waved, and winked as he trotted over to Kakuzu. To his surprise, however, Hidan found Kakuzu engaged in a conversation with the photographer.

"Oh yeah? I have a cousin who went to Akatsuki. Yeah, I wanted to get in, but I wasn't exactly smart enough."

"But at least you have a nice little setup here," Kakuzu reasoned. "You might as well put your talents to use and earn some money."

"Ah true," the photographer chuckled. Hidan cleared his throat and both looked over at him.

"It seems the monster wants to leave. It was nice chatting with you, though," Kakuzu said, bowing and turning, expecting Hidan to follow. Hidan was about to, when the photographer caught his elbow.

"Hey, Hidan," she said. "It takes a special sort of person to date a model. I think yours exceeds all expectations." She winked.

"What do you mean?" he asked suspiciously.

"Those little girls were drooling over you. Good thing you had a towel."

"Are you mad?" Hidan asked. Kakuzu hadn't said much, and sometimes Hidan found himself hating Kakuzu's Keffiyeh for covering his face.

"No, why would I be?" Kakuzu asked.

"Just thinking. . .that I was flirting with those girls. . ."

"Oh come on, you have to indulge the fans a little bit, neh?" Kakuzu chuckled. "You're hilarious, Hidan."

"And you're a bastard," Hidan huffed, annoyed he had been worried.

* * *

"Iruka?" Kakashi asked, looking guilty.

"Hmm?" Iruka looked up from his magazine.

"I think it's about time we had a talk," Kakashi said. Iruka patted the couch next to himself and Kakashi sat.

"What's on your mind?" he asked.

"I've been a bad husband," Kakashi said, sounding like a child.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I ignored your needs for what I want. I mean, you wanted a kid so badly, and all I could think about was adopting from my student. And that wasn't the first time you mentioned it, either. I can't believe I was so insensitive." Iruka wrinkled his nose, reminded of the sore spot.

"So where are you going with all of this?"

"I think we need to get our priorities straight, and really get to the bottom of all of this." Kakashi paused. "I mean, with the help of a professional."

"Are you proposing we go see a marriage counselor?" Iruka asked. Kakashi nodded. Iruka smiled a little. "That's probably the nicest thing you've ever done." He quickly leaned forward and pecked Kakashi's lips. Kakashi grinned, ecstatic he was able to make Iruka that happy, for since the episode with Deidara Iruka had refused to touch him. "So everything's going to get better?"

"Yup. Everything's going to be fine."

* * *

A/N: All right everyone, that was the last chapter. Next one will be the epilogue, and then it'll go out with a BANG! XD Review, please, or I won't write the epilogue, and no one will get to meet Aiko! Oh no! and about the scenes, I decided just to give everyone a summary scene.


	25. Epilogue

A/N: HAPPY CHANUKAH!!!!!! XD And for you athiests, HAHA! YOU DIDN'T GET ANY PRESENTS! XD Kidding, kidding. I had one hell of a Chanukah. First off, we had trouble buying a menorah since it got lost in the move. We have a theory it's in my mom's stack of 'unsorted assortments', which means it's probably lost forever. Anyway, my step-mom nearly set the house in fire trying to make latkes, but the second time we made them they were delicious. Then my mom nearly set herself on fire trying to light the menorah. Then I was barraged by family I've so recently met, and tried to get to know everyone in one breath. It was wonderful. Have fun, and review, please, because this is the end of the story!

* * *

Deidara sighed, wiping his forehead and scanning the dining area. Ah, that group looked like they needed to get a check. Deidara walked briskly over to them. "May I interest you in some dessert, or would you prefer the check, un?" he asked politely.

"Ah, check please," a man said. "There's something I've been wondering, actually."

"Hmm?" Deidara paused, studying the man more closely.

"You wouldn't happen to be Deidara?" Deidara nodded.

"Oh really?" now the two other women were interested.

"I've seen some of your work," one of the women spoke up.

"That's an understatement," laughed the second woman. "She has a painting of yours hanging in her living room." The first woman blushed as the others laughed.

"Ok, I admit it, I'm a big fan. But your work is rather amazing." Deidara blinked and gulped, a small, shy smile parting his lips.

"Arigato, I'm deeply honored," Deidara bowed politely.

"Ah, but I read your little biography that came with the painting," the woman said, glancing at the check. Knowing what she was thinking, Deidara picked it up absently. The woman glanced up at him, and he gave a little smile.

"Thank you so much, un. I guess you'll be going to the show this Saturday?"

"Oh of course!" the woman exclaimed. Deidara grinned.

"Good to hear, yeah!" Deidara said enthusiastically. "I'll go get this rung up for you, un."

* * *

Deidara was standing in the kitchen, brushing Aiko's red hair, when Tobi came in with the mail. "Ooh, look, a postcard from Itachi and Kisame," Tobi said, passing the square of paper over to Deidara. Deidara, in turn, passed Tobi the brush so he could continue brushing Aiko's hair.

"A lot of boring meetings, but I got Itachi-san to go to a faire with me. Score! -Kisame," Deidara read aloud. "Kisame is stealing the free soap. -Itachi-san." Deidara chuckled. "P.S. we're bringing Pein home with us for two weeks." Deidara flipped the card over. "So they're in England, un? Why would they bring Pein back?"

"At least we get to see him. When was the last time we saw him?"

"We all went to the airport to see him off, un. That was. . .five years ago, un." Deidara checked the calendar, just in case.

"Who's Pein, nyaa?" Aiko asked, her left blue eye betraying her curiosity while her right red eye remained emotionless.

"A friend of ours, yeah," Deidara replied, taking the brush from Tobi and finishing off her ponytail.

"Oh! Look at this!" Tobi cried, extracting a letter. " A five year high school reunion."

"What's that, nyaa?" Aiko asked.

"It's where everyone from our graduating class in high school comes for a big party," Tobi said.

"Can we go, nyaa?" Aiko asked excitedly.

"We'll see," Deidara muttered. Tobi pouted.

"Aw, you don't want to go?" he asked. Deidara shrugged.

"We'd only be seeing Pein, yeah, and if he's staying for two weeks we'll be able to see him some other time, un."

"But what about all your old teachers?"

"Why would I want to see them, un?"

"I'll bet Iruka-san is there," Tobi persuaded.

"So, un?"

"Please?"

"Sometimes I wonder who the adult is, yeah. Fine, we'll go, un." Aiko and Tobi both cheered.

* * *

"Hey, since when did they get a pool?" Deidara cried. They had arrived at the reunion to find themselves the only ones from the group who had showed up so far. But that was about to change, seeing as how Hidan and Kakuzu had just showed up. Kakuzu lingered back, watching Hidan sneak up on Deidara. Aiko saw as well, and reached up to have Tobi hold her. Tobi did so, and in the process missed Hidan grabbing Deidara and throwing him into the pool. Hidan dropped to the ground, laughing maniacally as Deidara spluttered to the edge of the pool, dragging himself out like a wet cat. Aiko giggled, wiggling in Tobi's arms. Deidara finally pulled himself from the pool, and Hidan recognized a life or death situation and took off. Deidara gave a war cry and chased after him. Tobi sighed, shaking his head and setting Aiko down. Kakuzu stepped up to them, patting Aiko on the head and slipping her a piece of candy.

"Arigato, Kakuzu-san, nyaa," she said, unwrapping it and popping it in her mouth. Kakuzu smiled and looked up at Tobi.

"Good to see you, Tobi," he said. "How have you been?"

"Not bad, and how about yourself?"

"Good. Did you get a postcard from Kisame and Itachi saying they'd bring Pein?"

"Oh, yeah," Tobi replied. "Do you think they'll actually bring him? Last time I heard he refused to come back."

"I'm not sure about that. With that whole flight thing and the storm and that huge fight, who knows what actually happened."

"At least we get to see him," Tobi said optimistically.

"Die, bastard, un!" Deidara screamed, tackling Hidan into the pool after a long chase about the field. Hidan screamed as they crashed into the water, blubbering and bubbling under the surface. Soon both of them were bedraggled and sopping wet, scrambling out of the pool.

"Ok, I think we're even," Hidan panted. Deidara did a victory dance. Tobi rolled his eyes.

"Does going back to visit high school give you back your former immaturity?" Kakuzu asked.

"Hey, he set himself up for it!" Hidan argued. Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"I can't believe Kakashi-sensei let them get a pool, yeah! Something has to be behind that, un."

"What does it matter to you anyway, Deidara?" Kakuzu sighed.

"It would've been so nice to have a pool at school. . . Oh well, un. What have you two been up to, yeah?"

"Keeping him out of trouble."

"Getting into trouble."

"Why am I not surprised?" Tobi sighed.

"Daddy, I'm bored, nyaa!" Aiko whined. Deidara looked down at her.

"What do you have in your mouth, un?" he asked. Aiko didn't say anything. "What do you have un your mouth, un?" Deidara repeated more forcefully.

"A piece of candy, nyaa," she mumbled. Deidara sighed, turning to Kakuzu.

"If you really want to give her a gift, put ten pounds in her college funds, un," he said. Hidan reached in his pocket and handed Aiko a piece of candy. Deidara sighed. "Do you know how hard it is to raise a healthy child in this age? Here, Aiko, give me that, un," he said, taking the candy. "And thank Hidan, yeah."

"Arigato, Hidan, nyaa," she said. Deidara patted her head.

"Good girl, un."

"Hey, I see Zetsu! I haven't seen him in a while. . ." Tobi glanced at Deidara, who waved him off.

"Go. I'll stay here, un," he replied.

"All right." Tobi excused himself and walked over to Zetsu. Deidara watched him go, then turned back to Kakuzu and Hidan.

"Let's go inside, it's too hot, un," he said.

Deidara, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Aiko were all sitting at one of the tables that had been erected for the reunion. "No, honest, I was reading that playing Mozart when a baby is sleeping makes them smarter," Hidan was saying.

"Did you read that online?" Kakuzu asked.

"Maybe."

"The internet is so unreliable, yeah," Deidara said.

"Daddy, nyaa!"

"What, un?"

"I see Kisame and Konan, nyaa!" Deidara, Kakuzu, and Hidan all turned to see the blue twins walking towards them. All four got up and greeted them with hugs.

"How was England?" Kakuzu asked Kisame.

"Fun. And we actually managed to bring back a little surprise."

"Really, nyaa?"

"Oh, right, and this is for you," Kisame said, giving Aiko a piece of candy.

"Arigato, nyaa!" Deidara sighed and took the candy.

"You'll get it later, ok, un? You've had enough for now, yeah."

"Ok, nyaa," Aiko sighed.

"Don't tell me you actually got Pein to come with you?" Kakuzu said. Kisame grinned.

"Better look behind you, if you don't believe me," he said. Kakuzu, Hidan, and Deidara all turned to see Itachi and Pein. Pein had gotten some scary piercings, and looked rather dangerous now. Aiko, at first, drew closer to Deidara as they approached, but Deidara pushed her forward and she stumbled away from him, looking shyly up at the man. Pein looked around, then crouched before her, looking her straight in her mismatched eyes.

"And what's your name?" he asked.

"Aiko, nyaa," she replied confidently. "What's yours, nyaa?"

"Pein. Where did you pick up your little speech impediment?"

"No idea, nyaa. Tobi says it must be genetic, nyaa." Deidara rolled his eyes, standing back and letting the two talk.

"And how old are you?"

"Five, nyaa."

"Oh really?"

"Um, four, but my birthday is in three days, nyaa," she elaborated.

"Ah, already lying about her age. Takes after her father, I see," Pein said, smirking up at Deidara. Deidara rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything.

"Does your nose hurt, nyaa?" Aiko asked.

"No."

"Daddy won't let me get my ears pierced, nyaa."

"I see. Well, once you're eighteen, you can get them pierced."

"What happens then, nyaa?"

"You'll be an adult." Aiko glanced back at Deidara, who shrugged.

"But Daddy's gonna always be my daddy," she said. Kisame laughed, and even Pein and Itachi let themselves smile.

"That was absolutely adorable," Kisame stated. Aiko didn't look up, keeping her eyes glued to Pein. Pein was likewise.

"I have a small present for you," Pein said slowly. Aiko blinked at him.

"Arigato, Pein-san, nyaa," she said. Pein reached in his pocket and pulled out a piece of candy, handing it to her. She smiled and gave him a quick hug, before turning around and handing the candy to Deidara. Deidara smiled, and patted her on the head.

"Good girl, un," he said.

"My, you certainly have her well trained," Itachi said as Pein stood up.

"She's not a dog, yeah," Deidara said. "So, Pein, what have you been up to, un?" Pein shrugged.

"Stuff."

"Stuff? You runaway for five years and do stuff?"

"I talk to you once a month," Pein pointed out. "Come on, let's sit down. I'm a bit jet-lagged."

* * *

It was midnight, three days later that Deidara was up painting and got a phone call. He got up, setting down his pencil and answering the phone. "Hello-" he stopped, sighing. "Oh. It's you, Sasori."

"May I speak to Aiko?"

"She's in bed, yeah. Do you have any idea at what hour you're calling, un?"

"I know it's midnight, but I have a right to talk to my child."

"I'm not going to wake her up, yeah. She's growing up, and needs her sleep, un." Deidara walked back over to the couch, crawling back up on it and continuing his drawing. "I'll tell her you called, yeah. I know exactly what you're going to say, too: Happy birthday, and there's twenty pounds in the mail, un." Sasori said nothing for a long while. Finally, a wave of static signaled Sasori's exasperated sigh. "Look, I only have to deal with you once a year and it's always a trial for me, yeah. But you know, she doesn't really hate getting these calls, un." Unknown to Deidara, Aiko was creeping down the hall at that very moment, pressing her ear to the closed door to hear what was being said.

"So Tobi isn't good enough?"

"There's something about knowing you have two biological parents that makes you happy, yeah," Deidara shot. "You grew up with Chiyo-sama, and wouldn't you have liked a call from your dad, un? Anyway, I'll tell her you called, and you can call back tomorrow, yeah." Deidara paused. "How hard is it to remember? It's one number, un."

"You're still such a brat, Deidara. You have no idea what it's like in the real world. You have no idea what it's like to not have someone taking care of you, giving you money, finding you jobs, or anything. You don't even have clue one about work."

"Mmm-hmm," Deidara mumbled, concentrating more on his picture for a moment. "But I know you sure do know what it's like to have all that, yeah."

"Excuse me?"

"The childcare checks, yeah. They've been coming from Chiyo-sama, un." Sasori stayed silent. Deidara sighed. "Look, I don't want any more trouble, un. You call tomorrow, yeah."

"Fine. Be a selfish little brat," Sasori huffed.

"Same to you, un." Deidara hung up, replacing the handset. Stretching, he glanced at the clock and sighed, making for the door. Aiko hurriedly scurried back to her room, but wasn't fast enough. "What're you doing up, un?" he asked, looking tiredly down at her.

"Um. . . I wanted to get a glass of water, nyaa," Aiko said. Deidara rolled his eyes. Children were terrible liars. He patted her head. Luckily, she wouldn't need to lie, hopefully for the rest of her life.

* * *

Deidara knocked on the apartment door, and a familiar blonde girl- woman, now- opened the door. "Hey, Ino-chan, un," Deidara said, smiling slightly. Ino grinned and stepped back to allow Deidara in. "Nice place, yeah," Deidara said. "Your man has a lot of dosh, un?" Ino shrugged.

"He's just a normal guy," she replied. "You didn't think I could earn enough money to afford a place like this?"

"No, the kitchen was still intact. Either he's a professional chef, or he hires a cook, yeah," Deidara replied. Ino smacked him upside the head.

"For your information, he does cook," she said. "He liked food."

"Hmm? This him?" Deidara asked, looking over at the coffee table at a picture.

"Oh, yeah," Ino said. Deidara peered closely, smiling slightly.

"What's his name?"

"Chouji."

"Ah." Deidara looked back up at her. "Do you talk to your parents at all?" Ino sighed.

"No. But I do talk to my foster parents a lot," she replied, grinning.

"Iruka and Kakashi were that good to you, un?" Deidara asked. Ino shrugged.

"They weren't really parents, I guess, 'cause I was older, but they were ten times more my parents than my, you know, real ones," Ino replied. "Are you happy, Deidara?" she asked suddenly, after a long moment's silence. Deidara paused.

"Are you, un?" he asked. He knew the answer. He could see it in the picture on the table, in the curve of her smile, and in the radiance that poured off of her in radiant beams.

"Yup," she replied. "And you?"

"Sure, yeah," Deidara said. "Right, I came over to return that book I borrowed, un." Deidara reached in his bag and handed Ino a book.

"Did you like it?" she asked, taking it. Deidara shrugged.

"It was all right, un. Tobi liked it a bit more than I did, un."

* * *

Deidara returned home to Tobi's welcoming arms, and Aiko attaching herself to his knees. Deidara smiled, relaxing against Tobi and patting Aiko's head affectionately. Yes, he was happy. You could see it in the family portrait he had painted way back when Aiko was born, in the happy, helplessly loving grin Tobi had plastered over his face, the way Aiko giggled and wrapped her arms around him, and the twin gold bands on their hands. Yes, this was happiness, and they were very lucky indeed.

* * *

A/N: Review if you liked, review if you didn't, review if you had NO OPINION!! XD


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